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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: One Lastdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: deathbelow
    Elite Ratio:    2.7 - 34/43/17
    Words: 161
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 666
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 936



    Description:
       I finnally realized that I actually loved this guy...as stupid as it sounds...yup...Never thought I could be happy...but here I am...happy as...whatever makes you happy...haha...Tell me what you think


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsOne Lastdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I was never just one more kiss
    Not the last good-bye that ever touched your lips
    And I grabbed the hammer to drive the nails in
    But something held me back from within
    And Iím scared I cant save you or your dying soul
    Because, Iím afraid, I could never make you whole
    But still these nails are bent and broken
    And Iíve found home in, you
    With all laughter and little pain
    These bloody hands, they will never be stained
    And as the lid closes on this wooden tomb,
    In thoughts of you, only you, I am consumed
    This was never just one more kiss
    Not the last bite upon your lips,
    One last smile or three last words,
    As real as my hand is in yours
    Lowered down into the grave
    Please donít let me suffocate
    If itís the last thing that I do,
    Iíd save my last dying breath,
    One last kiss for you.




    Submitted on 2005-12-11 23:18:05     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
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    4: Pretty cool
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    ||| Comments |||
      I like this one as well. Like whoever your talking about just kinda saved you, from yourself. I feel I can relate. Very good write. You really express you emotions good.
    Keep it up hun,
    -Jenny
    | Posted on 2006-12-13 00:00:00 | by Darklonelygirl | [ Reply to This ]
      Sounds pretty desperate alright...

    I like this. But the rhyming...guess it doesn't matter though. I don't quite agree with wilted_ about breaking it up into stanzas. It wouldn't be that intense. Somehow I can imagine it... All I have to say is, this is rather deep to an extent in a good way. Thanks for sharing this.
    | Posted on 2005-12-12 00:00:00 | by RyukiTZR | [ Reply to This ]
      this piece kinda seems like lyrics to me.
    had a vague tune in my head, going through this poem.

    I think love -is- kind of unexpected most of the time, isnt it? how about breaking it up into stanzas, not only looks neater, but also if you do turn them into lyrics, the flow will be better.

    I read desperation in your lines but at the same time, it is as if you've given yourself up completely to him.

    nice write.

    take care,

    Rachel
    | Posted on 2005-12-12 00:00:00 | by wilted_ | [ Reply to This ]


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