Sign up to EliteSkills

Already have an account? Login to Roleplay.Cloud
Forgot password? Recover Password

Tears verse one

Author: Poeticprincess
ASL Info:    18/f/Germany
Elite Ratio:    3.3 - 333 /325 /104
Words: 108
Class/Type: Misc /Misc
Total Views: 633
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 681


i don't know if it makes sense or not. I mean when i wrote it, it deep because i was just i'm not sure. I mean i get it but i don't know if other people will get it. Anyways tell me what you think.

Tears verse one

So i'll forget that i wasted pages
i'll forget that i went through stages
neva know if my rhymes was deep
pray that i'll go to sleep
then pray the next day i'll wake up
to shake up the world
let the words unfurl
hope to have a dream
then maybe i'll neva scream
wish i wasn't too late to say goodbye
but i was, now watch as i cry

let the tears fall from my eyes'll never have to go through
what i went through
neva get a chance to live again
wishin you were here with me
and i hope to be everything

Submitted on 2005-12-11 20:52:48     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
Edit post

Rate This Submission

1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!


  this was alright. keep flowing. the first two lines were the best. it just went downhill from there. i also think u coulda made a rap verse a lil bit longer. well ok i just reread it. it's not as lyrical as i could be but i can see what u put into it. and maybe that's more important than how good it sounds
| Posted on 2005-12-12 00:00:00 | by unknown soldier | [ Reply to This ]
  hey, this was cool, i definately feel this was deep, im a rapper too, and i loved this for the fact it wasnt all gangstered up, too much of that....well i was really feeling that, keep in touch, let me know if you record or what not, i recorded a few songs, slowly getting better,

deep piece, keep it comming

| Posted on 2005-12-11 00:00:00 | by flylikeaword | [ Reply to This ]

Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

1. Be honest.
2. Try not to give only compliments.
3. How did it make you feel?
4. Why did it make you feel that way?
5. Which parts?
6. What distracted from the piece?
7. What was unclear?
8. What does it remind you of?
9. How could it be improved?
10. What would you have done differently?
11. What was your interpretation of it?
12. Does it feel original?