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Please Know I Try


Author: Flamequill
ASL Info:    17/Male/Sparta Michigan
Elite Ratio:    3.42 - 77 /97 /35
Words: 251
Class/Type: Poetry /Friendship
Total Views: 804
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 1594



Description:


Modified Sestina format, tell me what you think. And know this isn't a girl like guy thing, it's a I-feel-like-shit-cuz-I-can't-help-my-friends thing ok

Enjoy and if you don't I'll kick your puny pewter ass


Please Know I Try



You call me
to get advice
yet you know I can't
There's no words when you call
and I know I can't help
I can't do what you expect

but please know I try

I'm not what you expect
Forgive me
I know I can't ever help
you must know that when you call
I try to give advice
but inexpierienced I am, so I can't

but please no I try

I try to help you, but I can't
I try to save you when you call
but my weakness confounds me
I know I'm not what you expect
so I tell you your advice
and I know it won't help

but please know I try

Know I always try to help
even though I know I can't
you know I try everytime you call
but I know it's not what you expect
I always try to give you advice
please, my friend, forgive me

but please know I try

If you ever could forgive me
sometimes I feel you can't
because I'm not what you expect
you know this everytime call,
everytime you want me to help
and everytime you need advice

sometimes I don't want to try

Why do you expect advice
when you know I can't help
I can't live up to what you expect
even though I try, I can't
My brother, forgive me!
and maybe another day, you could call

But please know I try




Submitted on 2005-12-08 11:05:56     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments


  Between the first and second stanza it seems like an emotional shift...what caused it? Like the reverse verb in the 2nd Stanza, very Yoda like. The second Please no I try, is either spelled or puncuated wrongly. This is touching, especially to know who it is about, which I DO KNOW! Overall your getting much better Paco. Also your advice isn't as bad as you think.
| Posted on 2006-01-04 00:00:00 | by Mr.Mentor | [ Reply to This ]
  Pascual,
I think this poem is choppy and lacks any emotion. The redundancy of the poem is intended to create an effect, but instead the poem gets very flat by the third stanza. This poem didn't really evoke any feelings thought the situation is very common. I think this piece could be developed into a decent poem but it is far too simple to make it interesting. Nice try.
| Posted on 2005-12-12 00:00:00 | by BloodStainedLet | [ Reply to This ]
  This poem brought tears to my eyes, it really did. I can really, really relate to this poem, so much that it's scary, lol. This is one of my favorite favorites, lol. Great write!
| Posted on 2005-12-08 00:00:00 | by Toxic_Rayne | [ Reply to This ]
  I have a friend at work that is going through some very difficult times and I feel like that when I talk to him or try to help - I don't know that there is anything right now that will help him feel better and there's nothing I can do about that.
It does suck but when they are ready they will be helped and you try and that's all one can do.
Love,Peace,Joy~Know,Experience,BE~~~
tif
| Posted on 2005-12-08 00:00:00 | by Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
  This piece was too literal for me. Maybe others will find something in it. It just feels long and drawn out, maybe if you cut it down a bit and made it tighter, short and sweet kindathing, it might help.

Peace Out
| Posted on 2005-12-08 00:00:00 | by childs | [ Reply to This ]
  This piece was too literal for me. Maybe others will find something in it. It just feels long and drawn out, maybe if you cut it down a bit and made it tighter, short and sweet kindathing, it might help.

Peace Out
| Posted on 2005-12-08 00:00:00 | by childs | [ Reply to This ]


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