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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Court Datedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: rws
    ASL Info:    57/m/ohio
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 2777/1297/258
    Words: 46
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 840
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 479



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsCourt Datedots
    -------------------------------------------


    Embalmed in
    rhetorical oils
    and preened for
    smooth debate,
    ancestral maladies
    laid bare;
    demons,
    angels,
    saints.

    Gather ye
    death's
    slain etiquette
    with her
    litigous
    last
    caress

    Another skull's
    ignorant hammer
    blows igniting
    a layer of flesh;
    in withering,
    vivisected forms,
    forged for the merciless.




    Submitted on 2005-12-11 16:26:20     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I can totally agree with Senna. I wish I could write such free form poems like this, and all mine turn to [censored] when I try to, lol. But then again, like all my attempts to wrie in free form, I cannot say yours make any sense either. Not trying to be an ass or anything I just cant grasp this poem. The imagery is there, I just can not understand most of this. Maybe my brain is just fried, or I'm too tired to try. I might just be one of those people that just cant fully comprehend a poem without flow.
    ~Rob~
    | Posted on 2006-02-04 00:00:00 | by ThisIsReal | [ Reply to This ]
      I just WISH I could write this way, i try to write poems...i hate reading rhyming poems...yet if i try to write anything else they always end up unbalanced, with no flow, crap and random.

    it's like my brain is set permanently to "Limerick" mode or something.
    | Posted on 2006-01-26 00:00:00 | by Senna27NZ | [ Reply to This ]
      This is bloody brilliant free verse. Rhetoric, I love that word, and I love this piece... Court date... The first thing that comes to mind is February 7th, an expulsion hearing my best friend had. Your vocabulary is superb, I admire that last stanza a lot, it's very articulate sounding, very smooth. I really enjoyed this piece, it's the best thing I've read in a while. Peace. -rue
    | Posted on 2006-03-02 00:00:00 | by Rue | [ Reply to This ]
      Interesting piece.

    Like all good minimalist stuff, it's creates a clear image without talking time to detail the exact color of the decor.

    This feels really helpless. Everyone who enters here becomes a victim, whether they came in that way or not.

    Nice work,
    Steve
    | Posted on 2005-12-19 00:00:00 | by Lost Sheep | [ Reply to This ]
      *jumps on the bandwagon*
    yeah, f- those a holes in the judicial system

    no honestly i lived your poem... it was short, but powerful, with each word screaming for attention... and on that note, i have nothing significant to say...

    oh, i almost forgot, thanks for commenting on JEBUS, i appreciate it...

    PEACE and LOVE, greg
    | Posted on 2005-12-17 00:00:00 | by geherald | [ Reply to This ]
      The second stanza conjures thoughts of an execution in my mind, with the 'last caress'. But then its difficult to tell. I find your poems difficult to comment on because aside from being densely laden with image and meaning they are at times elusive in their meaning, as with this one.

    But a critical read of this one might reveal (and i'm just guessing), that 'ancestral maladies' sounds to me like those who are prone to trouble. Guys not unlike me who trouble seems to always find without trying too hard. 'slain etiquette' guessing from the rest of the stanza might be "the word of law", ominous and domineering as it is.

    And...(and again i'm guessing)...'ignorant hammer'=gavel, and 'vivisected forms'=court documents (not human shapes).

    I'm probably way off here, but hell, it was fun having a stab at it anyway. Wouldn't have guessed any of that if the title wasn't there probably. I dunno.
    -
    This is entirely unrelated and now i'm just taking up space, but just last night i was relating the story of my last sentencing to someone. Kinda humorous.
    "Yes your honor...no your honor...i know your honor'' its all the usual, then the intolerable part...when the judge just looks down and scribbles, for what seems like an eternity, flipping page after page as you wait. And you wait..and you wait (judge still scribbling), everyone in the room with their eyes on you as you and your attorney stand there awaiting your fate.
    "Mister Carstens...blah-blah-blah...not going to prison, cool.
    Then as i leave...Chad, the deputy they called on me when i acted up in jail, the former college football player says "Hi Ken."
    "Oh hey Chad, how's it goin'?"
    "Depends on how you look at it Ken. You're not going to prison, but i have a warrant for your arrest, so you're going to county."
    "You're shi.tin' me right?"
    "Nope."
    "Waiting for me at the back of the court room? That's low Chad."
    "And i have to cuff you Ken."
    "Its right down the hallway!"
    "I have to do it."
    "Whatever"
    Anyway, i had a paycheck in my pocket, so i didn't even get booked in. "Will you get Ken a jumpsuit and some flip-flops Jason?"
    "Wait a minute Ortega...Jason sit down and eat your pizza...I'm not gonna make it as far as the bullpen today." And they were glad. They all know me there.
    (only me)

    sorry for the waste of space
    (its only words)

    see you later,
    kc
    | Posted on 2005-12-15 00:00:00 | by twacky | [ Reply to This ]
      Goodness, you could get arrested for assault with a deadly pen! Heavy with metaphor, enough to break a chain-gang worker’s back. I love the first 2 lines the most. I suspect that what irks you most about the judicial system is less the obsolescence of the form than its inflexibility, which limits its effectiveness. I do wonder about “vivisected forms”. Vivisected means dissected while alive. Wouldn’t “dessicated” be more appropriate. Let me know what you think.
    fred
    | Posted on 2005-12-15 00:00:00 | by fredmelden | [ Reply to This ]
      Can't say much that anyone else didn't already say... I really loved the brevity of this and the way you used each word so effectively.. On top of that the flow is right on, pulling you through the awesome alliteration and undertone of peace. I, myself, have been through the court system and and I can relate to it in that way, but I know there's more meaning; specifically in that last stanza where I think you open up on a whole different metaphor.. I don't have anything much to critique as you used your words so economically, but this piece is just beyond description,.. Awesome job and I loved the diction; very distinct.. Wish I could fully comprehend it, but what I did was quite enjoyable =O)
    | Posted on 2005-12-14 00:00:00 | by amenora | [ Reply to This ]
      

    with the recent news of Arnie's lack of mercy, this seems very apt…..although it is more universal in subject than one particular case.

    your language is very spare and effective
    I love the phrase

    " with her
    litigious
    last
    caress"

    excellent writing
    | Posted on 2005-12-14 00:00:00 | by ertha | [ Reply to This ]
      This is an interesting poem, Bill.
    hm.
    I also see in your words that there is no love lost between you and the justice system in general.
    but, to me the 'vivisected' and 'ancestral maldies' speaks to a specific kind of trial.
    a divorce or custody case comes to mind, as they can be so incredibly ugly. more so than some murder trials, imho.
    I enjoyed this read.
    Thanks for sharing it.
    ~L
    | Posted on 2005-12-11 00:00:00 | by latentlylyrical | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey,
    Your poem certainly packs a punch. You seem to be making a judgement about justice but it's hard to figure what it is, I like that...Your pace and punctuation (since I always go on about it) is pretty much sound. The only comments I would have are about a couple of words, 'maladies,' seems to laboured for me, maybe 'tempers' instead? Also, don't like 'vivisected' can't say why, but it just seems to stick out too much for my liking, but I can't suggest a replacement, so maybe you could keep it in...
    The only other thing is the title, its fine as it is but I think you could conjure up something better, to match your poem, it just seems kinda bland and nothing in comparison. But well done!
    Thanks for the read.

    JoKing.

    p.s. Thanks for the comments on 'The Roar and The Smell.' Much appreciated.
    | Posted on 2005-12-11 00:00:00 | by JoKing | [ Reply to This ]
      Sounds like you have a rather negative view of the justice/injustice system. Can't blame you.
    You have such an eloquent way of expressing through words. I wouldn't change a thing.
    Been through the process a few times in my life thus far, no I didn't break any laws, so it was very easy for me to connect to this. Although I think it would have been anyways. It's clearly written without being dumbed down. Very lucid, sober, and polished.
    Well done indeed!
    | Posted on 2005-12-11 00:00:00 | by fo | [ Reply to This ]


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