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    dots Submission Name: Pleasedots

    Author: akaietowa-ru_18
    ASL Info:    20/F/Belly of the Beast
    Elite Ratio:    3.68 - 101/125/64
    Words: 193
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 859
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1220


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    If there is a god out there
    please vouch for me.
    Give me a passing glance with cold eyes.
    Make me yearn to take away my sinful thoughts.

    These that come to me when I'm awake in bed,
    dreaming of faraway places
    of what I should be doing.
    Or just when I stand in the hallway watching people go by.

    I seem happy
    yet it's only an act.
    They never see past it.
    They never really see "me"?

    Only ever wanting my past again
    wishing for my future to desapair
    waiting for my present to die.

    Lolling my head to the side while watching others.
    I seem strange to society
    yet maybe I'm has normal as can be
    while you are all as monsterous as the devil.

    Ever passing visions of things
    from other worlds
    maybe from the death that awaits me.
    I'll embrace it though
    with open arms and an open mind.

    Please just pass judgement
    give me a punishment
    and throw away the keys to my life.
    I'll just laugh with happiness as I my body crys from being caged from all the lies.

    Submitted on 2005-12-11 00:19:28     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    ||| Comments |||
      Jess, the emotion in this reaches out of the computer screen and flings me around the room! I feel the pain and the sarcasm, and the feeling of ignorance from the other people who judge the narrator of this poem.

    It makes me think of a young person, in a rusty cage of a circus being made fun of and the keeper of many snide and rude comments, and overall, being shunned from the outside world.

    I've always admired your style of writing and I hope I can live up to it one day.
    | Posted on 2006-04-08 00:00:00 | by ThienAnh | [ Reply to This ]
      I feel your poem. It's very deep, emotional, and sensual. I think that this is a thought of having your spirit inheirt the kingdom of heaven. Trust me. There is a God. It's very beautiful. I think that this is good enough to be added to my favorites. lol. When I saw the title, I thought it would be like words related to Toni Braxton because her song "Please" is one of my favorite songs. lol. Well, marvelous. I hope to be looking at some of your future works. Take care.
    | Posted on 2006-01-16 00:00:00 | by Heat | [ Reply to This ]
      This is so deep and emotional, 1 read and i felt it all! u have a way of expressing yourself really well for your age...

    "I seem happy
    yet it's only an act.
    They never see past it.
    They never really see "me"?"
    - i think this is one element that many people will have in common with you. about the jugdement that u r waiting for God to pass on you- it aint going to be happening soon!i have this idea that God aint around the corner waiting to punish us for the "wrong" we have done but instead will embrace us when we have come to realization that we have done "wrong"...

    You sound strong...stick in there and claim your destiny!

    *keep spreadin the love*

    | Posted on 2005-12-11 00:00:00 | by AfricanPrincess | [ Reply to This ]
      Im sorry you are struggling so much..hang in there...and keep writing...this is really well written, it is interesting and keeps the reader wanting to read on and it conveys your feelings perfectly..stormy
    | Posted on 2005-12-11 00:00:00 | by stormyskies | [ Reply to This ]
      very nice piece indeed, it had the right length and words, although one or two ryhmes would have made it sink in better, with that said i felt that this poem made it seem like the person was going insane, or becoming insane, i hope i haven't understood this piece differently, or in better words, is seeing things someone might class as weird. exellent poem
    ++My Pain++
    | Posted on 2005-12-11 00:00:00 | by my pain | [ Reply to This ]
      I love that. Every word is awesome. No, "awesome" is an understatement. There is a lot of emotion. It's the best that I have read in a while. I agree with the last comment about the last line. It's perfect. Very Beautifully done. Excellent job

    | Posted on 2005-12-11 00:00:00 | by Liv2LoveThePain | [ Reply to This ]
      this is alright. there is a definate emotion in this peice and it is felt through out the peice. i think my fave line is the last it just drives the entire feeling home. great job...Joy
    | Posted on 2005-12-11 00:00:00 | by sweet_rayne | [ Reply to This ]

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    January 10 07
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