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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Walldots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: darkness
    ASL Info:    19/F/my own world
    Elite Ratio:    1.84 - 524/218/40
    Words: 79
    Class/Type: Poetry/Me
    Total Views: 291
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 534



    Description:
       welllllll i rote this 1 2 feel better sooooo.......
    its kinda 2 short i think


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Walldots
    -------------------------------------------


    O I have built the wall which surrounds me
    once more

    Indeed it's foundation is strong
    and i'ts pillers stand tall

    This wall is not built with brick like the last
    Nay, but it is fused with stone-clad-marble

    Slippery and Cold
    Dark and Deadly

    Indeed brick can be broken
    but iron-clad-marble shall remain

    This wall which i have fashioned so deep
    shall keep me so safe
    at peace

    I hope...




    Submitted on 2005-12-12 19:33:05     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I think you should take this and expand on the descriptions of the wall. Specifically, why is it so cold? Reading this made me curious, but i want to know more.

    What's behind the wall? Why is it there? Why does the speaker seek its solace?

    As it is it's not "concrete" enough. You arouse my curiosity but there's not enough for my mind to devour and feel satisfied.
    | Posted on 2006-04-09 00:00:00 | by Fizzlethorpe | [ Reply to This ]
      this is my comment back

    this is a classic traped poem

    Slippery and Cold
    Dark and Deadly

    Indeed brick can be broken
    but iron-clad-marble shall remain

    This wall which i have fashioned so deep
    shall keep me so safe
    at peace

    was my favroit part

    Trevor...~
    | Posted on 2006-03-21 00:00:00 | by goomaster03 | [ Reply to This ]
      Good stuff, Grim. I'm impressed. I like it. This thing sounds super holy. Haha. But I like it, I do. You sound angry, but at the same time you sound... hmm... at peace. Haaa.

    I'm talking to you on MSN btw. -grin-

    GOOD JOB. VERY INTERESTING. BLAH, BLAH, BLAH.

    EliteSkills, are you happy?
    | Posted on 2005-12-13 00:00:00 | by GiveMeTheGun | [ Reply to This ]
      This is such a great poem ! ! Dude, your imageery is A W E S O M E ! ! ! ! I love it ! Anyways , I'm sorry I can't right more . . . I'm majorly busssssy !
    | Posted on 2005-12-13 00:00:00 | by UnPerfect | [ Reply to This ]
      Yea I automatically thought pink ffloyd too..
    very cool write,
    I like the rhyme scheme.
    I like how you use words such as "nay, shall, O, and indeed"
    I also write my poetry like that but you are one of the few I have that in common with. Keep it up
    Amber
    | Posted on 2005-12-12 00:00:00 | by PoeticSoul666 | [ Reply to This ]
      it reminded me of the pink floyd movie "the wall" heheh. You should have made it longer, told more about what you are hiding from. Given us little hints on what is making you build this wall. But then of coarce the wall would crumble heh. Ah yes now I understand it is ment to be like that, or at least I think so. Well good poem

    ~peace~
    | Posted on 2005-12-12 00:00:00 | by cannibal | [ Reply to This ]
      check the spelling, love. other than that, i agree with the above comment, but really do like this poem. it kind of makes me think of what i have to be protected from.
    | Posted on 2005-12-12 00:00:00 | by lola47 | [ Reply to This ]
      It not quantity is quality lol. Not bad, but i think you should write more on what the wall protects you from, and what evils it keeps away from you
    | Posted on 2005-12-12 00:00:00 | by Darko | [ Reply to This ]
      i liked the line slipery and cold..maybe if u got rid of the end and made it sliprycold then it would read a lil better idk the ending i hope was like wow it really gave it some emotion i liked it

    8.7/10

    Trevor...~
    | Posted on 2006-03-10 00:00:00 | by goomaster03 | [ Reply to This ]



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