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This I Vow


Author: Sweet as Sugar
ASL Info:    17/F/WY
Elite Ratio:    3.7 - 43 /50 /13
Words: 103
Class/Type: Poetry /Love
Total Views: 928
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 597



Description:


Okay i haven't posted for a while so i decided to write something really quick and just post it so maybe i will start to post more. I was looking back on memories when righting this. As always it is from my heart, spur of the moment and raw emotions which sometimes cloud flow. I just want your opinions and i hope you like it.


This I Vow



Looking back, I now can see
You know they say hind sight's 20/20
I loved a man who now is lost,
You have no idea at what cost.
He came to me, I turned away.
I always train myself stay.
Never get close, Never get caught,
For your heart was never taught,
What not to do, What not to say
It all comes down to what your willing to pay.
My heart was caught,
And severely taught.
Love had its way with me
I will never again let it be.
You have heard me now
Love will never touch me this I vow.




Submitted on 2005-12-11 21:54:05     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments


  When love goes wrong, it can very often cause us to withdraw and make us unwilling / scared to expose ourselves to more hurt.

Love will come again for you Gwen as long as you let it.

I enjoy the spirit that you portray in your writing.

Frank.
| Posted on 2006-01-22 00:00:00 | by Frank Maguire | [ Reply to This ]
  ryme scheme=and this is truly MY opinion=youd probably be good at rap.it had a rap feel to me.

i love it when defiance is shown in a write,especially at the end=sometimes i do the same.and all the time,my emotions goes into a rant of sorts=raw emotions mixed up into a write,so my flow is not always acceptable either=this all matters not 2 me

it does need some work=4 creative purposes,but nothing major.

i like how you carried the cost through it somewhat.
all in all i enjoyed,and by the way
you're vow will be broken,but u probably already realize this

toyysruss
| Posted on 2005-12-12 00:00:00 | by toyysruss | [ Reply to This ]
  He came to me, I turned away.
I always train myself stay.

Try: (and this is just a sugestion)
I had always planned to stay.

My heart was caught,
And severely taught.

and what about this:

My heart was caught,
and severly fought
(though I don't know what you were going for here.)


You have heard me now
Love will never touch me this I vow.

With:

At last, you have heard me now,
Love will never touch me, this I vow.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I really like this- reminds me of the stuff I write.
I could totally relate to the wanting to vow off love. THe suggestions I made are just suggestions, because raw emotions are always the best.

Come and visit.
<3ellie
| Posted on 2005-12-11 00:00:00 | by GiveMeTruth | [ Reply to This ]
  This is great, as you said the flow was a little off, but it was great. Love hurts and you cannot train your heart to not feel it each and every time it gets broken, I know this because my heart has been broken many times and it still hurts.

I loved this poem, it puts into words exactly what you feel like when you do have your heart broken.

Keep up the good work
| Posted on 2005-12-11 00:00:00 | by babytinkerbelle | [ Reply to This ]


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