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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Green Tree Frogdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: TD
    ASL Info:    34/f/Aust
    Elite Ratio:    8 - 92/81/21
    Words: 175
    Class/Type: Poetry/Childrens
    Total Views: 816
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1101



    Description:
       Okay, I had fun with this one. :) Probably not worthy of much comment, but please feel free to post suggestions for improvement.

    This childish poem was inspired by my niece who adores tree frogs and sometimes pretends to be one. One afternoon recently while watching her spring around on all fours, pretending to eat flies, I thought to myself how some people are in fact very much like tree frogs in the way they behave and live (I suppose most of the human population can be equated to at least one member of the animal kingdom). Anyway, I wrote this for my niece (I hope she likes it) - as well as for my own brief reflections. I might have to work on the rhythm, but here it is anyway :)

    [Ed: She also pretends to be a spider - maybe it has something to do with eating flies, but I couldn't find many nice things to write about spiders - urrgh.]


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsGreen Tree Frogdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I was born a brown tadpole,
    In a pool of mud,
    To join a score just like me
    The forest in our blood.

    I was happy as a tadpole,
    When I woke with some surprise,
    Little arms and legs appeared,
    And a taste for buzzing flies.

    I was a born again tree frog,
    As green as a gardener's thumb,
    With a long, spring action tongue,
    And a penchant for pond scum.

    I am now a green tree frog,
    Clinging tightly to the shade,
    Where all good, insipid tree frogs
    Flee from the hot summer days.

    I am but a green tree frog,
    Peeping from under the toilet seat,
    Cosy in the warmth of the dark,
    Until a scream makes me retreat.

    I am still a green tree frog,
    With a sweet song for the night,
    Provided a chorus accompanies me
    Because that is only polite.

    So please, put away your flashlights,
    And drive carefully on the road,
    I'm just a little green tree frog,
    Not a fat, warty toad.




    Submitted on 2005-12-13 09:03:59     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
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    ||| Comments |||
      This is really fun. I might replae a couple of the "bigger" words, insipid sticks in mind, but I think this is great piece of children's lit.

    The last line moight flow better as
    "Not a BIG, fat, warty toad."
    It seems like it needs another syllable.

    Thanks for sharing,
    Steve
    | Posted on 2005-12-19 00:00:00 | by Lost Sheep | [ Reply to This ]
      That is neat, but I don't think my niece would understand it all. What with words like penchant and insipid. Unless your niece is genius or you wrote it for when she gets older. Any way, toads are cool too and you could write about a spider like Charlotte. Since I'm sure she probably doesn't know about the spiders somewhat morbid yet vital role in Nature, then you could make them be nice. Other than all that I thought it was fantasic. Very good rhyming and characterization of the tree frog. Too cute, too cute. Good job. ~Sam~
    | Posted on 2005-12-13 00:00:00 | by alittlebithippy | [ Reply to This ]
      Heh, heh, heh,

    Little kids are mental. Obviously you're spending too much time delving into their mindset, or maybe you weren't enough previously. Definately you've developed a theme of it now.

    I just get a gut laugh picturing a little girl hopping around eating flies. Don't worry, i've seen it a few times before myself. Heh, heh, heh. Oh, mercy!

    Well this was a nicely crafted little ditty and i wouldn't really have commented but there were a couple of choice lines there i had to mention. Particularly:

    I was a born again tree frog,

    and then:

    I am still a green tree frog,
    With a sweet song for the night,
    Provided a chorus accompanies me
    Because that is only polite.

    Such a well mannered frog, which you don't see enough of these days. And driving advice too! I assume that's directed at your protagonist is 'Vide'.

    If i thought you could be arsed editing i'd also mention the following to repair your dips in rhythm.

    And [yes,] a penchant for pond scum.

    Not a fat [and] warty toad.

    Heh, heh, heh, a born again tree frog, now that's a mental image, complete with bible, short sleeve white shirt and tie.

    Abzy
    | Posted on 2005-12-13 00:00:00 | by Abzy | [ Reply to This ]
      "I'm just a little green tree frog,
    Not a fat, warty toad."

    Very cute, I think any niece would love this.


    I do have a couple suggestions, use what works, toss the rest!


    In the first stanza I'd drop 'wriggling' and 'with':

    I was born a brown tadpole,
    in a pool of mud,
    To join a score just like me;
    the forest in our blood.

    I'd change the last line to plural 'days'.

    I am now a green tree frog,
    Clinging tightly to the shade,
    Where all good, insipid tree frogs
    Flee from hot summer days.

    On this stanza- in the States cosy has a 'z'. Is it an Aussie thing?

    I am but a green tree frog,
    Peeping from under the toilet seat,
    Cosy in the warmth of the dark,
    Until a scream makes me retreat.


    Again, just a couple minor suggestions. It's a very cute poem as it is!

    Thanks for the giggle- I'm gald you didn't write about spiders!

    Chell
    | Posted on 2005-12-13 00:00:00 | by Chell | [ Reply to This ]


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