Description: Too much pain. I feel drained.
(Do not associate with Ayn Rand's book, the meaning of the title implies that my burden is too much too handle)
The end has come.
It is too much.
Just let me go.
Its all I plead.
Too many troubles.
They don't know what they want.
My heart can't take it.
Its too much pain.
I lost myself today.
Searching for my identification,
I found no trace that I ever existed.
Met a stranger today.
Turned out I had known him before.
I looked him in the eye, I recognized the boy.
he did not mature, he remained the same.
A monster gleamed in his eye.
He tried to contain it but it was too much.
Wish I could take away the pain.
I want nobody to cry.
Would it be better if I died?
Look to memories for comfort
But found no trace of it.
I don't belong anywhere
And everyone feels like a burden.
Don't cry anymore.
Don't worry.
I'll find a way to take away your pain.
I dreamed of a cliff
And a bottomless pit.
I jump but I can't fly.
I fall and that's the end.
Since I read a very good poem of yours, I decided to take a look at your other works, and I am glad I did so. This poem was nicely written. I am not fully convinced by the rather simple structure, but that is not something I would worry too much about. The poem is fluent and very eloquent. You have a way with words that many lack. However, I really felt this was incomplete. You need to develop this idea further. As a poem, it was average only because of that. Its imagery and diction are truly personal and original, but there seems to be no goal to this poem. You also seem to be very vague at moments. In your descriptions, you should emphasise certain points and elaborate on them to get the reader. I liked this, but I do think it could be improved.
Hum i really enjoyed your piece here. I like your play on words with your contradictions, how you meet a stranger but you already knew him. I was a bit confused with last two lines of the first 2 stanzas but by the end I caught myself.
I dreamed of a cliff And a bottomless pit. I jump but I can't fly. I fall and that's the end
Love that part, i can just see it and then poof! the end and its gone.
ana you allow the world to drain you for all your worth and you gotta learn to relax. Your perfectionism is finaly taking a tole on your spirit and I hate to say I told you so. Learn hot to settle for good enough and stop reaching for a level of greatness that you know does not exist. You will never be perfect so learn how to enjoy the simple things in life. Try being dumb for a day because the saying is true-ignorance is sometimes blissfull. Sweetie try to enjoy life and not stress over it.
If only we could wake each time our life takes a bad turn. To wake and vanish all that has been. I often wonder how it would be in my own end. Pain can at times be so great that we wish only to be done with life as to end the pain.
To live and lose oneself in life. We search for ourself but find that we have not as yet seen what lyes ahead. We have made no impact yet. When we can search and find ourself then we will have passed on to another life. We will never find us. It is because we change constantly and ourself evolves with the change. What trouble is waiting for us? What nightmare will we dream tonight? What dream will set us free?
This is a awesome poem that asks many questions and answers few. I could sit and ponder on this write for hours and find questions of life and answers of death. Not just physical but mental death as well. If you ask your self a question enough times it becomes an answer after a while. If I ask myself about who I am enough times, it will become an answer after a while
Ok this has intrigued me so much. I think you have caused me to blow my gasket here.
I love to sit and read a poem over and over to see how many different views I can get out of it.
Well I think you have done well with this one and I have probably gotten off the beaten path on this one.
Ana, why are you thinking like this? What is causing your pain? Please don't feel like this. I know do sometimes but please Ana don't feel alone I am here, your friends ae here!
Now your poem, First off your character said Its just too much, this immeadiatly signaled to me that the person was in the same struggle as Atlas of mythology, "The world of his shoulders thing." "I met a stranger today, turned out I knew him before" This reminds me of the quest/challeges(spelling?) to Hercules, where he must gain the golden apples, he goes to Atlas and convinces him to get him some golden apples if Hercules will take his onus for the time he is gone. Atlas finally comes back and comes back and then cruelly forces Herc to hold the burden a bit longer(life lesson don't hold others burdens for them, they won't take them back.) Herc has to trick him in the end(sure you already knew this). Ok, back to the poem, "I don't belong anywhere. Alta is alone at the end of the world holdig it. The shrug you don't say but refer to, seems like me whenever I go running when tired or am in my AP chem class, Altas tries to remain awake and he blacks out for only a spilt second catching and collecting himself, hating what he has been. Nice references(I LOVE MYTHOLOGY!) Only suggested try some color, example Black abyss instead of bottomless pitt. The poem doesn't need it, it would just add to it. Thanks for posting
I cannot really say I liked it. It did not seem like a complete thought. It was more like just a bunch of lines that someone cut out of a news paper and then glued to a paper. You start off with one idea and then a few lines latter you are somewhere else. The next thing is the title. I am not sure what it has to do with the poem.
i was kinda lost at the beginning but at the end it wrapped it all up in a nice little box with a bow and a card saying "merry christmas" lol. I'm being goofy. But seriously, I enjoyed it! Its odd because I felt the exact same way this afternoon.
Submission Name: Atlas Shrugged
