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    dots Submission Name: He lieddots

    Author: painofthanatos
    Elite Ratio:    4.32 - 684/571/86
    Words: 110
    Class/Type: Poetry/What you did
    Total Views: 870
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 522


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsHe lieddots

    Every morning I wake with a huge smile stretching my face
    And a heart that's ready to burst -
    It's so filled with your love

    But this hollow organ does nothing for my mood today
    And even though there's a silver lining in the smoke that clouds my mind
    I'm really not sure what to tell you this time
    I just can't forget how you assured me everything was fine

    But you were lying

    Submitted on 2005-12-14 07:29:43     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      ugh, people are idiots. if they want detail they should read novels, not poetry. the images in your poem provide not only detail but also emotional understanding, and that's the most important thing in poetry. i think it's great the way it is, and what i think matters most cause i life in texas :p

    seriously, i do like it. and if he lies to you again i'll mount his head on my wall ;)
    | Posted on 2005-12-20 00:00:00 | by treybur | [ Reply to This ]
      Well I agree that it needs more detail. But then I read your journal and it sounds like this guy lied about something so stupid that it could make your head hurt. And this "[censored]" as you call her in your journal made you ask him something that scared him. Well anywayz I hope that everything works out I think I'll read some more of your writes. I liked this one.
    | Posted on 2005-12-14 00:00:00 | by Raye | [ Reply to This ]
      This is an interesting write
    Yes this could have been a little longer with a little more detail
    But that is totally up to you
    You expressed yourself well and got your point across very well
    Nice Job
    | Posted on 2005-12-14 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      the last of this poem was good, but i agree that it could use more detail and be a bit longer. other than that i thought you did fine.
    | Posted on 2005-12-14 00:00:00 | by misty_of_moon | [ Reply to This ]
      i find this piece to be kind of short but very good in getting the point across. but i just feel as if there is something missing, some important piece that disn't realy fill me into all the detail of this poem. but thx for the read.

    | Posted on 2005-12-14 00:00:00 | by disturbedx1000 | [ Reply to This ]

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