Alistar Ambrosia by Aruemos

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Submission Name: Alistar Ambrosia dots

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Author:	Aruemos
ASL Info:	20/M/StL
Elite Ratio:	7.24 - 102/79/40
Words:	174

Class/Type:	Poetry/Love
Total Views:	355
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	1195

Description:
Course It bout a girl, please forgive spelling mistakes. Thank you for your comments

Alistar Ambrosia dots

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Alistar,
my bonnie Lass.
Why do I do what I do,
yet only around You?

You make me shudder,
heart aflutter,
with the most heavenly aquamarine,
a tint of my soul felt blue.

The question's, question,
it plagues me so.
When I leave this World
will You even know?

We spoke together
like two birds of a feather,
that or a broken philosophy.

We went from things
of living crimson,
to those of burning, dead red.

Though all this time
I rarely if ever do see
your ethereal, living,
yet senseless face?
No! I am a coward,
deserter a demon among men.
We slowly and savagely,
tore ourselves apart,
you and I,
my graceful Alistar.

Auras,
of Mint flavored black and blue,
did then forever swirl and curl around you.
And I stepped back simply coated in the mellow,
callow emerald and black.

Forgive me My Divine Alistar,
I broke my promise, You fell...

and I never caught you.

Submitted on 2005-12-11 12:27:52 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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||| Comments |||
  oh! It's beautiful. I like to think I have a photographic memory of all the poems I read. (ha...ha...) and I've never read one like this. It's original. Of course, the them has been said again once and over, but the way you did it is what counts, and in this case, it counts for a lot. As in Lucy Diamond's Favorite Material. Great work Aruemos. Peace
| Posted on 2005-12-16 00:00:00 | by LucyDiamond | [ Reply to This ]
  hey Aruemos,
Although the details to this are not quite clear I do give you a round of applause. I do enjoy rereading some stanzas over because of the magnificent way you have put them together. In my opinion, it was very well done and carefully put together.
Spelling was actually good, but seeing as that is coming from me, one who has to make sure she uses spell check, it is better than I could do. Anyhow, structure was done well and all in all, I couldn't find anything to complain about.
My favorite stanza is as follows:

"We spoke together like two birds of a feather, that or a broken philosophy. We went from things of living crimson, to those of burning, dead red."

Keep Writing!
~much love~
Imaginth
| Posted on 2005-12-11 00:00:00 | by Imaginth | [ Reply to This ]
  let me arrange this a little better so it makes for more enjoyable reading:

Alistar,
my bonnie Lass.
Why do I do what I do,
yet only around You?

You make me shudder,
heart aflutter,
with the most heavenly aquamarine, {great line wonderful language}
a tint of my soul felt blue. { and again here is superb!}

The question's, question, (hmm little shady there, like a spun washed spin on my mind)
it plagues me so.
When I leave this World
will You even know?

We spoke together
like two birds of a feather, {cliché but that’s ok I like them some don’t}
that or a broken philosophy.

We went from things
of living crimson,
to those of burning, dead red.

Though all this time
I rarely if ever do see
your ethereal, living,
yet senseless face?
No! I a(m) a coward,
deserter a demon among men. {this line kicks arse! love it!}

We slowly and savagely,
tore ourselves apart,
you and I,
my graceful Alistar.

Auras,
of Mint flavored black and blue,
did then for ever swirl and curl around you.
And I stepped back simply coated in the mellow,
callow emerald and black. {again intense usage here I do like it a lot}

Forgive me My Divine Alistar,
I broke my promise, You fell...

and I never caught you. {great way to end it}

ok this one I had to approach different. you have talented use of language here but it needs a lot of brushing up. just my opinion you can take it or leave it.
| Posted on 2005-12-11 00:00:00 | by inspirit999 | [ Reply to This ]

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