You captured the beauty of longing so well here. So mamy times we find ourselves remembering only the loving moments in past relationships which often causes the heart never to heal... I think you have an excellent grasp on how perfectly loving, yet perfectly horrible thisw relationship really was.
While I know that every reader can relate to lost loves many dont have the heart to express themselves with auch raw emotion.
My fav lines were "I can remember every single detail Of every time we were together Your words, your expressions, your requests And I wonder if it could happen again Just one last time…" while there is often the question of what may possibly be in the future your heart knows what lays in the past will always lie their... the desperation in this piece is very profound
"The hours we spent in the dark corners of badly lit car parks" I really love that line. I really like this piece it is very genuine. I can relate to the longing, and currently can relate to being longed. It pains me that I cause pain. Anywho, I really like the language of this piece. It feels very genuine, and I can't really find any cliché's. I can't really think of anything this piece needs. Nice work. Nicely
wow this is such a raw emotion filled poem well done if there is one thing which i might suggest with your writings yeah ...try to keep control of your structure meaning the stanzas on this one were a little out of whack which tends to make the reader stagger and lose flow of your message yet in saying that i really liked this piece as it has very strong imagery and the emotion which you were perveying came accross very redily well done as for the last line please dont give up on love you will find that when you are ready for it 100% and you are with a loving partner who is also as equally ready for it it can be the most wonde4rful and fulfilling emotion one can ever feel stay strong and i wish you luck
I love! "We had suchs a wonderful time untill we fell in love then everything went wrong" Probably my most favorite line(s) of the whole poem...I can relate. Been there dont that dont want to do it again. You really captured it. Great Job