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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Roommatesdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: mon28
    ASL Info:    29 /F /Montana
    Elite Ratio:    6.14 - 176/59/14
    Words: 111
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 1052
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 623



    Description:
       Just something that I wonder about when I am in search mode for that "perfect" guy!


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsRoommatesdots
    -------------------------------------------


    You know me inside out and we have never dated
    Years have passed since the first time we met
    We have known the best and worst of one another
    I have loved you close by and from afar
    You saw me with him and I noticed her too
    Us, we were always going in different directions
    My drama was not about you, but you were there
    Through it all, I melted into your background
    Now we are both alone and question the idea
    Can we get together and yet remain friends
    Should we risk the one that has always been there
    For a chance that is just so hard to predict




    Submitted on 2005-12-12 17:49:55     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I know exactly how that goes, im actually going through much the same thig as the protagonist in your poem, i think it raises several interesting questions, the answers to which can only be found in each individual, It was short, that always scores point with me :) but thats cuz i have a short attention span, it was strong; very well constructed in terms of syntax, and i could relate, so i think it was amazing :)
    | Posted on 2005-12-12 00:00:00 | by lucianraven | [ Reply to This ]
      Hmm... interesting idea of falling in love with the guys were closest to. One of my clost friends ended up meeting this guy she went to high school with, but never talked to, and they became really good friends, watched eachother date, but eventually fell in love and got married. The thing was that they were perfect for eachother. Lucky for them life worked out in a fairytale way. Anyway, your piece reminded me of that.

    I have loved you close by and from afar
    I really like this idea.

    come visit
    <3 ellie
    | Posted on 2005-12-12 00:00:00 | by GiveMeTruth | [ Reply to This ]
      I think most of us can relate to this. I think you could take some words out to make the impact stronger. For instance, you could say "I have loved you close and from afar" because the "by" doesn't add a lot meaning.
    I think you can omit "us" from "Us, we were always going in different directions" too. I also don't think you need the "yet" in "Can we get together and yet remain friends." There are several places in which you omitted the comma before the conjunction when joining two sentences, but you use it in "My drama was not about you, but you were there." I prefer to always use it because literature is different from newspaper writing (and that's the origin of omitting it). Anyway, I'd be consistent and use it or not. Nicely done, but I think you could polish this a little, Amy
    | Posted on 2005-12-12 00:00:00 | by cuddledumplin | [ Reply to This ]


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