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    dots Submission Name: It's Himdots

    Author: Sarah Leger
    ASL Info:    15.f.kissimmee,Fl
    Elite Ratio:    3.74 - 436/387/80
    Words: 442
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 973
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2410


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    dotsIt's Himdots

    Bare feet touch the cold linolium as she enters the bathroom door. Without looking she reaches next to her and slams the door shut. Solumn tears running down her face. Her heart is beating out of control. The feeling in the pit of her stomach is back. The one that brings her to her knees and forces her to call everyone she cares about to check their safety. It's back once again, to warn her with fear. Phone in her arms she can almost hear his whisper comforting her. It's another two hours before he's supposed to call but she can't help but worry that someone is going to call for him.
    She steps in front of the mirror, looking at her reflection, trying to grasp just what it is that remains human. Dark eyes, very slightly slanted surrounded by pale flesh. Her lips small and dark. Eyebrows defined against the skin to match her hair. Sadness reflects back. They say the only true emo kids are the ones who don't know they're emo. Resolving that the injustice she gives herself won't make anything better and turns away from the face that never quits looking back.
    She pulls her shirt over her breasts and head dropping it on the floor next to her feet moving to unsnap her bra. Like a trance she undresses. Knowing this routine but not bothering to change the familiar. Her belt comes off only to be followed by her pants and underwear. Her body never perfect to her, never god enough to be beautiful. She covers in a towel so as to not see what she tries to perfect and reaches to turn on the hot water. It only feels good when the water is so hot it makes you numb. It only feels good when her skin is red and enflamed by the scolding liquid. Dark hair still up she steps over the threshold into her box-like shower she has now spent so many nights crying in and sits against the wall. Feet under the water she closes her eyes to feel it cascading down her legs. Heart rate speeding up she quits listening and only feels. The steam hugging her into security. Suddenly a loss of senses grips her insides and she is dreaming without sleep.
    A dark night. A road. A guy. Walking. Alone. Late at night. No one is driving. Something happens. He's hurt. Oh gods no he's hurt. "HELP!" But there is no one. No one to help him. On the ground. Lying on his back. Facing the stars.
    Tears stream down her face. It's him.

    Submitted on 2005-12-08 19:47:10     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I loved it. If I could say more I would. I know you proubly don't need nor want to hear this from me, but it was a good, no amazing write. Like always Sarah. Nothing will change that.

    The only Pain is Silent.
    | Posted on 2005-12-12 00:00:00 | by Thinkingofyou | [ Reply to This ]
      Hmm, interesting. I really liked the way you make the reader feel the heat of the water, you've written that part extremely well.

    I feel the start could have a better hook in it, the phone...I guess in case "he" rings? Still, I think you can drag the reader ino the story another way.

    I like the transition to the dream, and the way you ended it, so, apart from the opening, quite well done, and sort of reminiscent of an excerpt from a much larger story.

    Well done

    be happy

    | Posted on 2005-12-08 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]

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