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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: This Timedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Sugar
    ASL Info:    23/F/UK
    Elite Ratio:    3.43 - 84/63/9
    Words: 207
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 912
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1285



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThis Timedots
    -------------------------------------------


    I lay in darkness
    Destroyed by your latest revelation
    I lay in silence
    Wondering if I would survive.

    I went over your confession
    A thousand times or more
    I searched for a reason
    An excuse
    An escape
    But all I could see was the end.

    You cried, it made me feel guilty
    I cried, it made me feel weak
    You left, said you’d call me tomorrow
    I waited, imagining where you’d gone.

    I thought of a million angry questions
    Jumped to all the wrong conclusions
    Did you dream of her as you slept by my side?
    Did you picture her face as we kissed?
    Did you need her?
    Did you want her?
    Did you even stop once to consider us?
    To consider me?
    How can I be innocent, yet be the one who hurts the most?

    The night passed sadly and slowly
    I answered the phone
    I heard your tears and your breath and your sorrys
    I listened to your broken explanation.

    You swore you loved me, only me
    If you didn’t have me, you would die
    You promised me over and over that it wouldn’t happen again
    And I believe you.

    I’m certain that you mean it this time.




    Submitted on 2005-12-09 09:21:49     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Wow! I must say, I was surprised by the ending here. You must have a very forgiving heart, much more so than me anyway, as that would be something that I could never forgive and never forget! The trust of the relationship would forever be gone and without trust you have nothing. Anyway, enough about my personal feelings, now about your poem. I think it is very well written and expressed. You capture so many feelings and emotions with your words. It is a powerful poem. You allow the reader to really connect to the situation. I may disagree with the ending here, but it is merely my personal belief. This is really quite good! Nice work. Take care.

    Lorna
    | Posted on 2006-01-17 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
      this gave me a helpless feeling when reading it. thats all i can really say cause i enjoyed it and youd probably be reading the same thing everyone else has left on their comment. my favorite line was "destroyed by your latest revelation" very original. good job

    - kase
    | Posted on 2006-01-01 00:00:00 | by kase | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a very good piece I enjoyed it a lot. So many people when they write poetry focus solely on ryhme scheme and cheesy metaphors, but here you can really feel the passion and understand the meaning. It flows very well and I liked the ending a lot. This is one of the better pieces I have read, keep up the good work.
    | Posted on 2005-12-13 00:00:00 | by StevenJay | [ Reply to This ]
      i rely like this it reminds me of what my frends goin thru now with her bf who keeps goin back to his ex n my frend jus sits there n takes n i want to shake her n b like wut r u doin but then agen we all make mistakes n we learn from them.. good job i relly like this
    | Posted on 2005-12-12 00:00:00 | by scardnscared | [ Reply to This ]
      This is really nice. It saddens me though. Normally I won't give the person a second chance, but...yea.

    This is a good poem that fills in every part of the feeling, so don't you dare change it one bit.
    | Posted on 2005-12-12 00:00:00 | by RyukiTZR | [ Reply to This ]
      great poem...full of the true emotion that you feel in a situation like that...everyone is quick to say they would end a relationship immediatly if someone cheated on them but you never know until you are really in the situation...no matter how many times it takes of the cheating and the lieing and the sorry's everyone has to learn where they want to be on their own time...I've been there and honestly I stayed and he did it again and again...it took me three years to realize it for myself...hell it took my mother 17 years to figure the same situation for her...you'll get through i guess that's all I'm saying
    | Posted on 2005-12-09 00:00:00 | by tinkerbellsas | [ Reply to This ]
      it sounds like a sad poem
    writen by some one broken
    personaly if my bf cheated on my i would dump him
    but it your choice
    poeticly it was really, really good i really enjoyed it but it did depress me

    comment on my stuff please
    | Posted on 2005-12-09 00:00:00 | by bloodied_angel | [ Reply to This ]
      u commented on mine so I'm commenting back. I like your work. And I think u would like locked in my head better. so check back to see if its there. I'll try and put it up now.
    | Posted on 2005-12-09 00:00:00 | by DrewDilla | [ Reply to This ]


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