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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: S.A.S.dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: tinkerbellsas
    ASL Info:    22/f/ny
    Elite Ratio:    3.33 - 67/66/32
    Words: 428
    Class/Type: Random Thoughts/Death
    Total Views: 752
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2443



    Description:
       My aunt died may 8th 2004 and this is about her...it's corny and noone will understand it if they didn't know us but it's memories ya know!


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    dotsS.A.S.dots
    -------------------------------------------


    I hear that song and I start to tremble
    I see your picture and the rivers flow from my eyes
    It still doesn't seem real that your gone
    Life's never gonna be the same without you

    The day I heard the news
    That the end was coming near
    I didn't even cry
    I just knew I had to get to you right away
    And as you were lying there
    Looking so frail
    Asking the most bewildered questions
    I could barely bring myself to speak to you
    I didn't want you to see me cry
    'Cause unlike everyone else I knew this was it
    I knew it was the last time I was going to see you
    I guess my silence kept it a dream
    And if I spoke it would become reality
    Now, if I could go back to that day
    I can think of so many things to say
    I should have told you how much I love you
    Instead of just saying the words
    I should have told you the depth of emotion
    I should have told you that I never cared
    About all the bad things like everyone else
    That all I've ever seen in you is good and beauty
    That I've always been so proud
    That I was always compared to you
    And that papa calls me by your name
    So proud to look at my reflection and see your face
    So happy when you used to say I should have been your daughter
    Happy to stay up all night talking to you when we both spent the night
    I just want to go back
    Back to when you used to come visit
    And I would raid your make-up bag
    We would eat Ma's potato salad
    Tell Jordan we were switched at birth
    And then chase you down to Liberty St. Park
    when you left
    How I long to do those simple things again
    Just to hug you and breath you in
    Just to hear you laugh one more time
    Just to get one more of you trademark angel christmas cards
    I guess you really do miss the little things when someone's gone
    As I sit here crying over this paper
    I just hope you know all of this is true
    I hope you can see how much I still and always will love you
    You really were the wind beneath all our wings
    Never ever forget that or believe for a second it's not true
    Just know we''ll see you on the other side
    And we'll all be together again some day




    Submitted on 2005-12-08 17:05:25     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      not sure why nobody has commented yet, but I am going to, because I liked it. It was kind of a bunch of memories blended together like a collage, I think it really depends on the person you are asking, but I think that it is acceptable because it isn't supposed to be "perfect", because it is pain, and emotion, and beauty. Although nothing is really perfect...ah, I am getting off track here. Apologies. I won't give too much criticism, as I feel this is more of a vent and an artistic piece which as I said before doesn't really need to be changed, but I thought the ending was a little too common, about seeing her again. A lot of people seem to do that, and I think, only if you wanted to of course, that you could give it a little more emotion or a "POW!" that just kind of left readers with an emotional impact. Anyways, sorry if my advice isn't that great but, I liked the line "We would eat Ma's potato salad" and the other lines that were similar, because it justs shows how the little memories can be the ones you most remember. Good luck, I look forward to reading future pieces from you.

    Peace,
    Squirreley Scribe
    | Posted on 2005-12-09 00:00:00 | by roses | [ Reply to This ]


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    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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