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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: youdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Leon Kennedy
    ASL Info:    15/m/La
    Elite Ratio:    2.78 - 51/75/22
    Words: 101
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 906
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 594



    Description:
       looked back on past relationships. boy was that fun.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsyoudots
    -------------------------------------------


    I gave you my all,
    I took all your falls,
    What did you do for me?
    Other than cause me misery?

    You stabbed me in the back,
    Then you hacked,
    Away at my heart,
    And tore it apart,

    Now I have no will to live,
    My heart feels like a sieve,
    That is being filled with sand,
    Nothing stays in it and everything feels bland,

    So thanks for all you did for me,
    All the pain and misery,
    I hope no one else has to suffer through,
    All the pain that that is caused by you...




    Submitted on 2005-12-13 17:39:48     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      real great work here..pain causes the best poems to be written..advice wise we always hope that the person that causes us the worst pain will never be able to do it again but once that way they will never change and will do it over and over as long as they live
    | Posted on 2005-12-20 00:00:00 | by tinkerbellsas | [ Reply to This ]
      You're pain is very real indeed, but the work lacks originality. It rhymes un-neededly.

    I hate giving negative feedback like this because you where venting, but I believe with your rhythm & will thru pain you can write a more poignent piece that better expresses your unique experience of pain.
    | Posted on 2005-12-13 00:00:00 | by thetwilight | [ Reply to This ]
      this was choppy. very emotional though. you get across the point that you are heartbroken and melancholy and all that, very well.
    "Nothing stays in it and everything is a feel bland,"
    everything is a feel bland?
    do you mean everything is bland? or maybe everything feels bland?
    anyway, keep writing.
    | Posted on 2005-12-13 00:00:00 | by fabulousAMY | [ Reply to This ]
      i like the overall thought of it but i think that you could have incorperated a couple lines into one. other than that it was great, i look forward to hearing more from you.
    -lesh09
    | Posted on 2005-12-13 00:00:00 | by lesh09 | [ Reply to This ]
      wow.
    im assumeing you went through so much pain. well this was a fab write you did the subject much justice. well ok bye

    xoxo
    that girl
    | Posted on 2005-12-13 00:00:00 | by sweet sorenity | [ Reply to This ]


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