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    dots Submission Name: Hammers and Rosesdots

    Author: thetwilight
    ASL Info:    23/F/Ca
    Elite Ratio:    3.4 - 81/68/15
    Words: 136
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 855
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1075

       Exploring the feelings of color.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsHammers and Rosesdots

    The cold seeps into
    My bones
    The wind dehydrates
    The marrow
    They are now
    Brittle strength
    If they should break
    I'll beat you to death with
    The splintered shrapnel

    I'm not angry
    I'm just
    Lighting candles
    In the darkness
    For warmth
    For clarity

    A white one
    For mother
    A yellow one
    For father
    For my friends
    Crimson for
    My loves
    And a black one

    Just go to sleep
    Don't worry so for
    The fire keeps me warm
    I can create sky
    I can create friction
    I'm not powerless
    If you close your eyes
    I'll be there
    With hammers and

    A white one for
    A yellow one for
    Purple for my
    Crimson for
    my loves

    And a black one

    Submitted on 2005-12-13 18:24:53     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Wow you have a bold edge to your work ...i find it mesmerizing haha
    flip your unique in how u write i love it
    Take care
    and the ending i loved
    very addictive talent
    which i mean i wana read more of ya stuff
    well done
    God Bless
    | Posted on 2006-05-27 00:00:00 | by lostspirit | [ Reply to This ]
      This was cool...reminded me of a garbage song, which is awesome I love Garbage...awesome band...you should be proud.

    Don't know what else to say really you are a really good writer and so far I have no suggestions other than keep it up!
    | Posted on 2005-12-14 00:00:00 | by lori_tab | [ Reply to This ]
      well done and very outspoken welcome to eliteskills as i see you are a new user thanx for your comment on doves cry
    | Posted on 2005-12-14 00:00:00 | by sandman | [ Reply to This ]
      WOW, you left me speechless.
    That's a good thing.
    The write was deep and to the point, even though you lost me once, I soon recovered. lol.

    keep up the good writes.

    | Posted on 2005-12-13 00:00:00 | by illusions35904 | [ Reply to This ]
      Sounds very punkish to me, it has that kind of attitude in my opinion. This piece is okay, but the attitude makes up for it.
    | Posted on 2005-12-13 00:00:00 | by Martin S. Allen | [ Reply to This ]
      Again, I felt this was very good. I liked the way you set it out and brought back into play the main body of the piece twice. This made it effective and even beter.
    | Posted on 2005-12-13 00:00:00 | by Frank Maguire | [ Reply to This ]
      Well written...
    The part on the candles..i like the most...and
    the opening Stanza...
    the different colors on the different feelings you have...was nice...
    sounds in like alittle wiccan religion on the candles part, and with the focus...Is it?
    i'm not sure..i'm just guessing at it
    nice write though
    | Posted on 2005-12-13 00:00:00 | by rAbit | [ Reply to This ]

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