Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Forgotten Wardots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Sugar
    ASL Info:    23/F/UK
    Elite Ratio:    3.43 - 84/63/9
    Words: 125
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 920
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 776



    Description:
       This was written a long time ago and I just came across it again today. I dont really have that much of an opinion of it to be honest - so would be good to hear what others think


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsForgotten Wardots
    -------------------------------------------


    I cried inside as the world passed by
    I felt their pain, I watched them die

    I died inside as the world gave in
    We knelt to the rain, accepted sin

    My hands were stained with innocent blood
    The time had come, they said it would

    Religious icons face down in dust
    A mockery of the God we trust

    The air was filled with haunting screams
    They took our lives, they stole our dreams

    Our world became a desperate hell
    A baron wasteland onto which we fell

    I cried inside as our world passed away
    In silence we knelt and began to pray

    I died inside for their suffering, their pain
    For the wasted lives, forgotten again.




    Submitted on 2005-12-10 09:52:30     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      not to say the same thing as everyone else, but this poem is great... i too write about war and politics, and this is one of the best i have seen on the subject...
    political poetry is hard to write by its very nature and most of the time it becomes standard and clichéd, but yours did not...
    this is a great poem on war and to that i say thank you for writting it...
    nicely done

    PEACE and LOVE, greg
    | Posted on 2005-12-14 00:00:00 | by geherald | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked it and how u ryme but the last line this-I died inside for their suffering, their pain
    For the wasted lives, forgotten again. pain and again don't ryme vebaly but writen u all good but the rest was good
    | Posted on 2005-12-13 00:00:00 | by DrewDilla | [ Reply to This ]
      I have to agree with everyone else. This poem is great!
    I love this part, though:

    "The air was filled with haunting screams
    They took our lives, they stole our dreams"

    I don't know why, but I think that part was really good. I hope to see more of your writing!

    Keep up the good work!

    -Shadow
    | Posted on 2005-12-12 00:00:00 | by Lavender | [ Reply to This ]
      Hi this is writen very well but I dont know the word "knelt" please tell me what it means. And music to mine. I think it be diffrent then music to your but I could be wrong.
    | Posted on 2005-12-11 00:00:00 | by DrewDilla | [ Reply to This ]
      this was excellent. i really love this piece. its very political and emotional. i have a piece called THE GOVERNMENT LOVES YOU, which talks about alot of the things you do in this poem. if you have time check it out, and again i love this. im adding it to my favorites. i always love a good political piece.

    - kase
    | Posted on 2005-12-10 00:00:00 | by kase | [ Reply to This ]
      same as all i like this write and id like to read more. keep writing it touched me some what in sertan aspects and like others say it was great
    | Posted on 2005-12-10 00:00:00 | by robbie | [ Reply to This ]
      now that is really soemthing the way you put this poem together is very touching and reaches deep down inside each and everyone's heart and mind , wonderful job done there
    | Posted on 2005-12-10 00:00:00 | by Tarek Refaat | [ Reply to This ]
      I have to agree with the others. This poem is great.
    I cried inside as the world passed by
    I felt their pain, I watched them die

    i like the way you started. When somthing does not start good, I get bored and stop reading. That was not a problem with your poem. I also have to compliment you on the rhyming. It was good. I can never rhyme well. I hope you read my latest poem, Emotions:Defined.

    Peace
    PinkFairy
    | Posted on 2005-12-10 00:00:00 | by PinkFairy | [ Reply to This ]
      Very good imagery, very good emotion shown through these words. The rhymes fit perfectly
    "My hands were stained with innocent blood"
    i love this line! Very good job.


    ~Kane~
    | Posted on 2005-12-10 00:00:00 | by Kane Martyr | [ Reply to This ]
      well my friend this is most deff a great write theirs so much pain and grand imagry in here you are an exelent poet (and i dont use that word lightly) good job and keep on trucking

    xoxo
    that girl
    | Posted on 2005-12-10 00:00:00 | by sweet sorenity | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    83967

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Giving written by jjd
    Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves
    May 31 2018 written by Chelebel
    Life changes in a moment written by Ramneet
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    The Song on Your Guitar written by SavedDragon
    This written by Chelebel
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    Skin of Fables written by ShadowParadox
    Ten Poems written by Wolfwatching
    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Trails written by Daniel Barlow
    In the end written by Janesaddiction
    Transparent written by Daniel Barlow
    untitled written by Chelebel
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Summer Nights written by ollie_wicked
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    Cage written by distortedcloud
    One Thing written by Wolfwatching
    Date night written by expiring_touch
    Song written by Daniel Barlow
    Munyonyo written by expiring_touch
    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
    In My Head written by faideddarkness
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry