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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Death Stardots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Autum-Moon
    ASL Info:    15/Female/drowing
    Elite Ratio:    3.22 - 284/165/29
    Words: 127
    Class/Type: Poetry/Death
    Total Views: 932
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 880



    Description:
       This poem isn't all the great, I am looking for feedback on how to improve it. Thanks.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDeath Stardots
    -------------------------------------------


    Listen to the shadows,
    Hear them scream.
    Pray your life,
    Was just a dream.

    Your emotions tangled,
    In a mess,
    Your hearts cracked,
    But it hurts no less.

    No less then your soul,
    Crying out to the stars,
    With your wrists bleeding,
    From broken scars.

    Your stuck inside yourself,
    Facing your darkest fears,
    You know your dying,
    You taste it in your tears.

    You hope your forgiven,
    For your lifes a lie.
    You cross your heart,
    And hope to die.

    You hold you hands,
    And look up high.
    You pray to the stars,
    In the sky.


    The death star answers,
    To your prayers.
    The one star the matters,
    The one star that cares.







    Submitted on 2005-12-14 11:40:15     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      From the old people: getting a life & a self is hard work but we're all naturally built for it. And increasing time increases the surprising rewards. (Can you write anything yet which would tend to the cure of mental/emotional illness or the protection of other kids?)
    | Posted on 2006-11-29 00:00:00 | by Glen Bowman | [ Reply to This ]
      the poem was great, the flow was good but there was a couple of errors

    Your stuck inside yourself,
    Facing your darkest fears

    some reason this lines just diddent fit with the rest of the poem,,

    other than that .. the poem was great, kinda basic, but i loved it
    | Posted on 2006-02-18 00:00:00 | by UnHoLyPoPe | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey,

    Great poem (Good didn't seem like the right word). The only problem I have is
    "But it hurts no less.

    No less then your soul,"
    I find it kinda confusing, and it changes the flow. *Srry*.

    *Let it Flow*
    Raven
    | Posted on 2005-12-14 00:00:00 | by Silent_Tears | [ Reply to This ]
      I love this poem. Its one of those ones where you just sit down and pour all your soul out onto the paper. There are some gramatical errors but thats about it.
    | Posted on 2005-12-14 00:00:00 | by asianprincess06 | [ Reply to This ]
      I really liked this. especially the part,

    "You cross your heart,
    And hope to die. "

    Overall this was a great poem.

    ~Samm
    | Posted on 2006-03-03 00:00:00 | by LoveToHateMe | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

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    9. How could it be improved?
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