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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Time Machinedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Halston
    ASL Info:    20/female/carlsbad,ca
    Elite Ratio:    4.01 - 72/71/30
    Words: 98
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 1119
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 649



    Description:
       Written 14.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsTime Machinedots
    -------------------------------------------


    Your walking home
    reading the ground as you go.
    You try not to think how useless thinking is,
    Because your body is a stranger to your mind.

    Feeling like sizzors
    you cut through the night
    And all you really feel like doing
    Is screaming fuck, about a million fucking times

    Laughing so loud
    you think you might be insane
    well what should you do
    when you've messed up so good?

    You were too blind
    you didn't notice the smile
    And what should you say to perfection?
    You'd better get working on your time machine




    Submitted on 2005-12-11 14:54:59     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

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    ||| Comments |||
      'because your body is a stranger to your mind'

    this is good and reminds me of classic struggles between heroines. and 'feeling like scissors, you cut through the night' i like that line. i like how one voice is mocking and the other one can't even protest, knowing already that it's failed.
    | Posted on 2005-12-13 00:00:00 | by Flamingo Leg | [ Reply to This ]
      I love that. Everything about it is awesome. I think the rhythm is perfect. My favorite part is:

    "And all you really feel like doing
    Is screaming [censored], about a million [censored] times"

    Good stuff. Very creative. Excellent job

    -nikkki
    | Posted on 2005-12-11 00:00:00 | by Liv2LoveThePain | [ Reply to This ]
      I think this is realy, good, I completely understand what you're saying. I hate it when I'm trying to think about something, or avoid thinking about it, and there;s that annoying little voice that's trying to get me to think differently or whatever. It's a really good poem, and it's cool how it's all in four lines. This is really good.

    Cheers,
    Azael
    | Posted on 2005-12-11 00:00:00 | by Anticlownperson | [ Reply to This ]
      I thought the rhythm was good. I could understand all but "And what should you say to perfection". In a poem about covering up and trying to go back, perfection seems a bit contradictory-
    If I'm missing the point of that line, let me know...

    -Vas
    | Posted on 2005-12-11 00:00:00 | by hey.you | [ Reply to This ]


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