Description: I realy didn't write this to have a reason. A friend said something about a grip safty gun. So I just wrote. Just tell me what u think.
I wont to get off my bum
and have a little fun
with a grip safety gun
and I bet you’re on the run
so I shot off in the air
and u start to stair
you say now that's fair
but of you it's rare
I say I just don't care
if you live or die
and you shouldn't try
very hard not to deny
that I could kill.. you guy
only to put you with your friend
in reality you wont that in the end
you wish you could bend
time not to hit send
so he still be alive
but you have to strive
you know so you do a dive
like dodging bees out a hive
that aint fun to do
when you with your crew
in the alley drinking some brew
that sucks says me Andrew
if you stung you turn blue
This is okay. Unusually, I liked the addition of improper English; it fits in well. Since this is supposed to be rap, I won't critisize the rhymes although I thought this could be improved. At first, I thought this lacked a message, but when I read it more closely the next time, this was pretty meaningful.
wow this is awsome how you say you could kill him! and the end is so cool these other people dont know what there talking about this is so cool i'm going to add this to my favorites ok well read ya later
not exactly my style, but it was intriging (sorry can't spell) I think that its a very interesting thing to write about a gun. hmmm makes me think of air soft guns...yea anyways nice minus spelling errors Tabbie Kat
Lol, beyond the whole point of spelling and propr sentences, I like it lol. I'm a violent person in most of my poetry, but i used to praise rap like it was a god or somethin lol. So I think it was good so, keep in touch, I WANNA HEAR MORE! Don't leave me hangin' onto this as the last thing I hear either lol.
btw I still have some of MY rap, if you wanna compare sometime I have yim. yim=gothyka_bytch msn= living4ngel24hotmail.com
What?! I dont fet it... but okay... guess if you put a good beat behind it anything can be a song.lol. I dont know I guess I'd have to hear it. But w/e If this is something you came up with in like 10 mins or w/e just cuz your friend said something You must be a [censored] genius cuz I could never come up with anything that rymed like that... of couse it didnt really make sense but hey... nobody needs to understand it but you right??? So... anywayz, thats my comment and it's finished.
look its not to be just writen it's supose to be like a rap. It wouldnt be very good if it was proper english. and if u say it would the go look up your favorit rapper online and read what he/she wrote. and if you talk to people on here they spell you with just an u
You really need to learn how to spell and form sentences and phrases before you try to write lyrics or poetry or whatever this is supposed to be. I'm sure you have good intentions, but nobody will ever take your work seriously when it's loaded with these types of errors.