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    dots Submission Name: You And Idots

    Author: tinkerbellsas
    ASL Info:    22/f/ny
    Elite Ratio:    3.33 - 67/66/32
    Words: 50
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 749
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 286

       just a short little something

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsYou And Idots

    Life goes on but you and I stop
    Our life together is through
    It makes me cry every night
    Just to think about you
    I know I hurt you, I did wrong
    It's my fault we are not together
    It hurts so bad to know
    You don't love me anymore

    Submitted on 2005-12-09 17:33:22     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I think you could do so much more with this poem. I really feel like it isn't strong at all. Come on, make me feel how depressed you are. This person doesn't love you anymore. Doesn't that make you angry enough to scream? Or does your heart just feel like it's going to fall out of your mouth at any moment? Don't you feel like you might just drown from the tears that you are shedding? If so, make me feel it in your words. I think that this is a good beginning, but I think you need to add more emotion.
    | Posted on 2005-12-09 00:00:00 | by Amanda Bee | [ Reply to This ]
      i like it, i do think it was a little short, but i really liek what it was saying, maby make it more deep and a little longer. if you change it let me know.
    | Posted on 2005-12-09 00:00:00 | by morriscool4 | [ Reply to This ]
      um...its kinda week and short. it seems to be more of prose than poetry. im not really into short writings but thats just me.
    | Posted on 2005-12-09 00:00:00 | by BleedingTears | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow! This poem is truly amazing. I especially like this part . . .

    Life goes on but you and I stop
    Our life together is through

    That really touched me. I mean, it's really deep. I bet a lot of people feel this way. Don't give up on the person you love because love may fade but it will never die.
    | Posted on 2005-12-09 00:00:00 | by UnPerfect | [ Reply to This ]

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