Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Forgotten Wardots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Sugar
    ASL Info:    23/F/UK
    Elite Ratio:    3.43 - 84/63/9
    Words: 125
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 867
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 776



    Description:
       This was written a long time ago and I just came across it again today. I dont really have that much of an opinion of it to be honest - so would be good to hear what others think


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsForgotten Wardots
    -------------------------------------------


    I cried inside as the world passed by
    I felt their pain, I watched them die

    I died inside as the world gave in
    We knelt to the rain, accepted sin

    My hands were stained with innocent blood
    The time had come, they said it would

    Religious icons face down in dust
    A mockery of the God we trust

    The air was filled with haunting screams
    They took our lives, they stole our dreams

    Our world became a desperate hell
    A baron wasteland onto which we fell

    I cried inside as our world passed away
    In silence we knelt and began to pray

    I died inside for their suffering, their pain
    For the wasted lives, forgotten again.




    Submitted on 2005-12-10 09:52:30     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      not to say the same thing as everyone else, but this poem is great... i too write about war and politics, and this is one of the best i have seen on the subject...
    political poetry is hard to write by its very nature and most of the time it becomes standard and clichéd, but yours did not...
    this is a great poem on war and to that i say thank you for writting it...
    nicely done

    PEACE and LOVE, greg
    | Posted on 2005-12-14 00:00:00 | by geherald | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked it and how u ryme but the last line this-I died inside for their suffering, their pain
    For the wasted lives, forgotten again. pain and again don't ryme vebaly but writen u all good but the rest was good
    | Posted on 2005-12-13 00:00:00 | by DrewDilla | [ Reply to This ]
      I have to agree with everyone else. This poem is great!
    I love this part, though:

    "The air was filled with haunting screams
    They took our lives, they stole our dreams"

    I don't know why, but I think that part was really good. I hope to see more of your writing!

    Keep up the good work!

    -Shadow
    | Posted on 2005-12-12 00:00:00 | by Lavender | [ Reply to This ]
      Hi this is writen very well but I dont know the word "knelt" please tell me what it means. And music to mine. I think it be diffrent then music to your but I could be wrong.
    | Posted on 2005-12-11 00:00:00 | by DrewDilla | [ Reply to This ]
      this was excellent. i really love this piece. its very political and emotional. i have a piece called THE GOVERNMENT LOVES YOU, which talks about alot of the things you do in this poem. if you have time check it out, and again i love this. im adding it to my favorites. i always love a good political piece.

    - kase
    | Posted on 2005-12-10 00:00:00 | by kase | [ Reply to This ]
      same as all i like this write and id like to read more. keep writing it touched me some what in sertan aspects and like others say it was great
    | Posted on 2005-12-10 00:00:00 | by robbie | [ Reply to This ]
      now that is really soemthing the way you put this poem together is very touching and reaches deep down inside each and everyone's heart and mind , wonderful job done there
    | Posted on 2005-12-10 00:00:00 | by Tarek Refaat | [ Reply to This ]
      I have to agree with the others. This poem is great.
    I cried inside as the world passed by
    I felt their pain, I watched them die

    i like the way you started. When somthing does not start good, I get bored and stop reading. That was not a problem with your poem. I also have to compliment you on the rhyming. It was good. I can never rhyme well. I hope you read my latest poem, Emotions:Defined.

    Peace
    PinkFairy
    | Posted on 2005-12-10 00:00:00 | by PinkFairy | [ Reply to This ]
      Very good imagery, very good emotion shown through these words. The rhymes fit perfectly
    "My hands were stained with innocent blood"
    i love this line! Very good job.


    ~Kane~
    | Posted on 2005-12-10 00:00:00 | by Kane Martyr | [ Reply to This ]
      well my friend this is most deff a great write theirs so much pain and grand imagry in here you are an exelent poet (and i dont use that word lightly) good job and keep on trucking

    xoxo
    that girl
    | Posted on 2005-12-10 00:00:00 | by sweet sorenity | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    83967

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    The Unicorn written by BlazeFlamme
    Cover written by saartha
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (6) written by endlessgame23
    mimicry written by expiring_touch
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    phantom limbs written by expiring_touch
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    Birds of a Feather written by poetotoe
    winners circle written by ShyOne
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    The Old Mill written by Wolfwatching
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    To the Devil and Candle written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Suffer The Children written by poetotoe
    Dream written by closetpoet
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Tartarus written by endlessgame23
    Records I written by Raphael
    i've missed written by mysalvation
    Deep Into A World Of Despair written by DeathTone
    Etiquette written by saartha
    Carry written by saartha
    Relativity written by poetotoe
    Journey written by endlessgame23
    My Four Seasons written by faideddarkness
    More then just goodbye written by faideddarkness
    Physician, Heal Thyself written by WriteSomething
    The World written by jjd
    Shut Up written by annie0888
    Still Perfectly Flawed written by armand

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry