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    dots Submission Name: Intuitiondots

    Author: Raivn
    ASL Info:    33/f/al
    Elite Ratio:    4.28 - 1222/916/231
    Words: 157
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 562
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 957

       Who gives a fuck?

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    I knew that I'd love you the first time we kissed.
    I knew that you'd break my heart.
    I knew that I'd love you for the rest of my life.
    I knew that you'd tear me apart.

    I knew I shouldn't have closed my eyes.
    I fell asleep in your arms.
    I knew I shouldn't open up to you.
    I knew I'd succumb to your charms.

    I knew I never should have let you in.
    You ventured in too deep.
    I knew that I'd get lost in your eyes.
    I should never have watched you sleep.

    I knew that you were everything I wanted
    When we danced beneath the stars.
    I knew I'd give you everything
    If it ever went that far.

    I knew that I'd love you the first time we kissed.
    I knew it from the start.
    You promised that you'd love me forever.
    I knew that you'd break my heart.

    Submitted on 2005-12-10 10:11:29     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      The first stanza in this poem really sets the mood. And that is wonderful. It is a dredfully sad poem, but I liked it a lot. The rhyme scheme was wonderful. It amazes me that in all of the poetry I've read of yours I have yet to see a poem filled with clichéd lines and rhyme. And I love that about your poetry.
    I liked the message in this poem. You knew you'd love him, and you knew he'd break your heart, but you went on loving him anyway. This poem stays true to the old saying. 'It is better to have loved and lost, then to have never loved at all.'
    Wonderful wonderful poem.
    | Posted on 2006-01-20 00:00:00 | by jessie thomas | [ Reply to This ]
      THis was awesome...I think that this is one of those that I REALLY enjoy and that really touch your heart...

    these lines are awesome:I knew that I'd get lost in your eyes.
    I should never have watched you sleep

    Good Job Rai.
    | Posted on 2005-12-14 00:00:00 | by lori_tab | [ Reply to This ]
      Yeah I definately agree with the last post. You need some kind of tanglible symbol. The imagry is pretty good.

    I like how the title is Intuition- that idea that you have a feeling that someone will do something completely opposite of what there actions are telling you know. Logically it makes sense, but its there is just this feeling its not going to work. The lines, "You promised that you'd love me forever.
    I knew that you'd break my heart." is the best example of this.

    To try to improve this, you might want to try to get rid of the "I knew, I knew" gets a little bit reptitve. but I can understand why you did it.

    overall pretty good.

    <3 ellie
    | Posted on 2005-12-10 00:00:00 | by GiveMeTruth | [ Reply to This ]
      I can definately relate to this. I wish I had more to go on, a name, a face, surroundings,
    Some kind of symbol.
    I really like these lines:
    "I knew I shouldn't have closed my eyes.
    I fell asleep in your arms"
    "I should never have watched you sleep"
    I like the heart of this piece. I think you could do more with it.
    | Posted on 2005-12-10 00:00:00 | by nicelyJ | [ Reply to This ]

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