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    dots Submission Name: nothings ever saiddots

    Author: my pain
    ASL Info:    16/F/aust
    Elite Ratio:    5.55 - 191/123/39
    Words: 57
    Class/Type: Poetry/Venting
    Total Views: 763
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 402

       i'm sick of people forgetting me and other people, it hurts to know no one rememebers you... anywayz just leave a comment about what you think...thanx

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsnothings ever saiddots

    standing on a cliff,
    no one seems to care,
    empty eyes seem to stare,
    At a life unseeminly bleak.

    lingering in a darkned room,
    memories ever so perfect,
    lost to a voice of doom,
    resulting in a tormented and torn soul.

    fading away,
    people forget,
    the person they once remembered,
    but nothings ever said.

    Submitted on 2005-12-13 01:41:55     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      some people think that it is cool to forget others names (i never understood that)... people are always forgetting my name, those who do, i try to forget them
    any way, as usual it was a good write
    the rhyming pattern however could use some improvement
    in the first verse, the 2nd and 3rd lines are rhyming
    in the second verse, the 1st and 3rd lines are rhyming
    in the third verse, no lines are rhyming

    it doesn't matter whether a poem is rhyming or not but it should have a cconstant pattern


    | Posted on 2006-01-10 00:00:00 | by abuzzbuzz92 | [ Reply to This ]
      I can definately relate to this piece. I know how it feels to be overlooked and/or forgotten.
    I've also been on the other side. I've gotten so overwhelmed because I know and love so many people that I can't keep up with them all.

    Anyway, I think you could change some of the phrasing in the piece. "memories ever so perfect" you could changed to *once perfect memories* I like "lost to a voice of doom" but
    the next line I think should be revised. Maybe you could just change "resulting in" I think you need something with more punch.
    | Posted on 2005-12-13 00:00:00 | by nicelyJ | [ Reply to This ]
      There's a lot of emotion behind this poem.
    You did have a typo though >>unseeminly<< should be >>unseemingly<<
    And you had a *unique* rhyme scheme in that it varied from stanza to stanza.
    Anyway, Keep Writing and we'll keep reading.
    | Posted on 2005-12-13 00:00:00 | by painofthanatos | [ Reply to This ]
      i like this.

    i used to write a lot
    of poetry like this.
    i feel [your] pain.

    you use good imagery...
    i can picture [myself]
    standing [alone] on a cliff.

    good write.
    | Posted on 2005-12-13 00:00:00 | by narcolepsy | [ Reply to This ]

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