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    dots Submission Name: a dead rosedots

    Author: my pain
    ASL Info:    16/F/aust
    Elite Ratio:    5.55 - 191/123/39
    Words: 52
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 778
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 297

       this was just a random venting.... could you tell me what you think....thanx

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsa dead rosedots

    the picture of a dead rose,

    so perfect,

    to how i feel,

    the colour of a dark red petal empty of all life,

    mirroring my will to live,

    the weeping leaves swollowing their pain,

    a image of me so far away...

    Submitted on 2005-12-13 21:30:41     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      very good, perhaps my favourite poem on the site
    you are the only user on ES whose poems are literally flawless...
    my favourite line
    "the weeping leaves swollowing their pain, "
    dont change a word
    thanks and keep it up

    ps. pls take a look at some of my poems... i like it when experts comment on my poetry, so that i can improve it... will be much appreciated
    | Posted on 2006-01-10 00:00:00 | by abuzzbuzz92 | [ Reply to This ]
      i like the way you stopped but left that feeling of holding back, i liked the wording you used, very short but still leaves a wodnerful feeling
    | Posted on 2005-12-15 00:00:00 | by in_a_trap | [ Reply to This ]
      Please do not change a word to this write
    This write is so eerily beautiful I cant describe it
    You totally captured that feeling of longing for love with this write
    Exceptionally done
    Your Friend

    Please if you get a chance take a look at some of my poetry and let me know what you think
    Thank You
    | Posted on 2005-12-14 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      This has an unfinished feel to it, like you want to say more but stopped. It's a good start but I think you might want to continue it. There's a lot to explore with that metaphor.


    | Posted on 2005-12-14 00:00:00 | by joeyalphabet | [ Reply to This ]
      i agree with the previous comentor about the structure of the poem but all in all this was very good even though i found it a little to short because it dosn't realy give me a full sence on the overall mood of the poem. but i do like the metaphor of the piece very clever and intresting how you've shown feelings in the dead rose, i like it. thx for the read.

    | Posted on 2005-12-14 00:00:00 | by disturbedx1000 | [ Reply to This ]
      well this is pretty.. i mean i find a dead rose used as a metaphor to describe a sorrowful mood to be beautiful. but i think for as short the poem is you need to pay more attetion to the structure you give the poem. for example...

    the picture of a dead rose
    so perfect, to how i feel

    the colour of a dark red petal
    mirroring my will to live
    the weeping leaves swolling their pain
    an image of me to give

    blah blah blah just a thought. young poets need insight to grow but should not change thier creative styles to suit it. so take my thoughts or leave em is all i am saying. but other wise a very pretty metaphor. take care.
    | Posted on 2005-12-13 00:00:00 | by snacky fish | [ Reply to This ]

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