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    dots Submission Name: Secret Longingsdots

    Author: Sugar
    ASL Info:    23/F/UK
    Elite Ratio:    3.43 - 84/63/9
    Words: 233
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 1191
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 1390


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSecret Longingsdots

    I think of you every day, you know
    And every day I feel pathetic
    I hate myself for wanting you
    But I’d die for you to touch me

    Every night I think of you
    Pretending that you’re with me
    Next to me, inside me
    And I hate that I enjoy it
    But I just can’t give you up

    Not the thought of you anyway…

    I can remember every single detail
    Of every time we were together
    Your words, your expressions, your requests
    And I wonder if it could happen again
    Just one last time…

    I’m sure I could persuade you

    I think back to the early days
    Late night phone calls, meeting in secret
    The hours we spent in the dark corners of badly lit car parks
    We only had one thing on our minds…

    I lie in bed and I can hear you
    Breathing heavily onto my neck
    I hear your dirty words and your dirty questions
    I feel you biting and gripping and groping
    And I need you so, so much…

    We’d lie next to each other
    Wanting to savour every moment
    But needing everything all at once
    You’d kiss me hungrily
    Like I was the most beautiful woman in the world
    And we had such an amazing time…

    Until we fell in love.

    Then it all went wrong.

    Submitted on 2005-12-08 05:32:15     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Love, it creates and it destroys. This piece is like an 8 millimeter film moving in slow motion. Anguish, pain, sex, kisses on the neck. I enjoyed this for its realism.
    | Posted on 2006-01-09 00:00:00 | by Malcolm Bishop | [ Reply to This ]
      hm...i don't have much to say. it was wonderful. i enjoyed every line. i love the intense contrast that permeates the story that this piece tells. nothing but praise from me.
    | Posted on 2006-01-04 00:00:00 | by treybur | [ Reply to This ]
      You captured the beauty of longing so well here. So mamy times we find ourselves remembering only the loving moments in past relationships which often causes the heart never to heal... I think you have an excellent grasp on how perfectly loving, yet perfectly horrible thisw relationship really was.

    While I know that every reader can relate to lost loves many dont have the heart to express themselves with auch raw emotion.

    My fav lines were
    "I can remember every single detail
    Of every time we were together
    Your words, your expressions, your requests
    And I wonder if it could happen again
    Just one last time…" while there is often the question of what may possibly be in the future your heart knows what lays in the past will always lie their... the desperation in this piece is very profound

    Beautifully written!

    | Posted on 2005-12-31 00:00:00 | by stormyskye | [ Reply to This ]
      "The hours we spent in the dark corners of badly lit car parks" I really love that line. I really like this piece it is very genuine. I can relate to the longing, and currently can relate to being longed. It pains me that I cause pain.
    Anywho, I really like the language of this piece. It feels very genuine, and I can't really find any cliché's. I can't really think of anything this piece needs. Nice work. Nicely
    | Posted on 2005-12-09 00:00:00 | by nicelyJ | [ Reply to This ]
      wow this is such a raw emotion filled poem well done if there is one thing which i might suggest with your writings yeah ...try to keep control of your structure meaning the stanzas on this one were a little out of whack which tends to make the reader stagger and lose flow of your message yet in saying that i really liked this piece as it has very strong imagery and the emotion which you were perveying came accross very redily well done as for the last line please dont give up on love you will find that when you are ready for it 100% and you are with a loving partner who is also as equally ready for it it can be the most wonde4rful and fulfilling emotion one can ever feel stay strong and i wish you luck

    Timmy S. Edgar
    | Posted on 2005-12-09 00:00:00 | by Timmy S. Edgar | [ Reply to This ]
      I love! "We had suchs a wonderful time untill we fell in love then everything went wrong" Probably my most favorite line(s) of the whole poem...I can relate. Been there dont that dont want to do it again. You really captured it. Great Job

    <3 Adalae
    | Posted on 2005-12-08 00:00:00 | by lifeNsoul1224 | [ Reply to This ]

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