I Sold My Soul to the Devil by screams

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Submission Name: I Sold My Soul to the Devil dots

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Author:	screams
Elite Ratio:	5.96 - 433/386/92
Words:	141

Class/Type:	Poetry/Serious
Total Views:	366
Average Vote:	3.0000
Bytes:	954

Description:

I Sold My Soul to the Devil dots

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There is no point of focus here
We are like feathers
flying off the pimpled bodies of bug-eyed chickens
Scattered, scattered
and scared

(wings are for show)
(we all are cheap meat)

Modern science and its triumphs
makes us beakless
So I slur my words in disbelief
My tongue rolls out toothless jumble
Its gotten to the point that no one understands me
I thold mah thoul to tha devil

sound, sound
Nothing but lip smacking sounds on shop glass windows
not looking in
at the meaningless displays
But looking out,
for some kind of alternatives
solutions
something

Eyes looking inside and out
there is nothing but darkness and the flesh of my lids

I have been pimped for better things
but jewels wont make this dumb bird fly

Submitted on 2005-12-09 12:57:20 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!

||| Comments |||
  i am a vegetarian... i dont really
refer to life like a chicken...
but it can be put like that as a medafore
i guess.
i like this poem though
it really brings out alot of feelings
i dont believe in science so to speak
because i dont think scientists could
make the universe... it would be
wierd.

<3 lelian

| Posted on 2007-03-10 00:00:00 | by Lelian Marie | [ Reply to This ]
  Awesome. f*cking awesome.
You so rock dude...
heh, your my new best friend.

necrotic
| Posted on 2006-10-27 00:00:00 | by necrotic | [ Reply to This ]
  I love the lines

'Its gotten to the point that no one understands me
I thold mah thoul to tha devil'

So cool, so cleaver. It sounds pretty original and I like it lots!

| Posted on 2006-01-22 00:00:00 | by Seele | [ Reply to This ]
  Screams,

Well y'know i'd forgotten that i hadn't commented on this one earlier. It was particularly the joural entry that prompted me into our verbal joust over posting things for comment. How remiss of me.

I liked this one better when i first read it though. Maybe because of the mood i'm in now, or then. It jumps around more than i'm comfortable with today - yes indeed it is the mood i'm in today (edgy with too much coffee), i'll have a run around soon to calm it down.

Modern science and its triumphs
makes us beakless
So I slur my words in disbelief
My tongue rolls out toothless jumble
Its gotten to the point that no one understands me
I thold mah thoul to tha devil

For this stanza alone it's way cool, how often have i felt lipless and dumb, or verbose and confusing myself. Or worse desiring a new toy to express myself better, clearer, but without the drive to use it properly once i have it in my possession.

And now i'm feeling bitter with that acrid coffee bean stain on mt tongue and your sarcastic wit bouncing around my skull. Arrgh! it's definately time i knocked off work, go and sweat some more in this appallingly humid summer and have a cold beer to calm my nerves.

Yes you are right - we are all cheap meat! and i have been pimped for better things too.

Write some more slacker, as i should too.

Abzy
| Posted on 2006-01-12 00:00:00 | by Abzy | [ Reply to This ]
  The image i get is the coward that has shrunk inside, and is dying to get out. But someone over us holds the power to our lives.. or do they?

feathers Alia uses them in her latest write, is that a coup d'etat you have going on with her? I'll join, you bet, and i liked this one as a journal too.

I'm glad you're posting again sis, thanks for taking care of this, we need you right now.

love,

Nan
| Posted on 2005-12-13 00:00:00 | by nansofast | [ Reply to This ]
  wonderful ... wonderful .. WONDERFUL ! ... *does a little dance* .. sorry 've been watching too much invader zim .. imagine me spasming with one eye twitching and flailing my arms as I said that .. It might just be me but this did remind me of zim in a way , .. in its sarcastic value ..although more like Jhonny the homocidal maniac.. I can't remember the cartoonist, but I almost can't imagine that you don't know what I'm talking about here.

I love how you use the image of the chicken - bird .. who is bred into this flightless , boneless, beakless .. and far from self sufficient thing.. the regression of the worm babies and their horrible meats. The regression that we call progression where we race into the future like suicidal chickens on steriods . or something like that.

I almost have a feeling , in this sedated and malformed image .. world .. that we have lost our ability to communicate .. to speak clearly .. our language so muffled .. and hidden in white noise that we can't make out the words .. as you say .. I thould mah thoul to tha devil .. well said ... well spoken .. i loves it .. maybe even go further and say ghevil or something .. obscure devil a bit .. I'm not sure if the mob even hears the name of horns anymore . .maybe .. i dunno

There is something that I feel is .. left hanging in those last two lines .. not quite sure what it is .. just something I feel that is not expressed. I had to chew on these lines for a bit to make sure I got the idea of them , .. or understood correctly what you meant .. I'm not sure still. If I have it right .. I am wondering if it might sound better with 'dreams' rather than 'things' at the end of the second to last line .. I have been pimped for better dreams. I guess my confusion to the initial line was what the thing that you refer to is .. you have been pimped to better things than what ? ..flight ? .. wings ? .. life ? .. I guess this is what the poem indicates .. but it could be a little clearer .. dreams are often what is associated with our ideas of flight .. something unreal that the pimp the adman, the hangman and the manager/leader tries to sell to you ..to get your service or sell you a product ..so we are lead into regressive dead ends from following the gilded carrot of these [censored]in sales men of the mind and soul ..

thanks for a wicked poem .. wicked .. wicked .. WICKEDNESS of doom .. and whatnots .. ahahahahahaha ... [censored] .. sorry ..

che ..

Christian ..
| Posted on 2005-12-10 00:00:00 | by x-ianhoyskolt | [ Reply to This ]
  Enjoyed the imagery. There's a disjointed feel to the individual lines but an underlying frustration that connects the whole thing. By the end of the prose I have to wonder if you've lost all human feeling, and if you have, if it was the doing of someone else or if you deliberately did it yourself. I've reached a point where I tried to forget all emotion, thinking it would make life easier. This poem reminds me of those days, living empty yet happy, a constant paradox created by caring too much and no one around you not seeming to care enough. Once again, enjoyed it.
| Posted on 2005-12-09 00:00:00 | by ghostknight | [ Reply to This ]
  Overall, a very emotionally-charged, successful poem. I did, however, have trouble with the line "build to the point the insanity is unrecognizable". It doesn't seem to go with the incense ashes, which to me portray a certain fallen beauty (incense = nice smell; ashes on eggcrate = junky... the two juxtaposed makes a striking image). Nor does that line seem to flow with the chicken feathers line, about disorganized and pointless lives. Maybe re-examine what it is you're saying in that line and try to say it in simpler terms for simple folk like me :). It just seems very vague and wispy.
And one nit-picking comment: bug-eyed, not bugg-eyed.
Overall, though, this poem is very good. Certain lines stick out as being extremely meaningful and moving:
"(wings are for show)
(we all are cheap meat)"
In those two lines you reveal the entire message of your poem. Captivity, selling out, being corporatized (totally made that word up but who cares!). The flow to the next stanza, which strikes me as the most meaningful, and altogether best, is perfect:

Modern science and its triumphs
makes us beakless
So I slur my words in disbelief
My tongue rolls out toothless jumble
Its gotten to the point that no one understands me
I thold mah thoul to tha devil"
the two parenthetical lines and this stanza would make a complete poem, with an artculated theme and truly moving imagery.
I feel like in the next stanza, the lines "But looking out,
for some kind of alternatives
something….." could be said better. You have a very unique way of putting your thoughts in this poem, it seems like that one part, you slacked off a little bit into ambiguous assertions. That makes sense that the subject doesn't know what it wants, but still, you could put a little more color in that line.
And the last two lines are amazing. There's a certain gritty irony there, a sad sarcasm that elevates the poem incredibly.
It seems like I don't love this poem because of all the changes I ask for, but really, truly, this is a WONDERFUL POEM. very good job. It feels a little bit like a PETA pamphlet, except with people... sooo good!
:),
Kristen
| Posted on 2005-12-09 00:00:00 | by Kristen Gudsnuk | [ Reply to This ]

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