Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Secret Longingsdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Sugar
    ASL Info:    23/F/UK
    Elite Ratio:    3.43 - 84/63/9
    Words: 233
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 945
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 1390



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSecret Longingsdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I think of you every day, you know
    And every day I feel pathetic
    I hate myself for wanting you
    But I’d die for you to touch me

    Every night I think of you
    Pretending that you’re with me
    Next to me, inside me
    And I hate that I enjoy it
    But I just can’t give you up

    Not the thought of you anyway…

    I can remember every single detail
    Of every time we were together
    Your words, your expressions, your requests
    And I wonder if it could happen again
    Just one last time…

    I’m sure I could persuade you

    I think back to the early days
    Late night phone calls, meeting in secret
    The hours we spent in the dark corners of badly lit car parks
    We only had one thing on our minds…

    I lie in bed and I can hear you
    Breathing heavily onto my neck
    I hear your dirty words and your dirty questions
    I feel you biting and gripping and groping
    And I need you so, so much…

    We’d lie next to each other
    Wanting to savour every moment
    But needing everything all at once
    You’d kiss me hungrily
    Like I was the most beautiful woman in the world
    And we had such an amazing time…

    Until we fell in love.

    Then it all went wrong.




    Submitted on 2005-12-08 05:32:15     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Love, it creates and it destroys. This piece is like an 8 millimeter film moving in slow motion. Anguish, pain, sex, kisses on the neck. I enjoyed this for its realism.
    | Posted on 2006-01-09 00:00:00 | by Malcolm Bishop | [ Reply to This ]
      hm...i don't have much to say. it was wonderful. i enjoyed every line. i love the intense contrast that permeates the story that this piece tells. nothing but praise from me.
    | Posted on 2006-01-04 00:00:00 | by treybur | [ Reply to This ]
      You captured the beauty of longing so well here. So mamy times we find ourselves remembering only the loving moments in past relationships which often causes the heart never to heal... I think you have an excellent grasp on how perfectly loving, yet perfectly horrible thisw relationship really was.

    While I know that every reader can relate to lost loves many dont have the heart to express themselves with auch raw emotion.

    My fav lines were
    "I can remember every single detail
    Of every time we were together
    Your words, your expressions, your requests
    And I wonder if it could happen again
    Just one last time…" while there is often the question of what may possibly be in the future your heart knows what lays in the past will always lie their... the desperation in this piece is very profound

    Beautifully written!

    Hugs,
    Ella
    | Posted on 2005-12-31 00:00:00 | by stormyskye | [ Reply to This ]
      "The hours we spent in the dark corners of badly lit car parks" I really love that line. I really like this piece it is very genuine. I can relate to the longing, and currently can relate to being longed. It pains me that I cause pain.
    Anywho, I really like the language of this piece. It feels very genuine, and I can't really find any cliché's. I can't really think of anything this piece needs. Nice work. Nicely
    | Posted on 2005-12-09 00:00:00 | by nicelyJ | [ Reply to This ]
      wow this is such a raw emotion filled poem well done if there is one thing which i might suggest with your writings yeah ...try to keep control of your structure meaning the stanzas on this one were a little out of whack which tends to make the reader stagger and lose flow of your message yet in saying that i really liked this piece as it has very strong imagery and the emotion which you were perveying came accross very redily well done as for the last line please dont give up on love you will find that when you are ready for it 100% and you are with a loving partner who is also as equally ready for it it can be the most wonde4rful and fulfilling emotion one can ever feel stay strong and i wish you luck

    Timmy S. Edgar
    | Posted on 2005-12-09 00:00:00 | by Timmy S. Edgar | [ Reply to This ]
      I love! "We had suchs a wonderful time untill we fell in love then everything went wrong" Probably my most favorite line(s) of the whole poem...I can relate. Been there dont that dont want to do it again. You really captured it. Great Job

    <3 Adalae
    | Posted on 2005-12-08 00:00:00 | by lifeNsoul1224 | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    83731

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    It's been a while written by Sharati_hottie
    The Promise written by annie0888
    Life changes in a moment written by Ramneet
    Trails written by Daniel Barlow
    Ten Poems written by Wolfwatching
    Treasure Chest written by PieceOfCake
    May 31 2018 written by Chelebel
    Wavelength written by saartha
    Date night written by expiring_touch
    To written by SavedDragon
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    The Song on Your Guitar written by SavedDragon
    A Sonnet for Nina written by SavedDragon
    Break Up written by WriteSomething
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Incubus written by monad
    Linger written by saartha
    To Glow written by krs3332003
    Hollow Points written by RequiemOfDreams
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    Transparent written by Daniel Barlow
    Bond written by saartha
    Skin of Fables written by ShadowParadox
    Song written by Daniel Barlow
    untitled written by Chelebel
    Push written by JanePlane
    Munyonyo written by expiring_touch
    Cage written by distortedcloud
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry