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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Decadencedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: insipid sky
    Elite Ratio:    4.59 - 142/145/28
    Words: 149
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 249
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 996



    Description:
       This is the first thing I have written in months. I'm not sure what I think of it, yet.

    Please share your thoughts.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDecadencedots
    -------------------------------------------


    Parents continually break promises to their kid,
    repeating the same cycle their families did.
    Awakened by their own screams of fright
    are children who will always feel alone at night.

    A lonely boy raises himself in silence
    and grows to commit crimes of violence.
    Another student ignored in and outside of school
    begins to act out by breaking every rule.

    A decreasing number of pupils pass
    because teachers no longer educate the class.
    A lover being used tears her skin apart
    in a futile attempt to heal her heart.

    Blind followers led astray,
    struggling to remember a better day.
    Unable to reach an agreement, wars will be waged;
    More destruction has occurred as the Earth has aged.

    Each generation will meet at this tryst,
    Until we all cease to exist.
    Meanwhile, it is reported with dismay,
    that the state of the world is in decay.




    Submitted on 2005-12-12 16:39:55     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I would comment that the disfunctional nature of the world comes through in your piece. I'm not sure it comes across strongly or with a committed sense of disapproval or even dissatisfaction though?

    I like the little two lined references you give as impetus for the theme.

    A point of recognition becomes a point of reflection and this seems to be the point at which your writing of this piece is.
    A nice reflective expression of something that's less than appealing, you've done well here!
    | Posted on 2006-12-21 00:00:00 | by danativ | [ Reply to This ]
      I think it describes a feeling perfectly. Okay... maybe not so much a feeling as an observation. These sorts of things happen so much, and I hadn't seen them all lumped into one piece of art until now.

    I really love how you always manage to make your poems rhyme. It's something I can never do, and I think it's a tool you use perfectly. It really adds to everything you do.

    The only difficult part for me was reading the "Races and creeds..." stanza. Maybe I'm just stupid, but I had a hard time making it flow like the rest of the poem.

    Overall, however, this was very good.
    | Posted on 2006-03-28 00:00:00 | by axolotl | [ Reply to This ]
      we all tend to get to these places where we really think about the word around us, and reflect. i think you did a nice job with the different issues. its always nice to step out of yourself and look at the bigger picture!

    -Nikki
    | Posted on 2005-12-13 00:00:00 | by stolie77 | [ Reply to This ]
      It was a good piece. Maybe could have been better. I think you could have made your stanzas flow together a little better, to me they sound like you are reading a bunch of headlines from a news paper. Great idea and rhyming. Just needs a little extra something to make it roll smoothly.
    | Posted on 2005-12-12 00:00:00 | by SonAsylum | [ Reply to This ]



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