Description: yes i know it is short...and most likely 'I should add more' but it would take away from the poem if i did. It means a lot to me actually so I don't think i will change it. It is about a dream i have were i am being raped..the pastel drawing adds to it i think. But yeah please don't completly bash my drawing, i know i suck.
voice, & art -------------------------------------------
Donít wake up from your night mare
Let it burn in your mind forever
Let its fingers burn your voice
Bleed a little for its pleasure.
I would not change a thing to this write It screams emotion and You are letting out the negative energy that is trying to control you Be Strong and Positive You can Defeat this Negativity God Bless Your Friend Ron
And by the way you are also a very talented artist
"bleed a little for its pleasure" I can tell if it is you feeling the pleasure or the rapist. Probably the rapist. Be raped is a horrible, serious thing. It must have been awful to have a dream about it. Sometimes when you have a dream you can feel and interact with things in the dream. I sure hope you didn't feel anything when you dreamt, because that woud have been much worse.
Anyways, it was a little short but it was good nonetheless. All you really need to work on is the length. I'm not bashing the poem at all. It is good.
"Let its fingers burn your voice" This one just jumped out at me. I believe this to be that the person raping you is choking you or keeping you from screaming or saying anything.
"Let it burn in your mind forever" This must be one of those dreams that you never forget. Bad dreams usually don't leave your mind.
I think you should keep on pluggin away and continue to make some good poems. If I may make a suggestion, and I hope you are not offended, but I find the best poems are of love, hope, and peace. I wouldn't mind reading one of those poems if you wrote one. Just something I thought I might suggest, I am not trying to tell you what to write. Each to his/her own.
wooo this dream must be terrible! great connection with the poem and the artwork gives agood yet disturbing visual image of how horrific the dream is (good drawing). with the line 'let it's fingers burn your voice' makes me think of what it's like in a dream when you can't speak and also gives a reality thought of the dream when i'm sure it is impossible for thw victim to speak/scream etc. I actually don't tink it needs anything adding,leaves the reader to their imagination. !great but scary stuff !