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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: This Decemberdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: thetwilight
    ASL Info:    23/F/Ca
    Elite Ratio:    3.4 - 81/68/15
    Words: 175
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 841
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1473



    Description:
       One more for December then I will lay it to rest.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThis Decemberdots
    -------------------------------------------


    This December
    The trees all died
    As did I

    This December,
    Painted
    A crayon of lies

    I was asleep.
    Lost in a dream
    I was asleep.
    And
    Down the rabbit hole
    With He-man
    And abandoned drawings
    Resurrected from childhood
    They're in your hearts too:
    The scribbled green hill
    The little house
    The m's that were birds
    And always
    Always
    The Sky
    Colored the deepest blue...

    My stick figures danced,
    But never touched
    Under trees so large
    They dwarfed mountains.

    Discarded.

    This December.

    Discarded.

    No more.
    Empathy.
    No more.
    Sacrificing
    To dogs.
    No more.
    False imprisoning thoughts
    Of perfect.

    This is perfect.

    This December...
    Catching raindrops
    With my eyelashes
    While watching the moon
    Alone.

    Winter freezes the flesh off your bones
    To remind you you're still whole
    Without it.

    This December
    I found strength.
    I've learned
    Sometimes
    You must die
    To learn
    You’re alive.

    And I'll be born again when
    The flowers bleed forth
    Once more in worship
    Of their precious spring.




    Submitted on 2005-12-14 12:27:13     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    2: I dunno...
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    ||| Comments |||
      this is beautiful,
    it takes you so deep into that pain
    and then releases you. .. this is very poignant.
    it's cold as the deepest chill in winter,
    yet you await the spring which always comes.

    it's refreshing to
    see a new writer here with such a unique
    voice.

    peace,
    ~Cat
    | Posted on 2005-12-14 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]
      this is excellent. reminds me of my art poems and of a few other poems by some famous, or not so famous people. well-crafted, not too personal--just enough and a balance of hope and sadness, which is what we all are. best I've read in awhile.
    | Posted on 2005-12-14 00:00:00 | by sierramuse8 | [ Reply to This ]
      so nice to read something so good, very well done. I've been browsing your stuff for the last little bit and must say, impressive. You have a real talent and a style all your own. Unique spells refreshing in my dictionary and you are definitely both in the way you use words. lots of emotion in a quiet and calm voice...keep posting and I will surely keep reading

    Milo
    | Posted on 2005-12-14 00:00:00 | by Milo shanley | [ Reply to This ]
      This is really beautiful
    Ireally like the way you formatted this and brought out true emotion
    Reading this write drew me back to my childhood
    Beautifully written
    Take Care
    Ron

    And Welcome To Elite Skills
    I hope this sight brings you all thr Joy it has brought me
    If you get a chance please take a look at some of my writes and let me know what you think
    Thank You
    Ron
    | Posted on 2005-12-14 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      This was really good...and I really mean it. I think this was written from your heart and it represents heartbreak.

    It shows what a sensitive soul that you have and you ca nreally get a taste of who you are in this which is awesome...I love getting bits of personality in poems...


    I liked the part about catching drops on your eyelashes...this is really pretty writing.

    Happy Holidays.
    | Posted on 2005-12-14 00:00:00 | by lori_tab | [ Reply to This ]
      This is seriously good stuff you've got here. I really like the tone of this, melancholy but still tinged with hope. Only thing I might change (it's up to you - just me 2 cents) would maybe be to drop the second 'I was asleep' on the 2nd stanza. But that's up to you. Nice work.

    Peace,

    Joe
    | Posted on 2005-12-14 00:00:00 | by joeyalphabet | [ Reply to This ]
      This poem has a way of capturing deep emotions as I read it. The sadness and nostalgia at the start that slowly emerges into the realization that the "here and now" is perfect enough. "No more imprisoning thoughts." I like the way it portrays winter and spring as human emotions.
    I agree with joey, that omitting the 2nd or 3rd "I was a sleep" would make it read better...but keep at least two, for the surreal effect.

    Nice work!
    ~Sandra
    | Posted on 2005-12-14 00:00:00 | by Intricate1 | [ Reply to This ]


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