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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: After a Falldots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Zu
    Elite Ratio:    5.12 - 446/379/76
    Words: 246
    Class/Type: Lyrics/Misc
    Total Views: 705
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1524



    Description:
       you know there are people that just love the pain that others inflict on them and they dont notice that others love them more than anytihng. they instead hurt them even more. just to boost their ego. this is for them.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsAfter a Falldots
    -------------------------------------------


    Love. Fall.

    You bother my nerves
    You get on my mind
    Cannot avoid you
    Youíre there all the time
    Youíll be my doormat
    And youíll do as I say
    But you donít get it
    I just want you away.

    Itís perhaps my true love
    But Iím so blind, my eyes so hurt
    (That I canít see it)Ö
    Itís perhaps more than love
    But my mind wonít let me assert
    (And I canít see it)Ö

    I need you for my ego
    To break down the wall
    For my pride needs it
    After a fallÖ

    Iíve been rejected
    But not still by you
    You will not do it
    Youíll take more than whatís due
    Iíll come back to you
    After every jolt
    Iíll redeem myself
    By finding your faults.

    Itís perhaps my true love
    But Iím so blind, my eyes so hurt
    (That I canít see it)Ö
    Itís perhaps more than love
    But my mind wonít let me assert
    (And I canít see it)Ö

    I need you for my ego
    To break down the wall
    For my pride needs it
    After a fallÖ

    I canít stop myself
    Donít wanna do it
    But I get pleasure
    From just ripping you apartÖ
    I donít quite mean it
    I do really care
    I feel very sorry
    When I trample on youÖ

    CauseÖ

    I need you for my ego
    To break down the wall
    For my pride needs it
    After a fallÖ




    Submitted on 2005-12-13 22:29:46     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I keep wondering myself how can you just take any difficult emotional topic and simply make it fly. Very careful observations, smart statements and full authenticism.

    It might be a bit too direct at times, but it works. I simply got a big kick from this one. I love when writings do such thing to me.
    | Posted on 2006-09-20 00:00:00 | by Nightraven | [ Reply to This ]
      ah sorry it took me so long to comment on this one. a lovely little peice you have here. reminds me of this song by boxcar racer. anyways l-o-v-e-d the first couple lines. a play on words makes everything so much more interesting and unique. its one of my favorite things to do. "you get on my mind" sounds so neat, for lack of a better word. and your line about the doormat made me really think of a person being a doormat to someone else. they just sit back through seasons and rain and the color tends to fade away. and often they become filled with dirt and covered in leaves, to where they cant even see that this person is wiping their feet on them. i think i might have to steal that visual. and that really has nothing to do with this poem so, let me get back on track. when you think about this, its like the person is trying to make themselves sound better.... saying they're sorry, when clearly they get pleasure from hurting this person. i like it, the thought of some guy just using someone else for his ego is seen a lot, unfortunently. i hope this isnt from your point of view.
    anyways, this is a good write
    -steph
    | Posted on 2006-01-10 00:00:00 | by playcrackthesky | [ Reply to This ]
      This was quite amusing because it was very honest coming from the "villain's" point of view. I found it refreshing and justifying. By the way, who are those metal dudes in the pic? I'm from California and was just wondering. I love metal and rock. I listen to everything and esp. love the Beatles. Have you ever heard of Elliott Smith? He's my hero even though he died in 2003. Maybe this guy isn't a villain because he seems to have a conscious, a villain never feels bad for being bad. Are you going soft on us or something? (:>) xo lilham
    | Posted on 2005-12-26 00:00:00 | by pioneerheart | [ Reply to This ]
      Generally sound here Zu dude. When did you post this? Just wondering because of the no comments thing.

    The only thing that felt out of place was the "jolt/fault" rhyme in the 4th stanza down because of the short sounds and just that "jolt" is a bad word to rhyme with, lol, sorry. I do like the chorus though, AND I think it can be improved, hows:

    "For my pride always needs it,
    Whenever I fall,
    I need you for my ego,
    To break down the wall"

    I don't know, seems slightly better to me. But apart from that I can't really see much room for improvements. As said, a sound write, and I'm gonna post my write now, I'm bored, lol.

    Peace,
    James
    | Posted on 2005-12-22 00:00:00 | by JimweiZERO | [ Reply to This ]


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