Description: this is my last triolet
I have posted a second verse
hope it makes the subject clearer
I really won't inflict any more on the world
illusion ( a triolet) -------------------------------------------
I see you in the darkening glass
My reflection is beside you
I know the pain of love will pass
I see you in the darkening glass
You stand alone in waving grass
Your heart's a stone inside you
I see you in the darkening glass
My reflection is beside you
I see you in the evening gloom
I'm inside out just watching you
In dark reflection of my room
I see you in the evening gloom
You stand there on the brink of doom
My image is beside you too
I see you in the evening gloom
I'm inside out just watching you
This is very interesting I have never seen a poem done like this I will definately be looking at this style of writing a little closer as i like it Take Care Ron
I struggled with one triolet for a time and finally came up with one,-I think it was about snowflakes-(I may have deleted it though lol)I know how hard it is to follow a form and also at the same time, try to express some real emotion. This follows the form, but I think the subject matter is to heavy for this form, I liked the theme, and think it would be dynamite in a different form ,-I think triolets are best for simple, lighter themes. All in all though, this is good, and i wouldn't give up on trying the form, -but do consider rewriting this idea in a different form. I think you will be pleased. Sally
The problem with classical forms is the restrictions they impose on pure thought; no one (to my knowledge) thinks in sestinas, sonnets or triolets, so the paring of ideas to fit the form can often alter the intent of the piece. That being said, there is something here that's very nice but not quite complete. As the other post suggested, perhaps a series of triolets might get the point across more forcefully (and allow the reader the privelege of knowing where the poem's relationship will go). Is the illusion alluded to in the poem the sense of affection being returned by the wounded soul with the stony heart? Only a lengthier write will reveal the end of the tale. Nicely done, keep writing.
very nice triolet! I am wondering what the darkening glass is... just my curiosity :)
This is a well written triolet, and I know how difficult they can be, I actually wrote one on another site. This one has good form, nice rhyme, and flows very smoothly. I think my favorite line from it is:
Your heart's a stone inside you
My question is this... have you considered adding another stanza to this one? perhaps to make it more clear? I think I understand that you are standing with someone that feels like they are all alone, and you are letting them know that you are right there with them, but I can't be sure. Perhaps if you added one more stanza, it would make your message a little more precise. Of course, that is just my suggestion.
Not bad, not bad. You shouldn't give up on triolets. They seem to work well for you. They seem to be buried within you somewhere and raging to get out. Express yourself as well as you have here and there will be many fine triolet to come, I wager. Thanks for sharing - Lazy Spleen
Submission Name: illusion ( a triolet)
