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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Experience Medots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Brwnsknsam05
    ASL Info:    32/F/ Cuba
    Elite Ratio:    4.78 - 399/440/103
    Words: 317
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 969
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2181



    Description:
       This poem is about a woman that is in an abusive relationship. As the poem begins she uses "I" to explain how she feels then she tries to distance herself from the situation by using "she" and "her". This poem is not based upon me, but I was inspired because of a true story. I hope you like it.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsExperience Medots
    -------------------------------------------


    Pulled me by the hand
    Sweet nothings whispered in my ear
    So soft and full of promise
    He, took me by my finger tips
    Lulled me to sleep with his kiss
    Caressed me with his words

    And he...
    He allowed himself to compete
    For my affections
    In public, in private
    Especially in public

    And pulled my hand in dominance
    Regarded me in stares
    He held me close though
    That was the meaning of love
    Affection?
    Wasn't it?

    And the nudges became jerks
    And it was all play
    Right?
    And the sweet nothings continued
    As strike after strike
    I fell so much in love

    And every door was an escape
    Every exit locked
    And I wasn't trapped
    No, not me

    I had indulging words
    And hand holds
    I had a figment of a man
    I held my empty shell together

    Because it would only get better
    These bitter, words, he didn't mean
    And strike for strike
    Led to violent nights
    Violent falls where ha pushed me
    Into walls, into chairs

    And I finally ran into myself
    No, she ran into herself
    A broken reflection in the bathroom
    An episode created by her

    And sweet nothings continue to keep her
    Here
    Continue to guard her
    There
    And he loves her though
    Right?

    Strike after strike is a love blow
    A love slap
    A lovers' spat

    But she, nor I ever fight back
    Because
    He, took me by my finger tips
    Lulled me to sleep with his kiss
    Caressed me with his words

    And I fell asleep on stones
    A concussion
    So deep it penetrated my soul, her soul
    And I reflect back on it
    As he buries me

    With his words
    With his kiss
    And whispers "Good bye"

    And I sleep
    At peace
    Because
    Strike for strike
    I broke...

    And I experienced life
    Right?




    Submitted on 2005-12-12 00:05:31     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Geez. I'd only add that the exits were all locked by your own hand, cuz thas a little confusing. So - good call, new eyes. Easier to see when they not puffy from crying or god knows what else. I'm glad for you. I see so many caught in abusive relationships, and so many more who seem to want to be in one. The best reasoning i've heard was that if he's hurting me, at least he's the only one and he actually cares. Its good that your distancing yourself from that mindset. A skewed worldview is dangerous to all involved - whether its being a target of another's childish anger, being allowed to express such childish anger, or even seeing such htings from afar and convincing oneself that its ok. I'm glad I read this. Good times and good luck = and also never go to cleveland but thats a different story.
    shard
    | Posted on 2005-12-14 00:00:00 | by particularshard | [ Reply to This ]
      Damn...i dunno...this was pretty damn powerful though..and this topic always gets me going...i hate hearing about petty, cowards that hit women...now a playful slap in the bedroom is more than ok...but when you're layin into the poor girl thats where the line is crossed 100 times over. i felt the desperation in this as i read along. Did you know of this all along? It really is a bad situation and you put it out there quite effectively! Damn Micki, i've been so busy with everything, and it just never seems to end and i know you're pissed with me now, but you should know what it's like hun...right? I'm sorry...hope to talk with you later.

    Brent
    | Posted on 2005-12-13 00:00:00 | by austin | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a very strong poem and topic. Domestic abuse is all too common. You build up the situation very well. Unfortunately, partners do make excuses all too often and thing about the good times when they should be thinking about leaving. ‘ He, took me by my finger tips’ is very emotive. This poem reminds me of one of my own on the same subject. ‘Birth to a Blind Horse.’
    Take care
    Comradenessie.
    | Posted on 2005-12-12 00:00:00 | by comradenessie | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow...this poem was great! I loved how you took it and described it as her seeing herself. It's hard to see that when you're in a situation like this. If you ever have the desire I have a poem called "Reflections" that kind of says the same things in this poem. I really like how you carried your reader into the relationship and showed how different a person can really be once they are comfortable. It's so true that so many say that "they weren't like this when I met them" or "I never saw this coming". I so very glad that this isn't based on your own personal experience, but it's a horrible thing to have to go through and you have a very good grasp on what I think a lot of woman feel when they are in an abusive relationship. I unfortunately could connect with the emotion that you conveyed in this poem, but it was a very good poem. Great job!

    Candi
    | Posted on 2005-12-12 00:00:00 | by dreamweaver | [ Reply to This ]
      This is one of the most amazing poems I have yet read. I don't know how to describe it with words, but this is perfect, conveying her thoughts of denial. And, like you said in the description, the change of pronouns from "I" to "her" distanced the woman from the worse aspects of the relationship. Also, from the beginning to near the ending, the repeats of her memories of his kisses and touch brought a feeling of sadness. The tragity lies in that even though she was being hit and abused, she tried to focus on the brighter side of the relationship because of her attachment to him. Once again, this poem is simply amazing; I wish I could find better words for it. The flow, especially the separations of the lines and the use of commas, gave me a sense of rush, like at times her thoughts are torn back and forth between the contradictory feelings, and other times she was so weak by his abuse that she could barely speak. Well, that's my view on it. The ending is somewhat expected of the whole relationship yet still shocking, through the vagueness, and it left me wondering what eventually became of her. Great job; I loved it. This is definitely going in my favorites.
    | Posted on 2005-12-12 00:00:00 | by fading37embers | [ Reply to This ]
      This was a sad beauty. That's how I like to call it. A very touching poem, because it is so true. To know that women can be so vulnerable, yet knowing that every woman could lead herself into such a situation for the sake of love, is a tragic thought.

    There was much emotion in this piece, and the flow was very smooth, the story heart-breaking. I also like the idea of using commas. It helps the reader take in the full meaning and look at every word.

    I do have a few suggestions with regards to this poem, hoping to help make it of even higher standard than it already is. My first is that you leave spaces. I understand the reason behind keeping it in one go, it being a story and all, but I really think it would add more to emotion if you organised thoughts into sections. In order to let each thought and feeling sink in.

    I will re-write the poem with a few very minor adjustments and added spaces. You may leave or take whatever you wish:

    "Pulled me by the hand
    Sweet nothings whispered in my ear
    So soft and full of promise
    He, took me by my finger tips
    Lulled me to sleep with his kiss
    Caressed me with his words
    And he...

    He allowed himself to compete
    For my affections
    In public, in private,
    Especially in public.
    And pulled my hand in dominance
    Regarded me in stares

    He held me close though
    That was the meaning of love,
    Affection?
    Wasn't it?
    And the nudges became jerks
    And it was all play
    Right?

    And the sweet nothings continued
    As strike after strike
    I fell so much in love
    And every door was an escape
    Every exit locked
    And I wasn't trapped

    No, not me
    I had indulging words
    And hand holds
    I had a figment of a man
    I held my empty shell together
    Because it would only get better

    These bitter, words, he didn't mean
    And strike for strike
    Led to violent nights
    Violent falls where h(e) pushed me
    Into walls, into chairs
    And I finally ran into myself

    No, she ran into herself
    A broken reflection in the bathroom
    An episode created by her
    And sweet nothings continue to keep her
    Here
    Continue to guard her
    There

    And he loves her ()
    Right?

    Strike after strike is a love blow
    A love slap
    A lovers' spat
    But (neither) she,
    nor I
    ever fight back

    Because
    He, took me by my finger tips
    Lulled me to sleep with his kiss
    Caressed me with his words
    And I fell asleep on stones

    A concussion
    So deep it penetrated my soul,
    Her soul
    And I reflect back on it
    As he buries me
    With his words
    With his kiss
    And whispers "Good bye"

    And I sleep
    At peace
    Because
    Strike for strike
    I broke...

    And I experienced life
    Right?"

    Okay, you'll notice I changed very little, I only wrote it out for the sake of the spaces, I think putting the poem into parts gives it power, especially in this case.

    I apologize for taking so much space, but I truly liked the piece and so I gave you my thoughts on it. I hope my suggestions are of some help.

    Much admiration,
    DeepDreamer2008
    | Posted on 2005-12-12 00:00:00 | by DeepDreamer2008 | [ Reply to This ]


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