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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Waking to the Worlddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: comradenessie
    Elite Ratio:    6.5 - 626/539/110
    Words: 103
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 672
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 682



    Description:
       This is a repost because the Giant was feeling sad. He'd only recieved one comment from Alteredlife who I'd like to thank for help with punctuation, as ever. As Alteredlife and the giant state this is another of my nods to environmental concerns.

    The giant felt that just because he wanted to reclaim the earth was insufficient reason to reject him. Crying great big boulders he was!

    Seriously though, I'd welcome any feedback on how to strengthen this piece. I've changed the title because maybe 'Awakening' is a bit flat.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWaking to the Worlddots
    -------------------------------------------


    A red stone Giant, twisted and gnarled,
    having slumbered through millennia
    - rises his weather beaten frame
    from the earth; the roots
    of a tree dangling from his thumb.

    His mouth stretches in a cavernous yawn
    that drinks the clouds; startled
    the eagles fly from the branches.

    The world quakes, as his deep-water eyes
    survey the wastage of the soil
    and his vanished forests.

    Everywhere, he sees the footprints
    of Men imprinted upon the world;
    he is ready to reclaim
    this ravished sphere
    before the Sun claims it for her own.






    Submitted on 2005-12-09 06:36:44     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
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    ||| Comments |||
      hello Vanessa,

    this imagery of a red stone giant is tough for me to crack. on one hand it could be a mythical deity of some sort on the other perhaps a tree such as the bristlecone pine those species have amazing longevity. the images that lead me to believe it is the latter are: “twisted and gnarled” “slumbering through the millennia” “weather beaten frame” “mouth stretches a cavernous yawn that drinks the clouds” “eagles fly from the branches” and “ready to reclaim the ravished sphere” the last verse going also with “before the sun claims it for her own” yet the other parts “of a tree dangling from his thumb” “the world quakes, as his deep-water eyes” has me pulled out thinking it is something else. I will go with it being a tree that has been given a consciousness to the present world it is viewing.

    in the first stanza…red stone as applied to a tree would mean to me its appearance and nature of being that of stone…something that cannot speak or walk. the branches I see as twisted and gnarled yet if it were a deity its reflection of what it sees could also be twisted and gnarled. the slumber through the millennia can mean to me that it has been given consciousness because of the severity of what it “sees” the personification begins on the second line for me. weather beaten frame- its appearance after so many years of erosion. “from the earth; the roots of a tree dangling from his thumb” now there are a couple possibilities that I see from that one. he is a being of some sort or the “his” in the fourth line denotes yet another separate entity.

    second stanza. “the mouth stretches a cavernous yawn” this I see as the cleansing a tree does taking in carbon dioxide and other pollutants “drinks the clouds” being supported by water in the form of rain, dew, and mist.

    third stanza. “the world quakes” I do not grasp that other than an effect. I like “deep-water eyes” this could be an emotional thing for this deity or tree. the sight of the vanished forests almost an Ent-like feel in a Tolkien sense.

    fourth stanza. “he sees footprints of men imprinted on the world” the evidence of “destruction” which others would call “progress” funny how when something progresses it seems something else has to be destroyed. now the fight opens up here not against man (I do not think) but against what he has done to the air. ready to reclaim the sphere- or taking out its toxicity by its natural process. and it’s a race against the sun or what I think the implication is global warming.

    overall: it is a great tale I do hope I did ok on it. I see a tree vs. the effect of man racing against the sun to clean up its environment. but it may be something else I have missed. well done I like it.

    suggestions: what i would do with this write is to further make it concrete as to what this is; a tree or a diety. or perhaps make a description to clarify more on this to give a better understanding to its indentity. other than that small detail i really like how you did this one.
    | Posted on 2005-12-18 00:00:00 | by inspirit999 | [ Reply to This ]
      Yes, I do like the title very much. I think there is some great internal rhyme here and it's done with such subtle care.
    Like "gnarled and startled" it makes for an even sound and I love it.

    Great message too, I think the postions of being conservative and protecting the earth is long over due, maybe we've blown it already.. But we can hope, and I love this, because it's strictly a play of the imagianation. wow, that was a typo, but I think I will leave it.

    peace and love,

    Nan
    | Posted on 2005-12-11 00:00:00 | by nansofast | [ Reply to This ]
      makes me think like King Kong has come back to life and he is the devils spawn child and now he is the only living thing so he naturally claims the grounds---this is weird---good imagination ---whatever you are talking about--I am sure there is some symbolism I am missing so please tell me what I have missed
    LT
    | Posted on 2005-12-09 00:00:00 | by LameMansTerms | [ Reply to This ]
      This poem scares me. This giant seems to want to reclaim the world from man for reasons that make men appear evil. Not that you're wrong, but I get the feeling that if you'd kept writing, it would have involved this gargantuan being stomping out human civilization with a grin on its face. Greatly disturbing. Especially when considering the last line, the sun claiming the earth for its own. That confirms the doomsday sentiment of the poem, suggesting that even if the giant hadn't awoken, man would still be beaten by nature. It kind of creates a valid argument: if man is doomed anyway, why not throw a global party and throw all our beer bottles on the lawn? I do like the poem, and I especially like the imagery. The implications push mankind into a corner, but as stated earlier, that doesn't mean you're wrong.
    | Posted on 2005-12-09 00:00:00 | by ghostknight | [ Reply to This ]
      I think it is powerful as is, and I agree your title works much better as 'waking to the World', than 'Awakening'. I'm truely impressed. A lot of 'enviormentalist-type' poetry is mushy and really lame, the way you write gives the whole issue new passion and pain.
    | Posted on 2005-12-09 00:00:00 | by Starless Knight | [ Reply to This ]


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