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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: I Need You Heredots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: loveispain
    ASL Info:    23/f/ME
    Elite Ratio:    5.37 - 283/198/51
    Words: 157
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 519
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1060



    Description:
       Well, my boyfriend are doing really well...we just have this problem right now..this obstacle...and I just wish he were here. We've been through so much...He just got back from Iraq...and I thought we could do anything. I just need him here for this one. Thanks for reading.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsI Need You Heredots
    -------------------------------------------


    I can walk
    Without you by my side.
    Cry myself to sleep,
    And pretend it doesn't hurt.
    My heart can break,
    And my soul can weep.
    I'd take it all in stride.
    But times like these,
    On days like this,
    My love, I need you here.

    I'll see your face,
    Twice a year.
    Wait for phone calls,
    Letters, and your return.
    I'll hear your voice over the phone,
    Wish you were here,
    But love you the same.
    I live every day,
    Like my world isn't broken,
    But times like these,
    On days like this
    My love, I need you here.

    Battled through highs, lows,
    And all that's in between.
    Oceans have separted us,
    And wars have debilitated us,
    Still we stand together.
    We fight a new war now,
    A different kind of hell,
    And I know only that,
    Times like these,
    On days like this,
    My love, I need you here.






    Submitted on 2005-12-13 17:56:59     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I like this a lot.
    I love how much you put into, it was just so real. So much of you just written here on this paper.

    Though I really dont know what it is like to be so far away from someone you love so much, I am sure that it is hard. To live everyday just wondering what is going on. Not even able to spend time with them, & when you really need them they arnt there.
    You brought that sorrow out, of being alone when you need him the most.

    You wrote this very well. the words really reached beyond just words. Thank you for letting us see into your world.
    Take care & I hope that everything works out
    ~jennifer
    | Posted on 2006-01-19 00:00:00 | by joy7542 | [ Reply to This ]
      This is beautiful...beautifully written and expressed...i can relate to the missing and wanting to be with someone and although you are with them..they cant be there for one reason or another...thankfully my love will be home a whole lot quicker and this makes me feel grateful for that...stay strong...stormy
    | Posted on 2006-01-03 00:00:00 | by stormyskies | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a truly emotional piece. Your choice of words have such longing to them...
    My fav. lines were the first 7. All of this piece is amazing but the first 7 are the ones I conected with. I look forward to reading more of your pieces.
    ~Tonya
    | Posted on 2006-01-03 00:00:00 | by Tonya V. | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a very good poem you have here. I really like the message you convey with your words to your boyfriend. I can only imagine how hard it must be to be seperated from the one you love this way. And especially when he is off fighting this war and not only do you miss him but you must worry constantly about him. I am sure your love keeps him strong. I really enjoyed reading this one. Very moving and well written and expressed. Happy to read in your description that he is home now. You must be so happy. Very nice poem. take care.

    Lorna
    | Posted on 2005-12-28 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
      the sense of longing in this write is very relevant. it shows how much you want and need your "love". this is a great write
    -brandon
    | Posted on 2005-12-27 00:00:00 | by Leon Kennedy | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a good write, no question. I liked the vivid opening paragraph, because I think it's the most emotional of them all, and really portays your longing well. My only concern is that it's a little too depressing, after all, you are in love so it can't be all bad, right?

    I also particularly liked the lines:
    "I'll hear your voice over the phone,
    Wish you were here,
    But love you the same."

    These are very touching and anyone would agree that a love unchanging through anything is worth some respect, and you have mine after that. Good write, and never give up hope.
    -James
    | Posted on 2005-12-22 00:00:00 | by JimweiZERO | [ Reply to This ]
      U really like this
    I believe you were writing about a relationship that is still alive even though one of them is away serving in the service
    This write is very touching
    Great Job

    Ron
    | Posted on 2005-12-13 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      
    I think this is a fair poem, and has plenty of potential

    i enjoyed the lines
    "Oceans have separted us,
    And wars have debilitated us,
    Still we stand together.
    We fight a new war now,"

    that was powerfull :)

    "Wait for phone calls,
    Letters, and your return.
    I'll hear your voice over the phone"

    it's kind of contradicting itself, waiting to talk//taling

    maybe find a new way to say that

    kudosss
    | Posted on 2005-12-13 00:00:00 | by Halston | [ Reply to This ]


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