Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Last Rain Showerdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: cuddledumplin
    ASL Info:    36/ f/UK
    Elite Ratio:    4.08 - 6269/5927/526
    Words: 76
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 852
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 547



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Last Rain Showerdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Rain begets rain:
    bullets meet flesh
    as blood sullies land.
    The victim's mother weeps
    in December sleet
    as she recalls earlier words
    their exclamation points
    cutting her son to shreds.
    Now they lacerate her heart;
    she wondered what would happen
    if everyone in the world
    opened their eye taps at once.
    Would we wash the blood away?
    Would we drown or learn to swim?
    Because only the willfully blind
    think the flood ended with Noah.




    Submitted on 2005-12-14 21:10:34     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Some say war is is hell! I agrea with these people! A loss of someone close can break your heart. Your poem makes me think there is hope in this world after all. Thanks!!!
    Kelley Frost
    | Posted on 2006-03-26 00:00:00 | by whendt | [ Reply to This ]
      this is truly poignant. my image is not so much of war but of gangs and mindless killing of our youth. i like the colors this poem ignites - even shoots - in front of my eyes, bursts of bright red, and then i am relieved with the watercolor of tears always the maternal archetype heals with hers... miriam
    | Posted on 2006-01-16 00:00:00 | by mgnola | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow, this is poignant, no other word for it fits. many of your writes do fit this idea. The use of punctuation to emulate bullets and rain for blood, that's really interesting.

    It makes me want to know the understory of the mother and son, hmmm don't the exclaimations look like nails in hands?
    Or is your that just where my mind is going? Did the fall set up a struggle that was never really valid?

    And the controversy, and human strife, it's never stopped.
    Beautiful job Amy I think I could look at this one again.

    I wish you a season of love,

    Nan
    | Posted on 2005-12-21 00:00:00 | by nansofast | [ Reply to This ]
      this is brilliant Amy. your images are so sharp
    and cutting,. i am kind of speechless on this
    one. i've come back and read it quite a few times,
    and it leaves its mark.. it's powerful, and your
    last lines pack the punch.

    i'm surprised you haven't gotten many comments
    on this.. it's a stunner.

    much love,
    ~Cat
    | Posted on 2005-12-20 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]
      Amy,

    Wow... this is intense.

    I am very moved by it. Nicely done.

    I wonder about the
    cutting her son down to size
    line.

    It stands out from the rest as a bit cliché.


    Nicely done.

    Chrystine
    | Posted on 2005-12-19 00:00:00 | by beatthedrum | [ Reply to This ]
      Bloody hell.
    Wow.
    Speechless. I love it. I especially loved the line
    "because only the willfully blind
    think the flood ended with Noah"
    Which is incredibly well written. I struggle to find anything wrong.
    Well done.
    | Posted on 2005-12-17 00:00:00 | by TristesseDurera | [ Reply to This ]
      Words can't describe what this made me feel inside.
    I like the idea of talking about a victim's mother in the December sleet. I can't imagine what Jade's parents and Chris's parents are going through during this holiday season.
    Or J.B.'s family.
    This just really made me think about life and all that has happened. I don't really know much else to say about it. It was unique and great all in one.
    Favorite.

    <3
    Bethany
    | Posted on 2005-12-15 00:00:00 | by borderlinetears | [ Reply to This ]
      This seems to be an anti-war piece.. one many of us can relate to at this point in time I'm sure. There isn't much more to say but this was a wonderful write and this was a very unique way of expressing your feelings:

    because only the willfully blind
    think the flood ended with Noah
    | Posted on 2005-12-15 00:00:00 | by thetwilight | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    84517

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Johnny's Cock written by endlessgame23
    None the Wiser written by endlessgame23
    The Curtain Call written by faideddarkness
    going,,,"Skin." written by teika5
    Deep written by Janesaddiction
    The Human Harmonic written by Daniel Barlow
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    a leaf of shadow and edge written by Daniel Barlow
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    A Sense Of Things written by Daniel Barlow
    untitled written by Outlaw
    Starseed written by endlessgame23
    Dream written by closetpoet
    A Thousand Reflections written by endlessgame23
    Mystery Read written by kyserin
    Untitled written by Daniel Barlow
    Sword in the Water written by Wolfwatching
    Beauty Rest written by jackz
    Whispered written by endlessgame23
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    Rooted in Nature written by Chelebel
    In a Corner written by jeniecel
    Snippet written by Daniel Barlow
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    Adoration written by TheStillSilence
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    The World written by jjd
    Keep written by TheStillSilence
    A bit of Pain written by teika5

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry