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The battle of the element


Author: shygirl
ASL Info:    16/f/ok
Elite Ratio:    3.54 - 71 /54 /14
Words: 127
Class/Type: Story /Dark
Total Views: 1510
Average Vote:    5.0000
Bytes: 742



Description:


i wrote this when it was raining out side and it looked as if the land and the storm were in a battle and then at the end the land had concerd


The battle of the element



In my full thought I wonder
Why we call it thunder

Why is the lighting so bright?
It not even a light

As you combined them together
All changes in the weather

Rain begins to then fall
It all ways starts out so small

As all is continues to roll
The land must pay it a toll

The land turns to rubble
And all is in trouble

If only to last it out
Then the storm finds a different rout

All is slowing down
As rain sits on the ground

This was a delight
What a great fight

The storm has now given in
And the land is safe once again




Submitted on 2005-12-09 11:13:13     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments


  i loved this! its definatly going in my fav's!
my only critisism is that it ended a bit too quickly...maybe a bit more discription on the aftermath of the battle?
But i LOVED the title! some poems are good contextually, but the tiltes are rubbish! you dont have this problem!
Go you!
| Posted on 2006-01-06 00:00:00 | by bambi144 | [ Reply to This ]
  pretty, i love nature poems especially one about rain and storms. so yes, this was a very pretty poem. i think you should write more rain poems. you are developing as a poet and i must say..I'M SO PROUD OF YOU! yayayayaaaaa
| Posted on 2005-12-14 00:00:00 | by misty_of_moon | [ Reply to This ]
  same as kN some spelling mistakes, but who am i to say, my spelling aint that good, but nice write, i liked the way you turned it into a battle scene.

x x x x
| Posted on 2005-12-09 00:00:00 | by secret kisses | [ Reply to This ]
  Some words misspelled and such, and i believe you use the word 'all' way to much. I would also suggest changing the lines where you use linghting and light right next to each other.


~Kane~
| Posted on 2005-12-09 00:00:00 | by Kane Martyr | [ Reply to This ]
  This is a much lighter, more fun piece than the others I've read from you. I like the way you used the rhyme. I don't remember what this kind of rhyming is called, but it works really well for lighter subjects.

I also really like the way you eased into the end. There's torment in the middle, but in the end, the world is right.

There are a few nitpicky spelling errors (I think I mentioned those spinster English teachers in another comment.) Most of them seem to be homynyms, so spell check isn't going to help. I've always thought the best way to learn to spell is to read like crazy.

Steve
| Posted on 2005-12-13 00:00:00 | by Lost Sheep | [ Reply to This ]


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