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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: If I Had A Voicedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: thetwilight
    ASL Info:    23/F/Ca
    Elite Ratio:    3.4 - 81/68/15
    Words: 216
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 953
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1354



    Description:
       "So you say you wanna revolution... well..."

    I stopped writing at 15, because I had a strange bout of writers block that lasted until 2004. That was like a 7 years writers block. I guess I am messed up. This is the very first poem I believe I got out of myself after all that time. What do you guys think?


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsIf I Had A Voicedots
    -------------------------------------------


    If i had a voice I would scream
    I would let the sound echo off the mountains
    And swim beneath the sea...
    A scream, blacked out, and silenced...
    For far too long.

    If I had a voice I would sing,
    Haunting notes, with church like acoustics
    Floating on the wind to be carried far and near...
    A catching melody bellied on your breath,
    So that you might choose to sing along.

    If I had a voice I would laugh,
    Childlike laughter to carry us through,
    Pained and Amused.
    The laughter turned to song.

    If I had a voice I would whisper,
    Hot air forming on wind,
    The element of secret truths,
    Writhing at the bend.

    If I had a voice I would cry,
    Choked off sobs of the quieted,
    Salty tears with refractions of blood
    My tears would have no end.

    If I had a voice I would speak...
    The words would cut like glass
    Gouging holes in your conscienceness
    Until you where open enough to listen
    Until you could not condescend.

    If I had a voice I would join it up with yours,
    With those of similar octaves,
    Our sound would drown out the deafening silence,
    Until they could ignore us no more.

    If I had a voice.




    Submitted on 2005-12-14 18:21:49     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
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    ||| Comments |||
      Well, I'm glad the bout is over; I had one that lasted more than a year once, and it was terrible. This is good. I like the idea and the energy, but I think you overuse ellipses. They just make things sound tentitive, and weaken writing when overused, but that's merely my opinion. You might want to put commas after "If I had a voice" if you want to be hypercorrect. It might be cool to have it start with whisper and grow in intensity. You also have a tiny typo in line one (the lowercase I). So many of us have voices and never use them, and that's really sad. We should all start rasing hell at once, and maybe things would change in the world. Anyway, nicely done, Amy
    | Posted on 2005-12-15 00:00:00 | by cuddledumplin | [ Reply to This ]
      after a seven year dry spell, I say not to shabby. especially liked the "if I had a voice I would sing..." part, if ever the feelings of hopelessness and hopefullness could hold hands, take a walk and have some conversation, I think it would sound something like what you have here. Personally, I would join with this voice any time, if we could only figure out how to bring down "the man" with words alone, many have tried, some have come close, most just end up crying in their cheerios...good write, liked it

    Milo
    | Posted on 2005-12-15 00:00:00 | by Milo shanley | [ Reply to This ]
      Hm i really liked it. I may be wrong about the meaning though. It makes me think of all the things that we never say. And i know if i could spout out all of my thought they would drown the world with noise. Very deep, and i love the theme to it.
    ~peace~
    | Posted on 2005-12-14 00:00:00 | by cannibal | [ Reply to This ]


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