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    dots Submission Name: Beautydots

    Author: Autum-Moon
    ASL Info:    15/Female/drowing
    Elite Ratio:    3.22 - 284/165/29
    Words: 63
    Class/Type: Poetry/Dark
    Total Views: 499
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 431

       I am looking for feedback to help me write better. Any comment you leave will be wonderful. Thanks.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    Dancing in the dark,
    under the moon.
    Water glaring,
    Her time is soon.

    She dances there,
    in the trees,
    Hair flowing,
    She falls to her knees.

    She begins to cry,
    Her time has come,
    Razor in hand,
    She becomes numb.

    Blood all over,
    this beauty of light,
    Killed by memories,
    in the deep of night.

    Submitted on 2005-12-13 16:22:46     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Very sad. I can really relate. It had sweet sorrow. I loved it. You are a great writer. I love how easily I can relate to your poetry. Keep it up :)


    | Posted on 2006-10-20 00:00:00 | by Poetic_tragedy6 | [ Reply to This ]
      This was beautiful in a sad way - or in a Romeo Juliet kind of way - it's interesting and although it's short it is sweet and has a certain rhythm and it isn't what one would expect from the title!
    Love,Peace,Joy&Smilez 2 share
    | Posted on 2006-02-01 00:00:00 | by Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      hi, this poetry is nice and sweet. I especially like the lines "Blood all over,
    this beauty of light,
    Killed by memories,
    in the deep of night."
    Keep up the good work.
    | Posted on 2006-01-23 00:00:00 | by afsana | [ Reply to This ]

    Great poem( ok I've said that alot for your poems, time for a new word). I do like how even though the person died, it seems to have a happy ok not happy but awing feeling (right word i guess?).

    *Let it Flow*
    | Posted on 2005-12-14 00:00:00 | by Silent_Tears | [ Reply to This ]
      Well this is good...I mean nothing in it is bad that I can see, she kills herself and you have titled this beauty...not sure that I know what you are trying to say there, but in the beginning you see this girl and she is dancing and you think that it may be a happy poem...but then no, she dies. How sad. Spark up your topics maybe, you have huge potential really, you are a sensitive soul and my suggestions for your writing are to really look inside yourself, who you are now and not who you are trying to be or who you want to be. Write with your heart and you will never ever do bad.
    | Posted on 2005-12-14 00:00:00 | by lori_tab | [ Reply to This ]
      Nice. Short. and to the point. The short lines left nothing to the imagination.

    Keep writing what you feel, what's in your heart and you'll do just fine. You never can go wrong when it comes from within.

    keep up the good writes.

    | Posted on 2005-12-13 00:00:00 | by illusions35904 | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked how you made this topic beautiful, if you understand what I mean by that. The things I caught have already been brought out. i love the setting and the mood.
    | Posted on 2005-12-13 00:00:00 | by lesh09 | [ Reply to This ]
      This is good. Think that it is a pretty common topic though. Just keep on writing from your heart and you will be just fine. Um, on the 3rd line you mispelled glare... you added an 'I' to it. I liked the short lines, it added to the mood. It was a good thing.
    | Posted on 2005-12-13 00:00:00 | by sug90 | [ Reply to This ]
      you do have a lot of talent!
    this is a very dark poem but you did a great job presenting your point.
    not too long and it flowed well.
    | Posted on 2005-12-13 00:00:00 | by MMISS | [ Reply to This ]

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