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Aftershocks


Author: mimi
ASL Info:    30/f/ny
Elite Ratio:    3.66 - 597 /390 /111
Words: 93
Class/Type: Poetry /Love
Total Views: 540
Average Vote:    4.0000
Bytes: 612



Description:


PART TWO OF TO BE CONTINUED


Aftershocks



After the song has ended,
my feet have danced the final glide,
the final slide. Waiting for the pleasures to
subside, so I can hide the feelings
and drown in the tremors that lingers.
I float back and discover your fingers
upon my naked back,
dancing, keeping track
of the melody
that echoes deep inside my bones
throughout the parts of me that won't
standing still.
Embraced within the circle of your arms,
Dancing inside my mind.
and find that I clench
and drench you with
my love.




Submitted on 2005-12-14 22:14:44     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments


  this one leaves you wondering. i do like it. i think that it is a bit confusing but good. i plan on reading more of your stuff. keep it up
erin
| Posted on 2006-03-21 00:00:00 | by devonsmom03 | [ Reply to This ]
  Very nice indeed.
"find that I clench
and drench you with
my love." This part leaves me with a very clear picture in my head. If loving passionately is what you wanted portrayed here, than I think you did it very well.

Just a couple of suggestions:

change "lingers" to "linger" and "standing" to "stand" maybe? Those two words don't seem to go with the flow as well. :)

I like how I can create my own flow with this as I read it though. I like it a lot. :) lol..
| Posted on 2006-06-14 00:00:00 | by .:eVe:. | [ Reply to This ]
  wow.. very sensual.. yet leaves the mind to
wonder huumm loved it.. was teasing also
which is tantalizing lol.. great write

peace
Penny
| Posted on 2006-02-20 00:00:00 | by pennymarie | [ Reply to This ]
  the continouse dance, when will this end?
never! lol

I float back and discover your fingers
upon my naked back,
was my favorite part. i wish to have fingers of a female on my naked body lol
peace
| Posted on 2005-12-15 00:00:00 | by dudethis | [ Reply to This ]
  Wonderful Indeed, I think I am going to add it to my favs if you club the previous one and this one together and make it one poem. It has a smooth flow. Good job at this :)
| Posted on 2005-12-15 00:00:00 | by vedanta19 | [ Reply to This ]


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