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    dots Submission Name: a man and a sondots

    Author: jbb360
    ASL Info:    22.m.wa
    Elite Ratio:    3.63 - 25/36/12
    Words: 539
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 704
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 3452

       based of the parable of the prodigal son

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsa man and a sondots

    my son was lost
    and i could not find him
    i searched and searched
    but he ran off blindly
    ive prayed every night
    for his safe return
    but as time passes on
    it hurts worse and worse
    i raised him right
    with the word of the lord
    but he loved this life
    and fell for the world
    i taught him patiently
    of the lords saving grace
    but he lusted for the world
    to fill that place
    i have not seen him
    in many moons
    my hearts broken for him
    i pray for his return soon
    who knows where hes wondered
    or what hes found
    i want my son home lord
    safe and sound
    this worlds temptations
    have pulled him in
    save him lord
    make him free from sin
    then one winter day
    when the wind was biting
    a lonely figure comes
    down the road winding
    when i reached the door
    his face was not the same
    laced with scars
    from years of pain
    his skin was yellow
    from to much drinking
    his hair was grey
    from to much thinking
    he said "father i was lost
    but i have returned"
    i thanked the lord
    and my eyes burned
    the tears came rolling
    down my reddened cheeks
    and i begged for breath
    i could hardly breathe
    my long lost son
    was finally home
    he said he hated this world
    how it left him alone
    he wanted the father
    but he didnt know how
    he wanted true life
    and he wanted it now
    he was tired of wandering
    lost and depressed
    of hearing his heart crying
    deep in his breast
    he was tired of pain
    burrowed deep in his soul
    he was tired of using
    the world to fill in the hole
    he wanted to know peace
    and be able to rest
    he wanted some hope
    when there was none left
    hed wandered the world
    and found it all the same
    fighting and striving
    with nothing to gain
    he said "father my heart
    has truely been broken
    not just from me
    but the words ive heard spoken,
    it has been broken
    for every boy on this earth
    whos lusting for fun
    excitment and worth,
    for every girl
    will selfish desire
    who meets terrible boys
    to toss them in the fire
    for every elder
    thats never known true life
    while they lie awake in bed
    deep into the night
    my heart has been broken
    for all of us sinners
    i know we need god father
    this life is all winter"
    i kissed my boy on the head
    told him its time to sleep
    and i went to my room
    to silently weep
    i cried tears of praise
    to my father above
    for hearing my prayers
    and ansnwering with love
    for protecting my son
    for i thought he was dead
    your my food and my water
    my daily bread

    so let me be more in love
    like this father thats crying
    i long to see your face
    youve saved me from dying
    your patience and truth
    are a light for my feet
    your strengths what i need
    when ever im weak
    so hold me close father
    kiss me on the head
    tell me you love me
    then send me to bed

    Submitted on 2005-12-14 23:21:26     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Wow...this wasn't bad at all. The only thing that I could offer you, is to break this up because it is so long. I'm not a stickler for puntuation and structure for the most part, but I do believe this one really needs it.

    You have a knack for tapping into emotions. I told you that before and I have a feeling I'm going to keep telling you that. You don't just speak of who it is you're talking about-you become each one of these people and tell their stories from their point of view, as if you yourself are living and breathing it. A lot of people try to do just that, but it sounds like a story, not a chapter out of their own personal life. As I said, that isn't all people, but I feel a good lot of them.

    You've drawn me into each one of your poems and made me feel deep emotion for each one of your characters. That is so very important when you're telling a story. Again, I do feel that this could be better with a few words that would be considered unnecessary, deleted. But, that's just my opinion for right now.

    I think you did a great job! I'd just try to spell check your stuff. Keep up the good work!

    | Posted on 2005-12-15 00:00:00 | by dreamweaver | [ Reply to This ]

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