Description: Modified Sestina format, tell me what you think. And know this isn't a girl like guy thing, it's a I-feel-like-shit-cuz-I-can't-help-my-friends thing ok
Enjoy and if you don't I'll kick your puny pewter ass
Please Know I Try -------------------------------------------
You call me
to get advice
yet you know I can't
There's no words when you call
and I know I can't help
I can't do what you expect
but please know I try
I'm not what you expect
Forgive me
I know I can't ever help
you must know that when you call
I try to give advice
but inexpierienced I am, so I can't
but please no I try
I try to help you, but I can't
I try to save you when you call
but my weakness confounds me
I know I'm not what you expect
so I tell you your advice
and I know it won't help
but please know I try
Know I always try to help
even though I know I can't
you know I try everytime you call
but I know it's not what you expect
I always try to give you advice
please, my friend, forgive me
but please know I try
If you ever could forgive me
sometimes I feel you can't
because I'm not what you expect
you know this everytime call,
everytime you want me to help
and everytime you need advice
sometimes I don't want to try
Why do you expect advice
when you know I can't help
I can't live up to what you expect
even though I try, I can't
My brother, forgive me!
and maybe another day, you could call
Between the first and second stanza it seems like an emotional shift...what caused it? Like the reverse verb in the 2nd Stanza, very Yoda like. The second Please no I try, is either spelled or puncuated wrongly. This is touching, especially to know who it is about, which I DO KNOW! Overall your getting much better Paco. Also your advice isn't as bad as you think.
Pascual, I think this poem is choppy and lacks any emotion. The redundancy of the poem is intended to create an effect, but instead the poem gets very flat by the third stanza. This poem didn't really evoke any feelings thought the situation is very common. I think this piece could be developed into a decent poem but it is far too simple to make it interesting. Nice try.
This poem brought tears to my eyes, it really did. I can really, really relate to this poem, so much that it's scary, lol. This is one of my favorite favorites, lol. Great write!
I have a friend at work that is going through some very difficult times and I feel like that when I talk to him or try to help - I don't know that there is anything right now that will help him feel better and there's nothing I can do about that. It does suck but when they are ready they will be helped and you try and that's all one can do. Love,Peace,Joy~Know,Experience,BE~~~ tif
This piece was too literal for me. Maybe others will find something in it. It just feels long and drawn out, maybe if you cut it down a bit and made it tighter, short and sweet kindathing, it might help.
This piece was too literal for me. Maybe others will find something in it. It just feels long and drawn out, maybe if you cut it down a bit and made it tighter, short and sweet kindathing, it might help.
Submission Name: Please Know I Try
