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voice, & art

Author: cannibal
ASL Info:    18/f/MO usa
Elite Ratio:    3.88 - 47 /47 /15
Words: 28
Class/Type: Poetry /Serious
Total Views: 978
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 157


yes i know it is short...and most likely 'I should add more' but it would take away from the poem if i did. It means a lot to me actually so I don't think i will change it. It is about a dream i have were i am being raped..the pastel drawing adds to it i think. But yeah please don't completly bash my drawing, i know i suck.

voice, & art

Don’t wake up from your night mare
Let it burn in your mind forever
Let its fingers burn your voice
Bleed a little for its pleasure.

Submitted on 2005-12-15 02:15:52     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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  I would not change a thing to this write
It screams emotion and You are letting out the negative energy that is trying to control you
Be Strong and Positive
You can Defeat this Negativity
God Bless
Your Friend

And by the way you are also a very talented artist
| Posted on 2005-12-15 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
  I like this. A little more to it would be nice, but it's short simple and gets the point across. You might want to check your capitolizations and punctuation.

Other then that good write!
| Posted on 2005-12-15 00:00:00 | by thetwilight | [ Reply to This ]
  "bleed a little for its pleasure"
I can tell if it is you feeling the pleasure or the rapist. Probably the rapist. Be raped is a horrible, serious thing. It must have been awful to have a dream about it. Sometimes when you have a dream you can feel and interact with things in the dream. I sure hope you didn't feel anything when you dreamt, because that woud have been much worse.

Anyways, it was a little short but it was good nonetheless. All you really need to work on is the length. I'm not bashing the poem at all. It is good.

"Let its fingers burn your voice"
This one just jumped out at me. I believe this to be that the person raping you is choking you or keeping you from screaming or saying anything.

"Let it burn in your mind forever"
This must be one of those dreams that you never forget. Bad dreams usually don't leave your mind.

I think you should keep on pluggin away and continue to make some good poems. If I may make a suggestion, and I hope you are not offended, but I find the best poems are of love, hope, and peace. I wouldn't mind reading one of those poems if you wrote one. Just something I thought I might suggest, I am not trying to tell you what to write. Each to his/her own.
| Posted on 2005-12-15 00:00:00 | by manwithnoname | [ Reply to This ]
  Its a powerful stanza. I like to way you portray rape, as somthing terrible and pleasurable. The drawing did'nt come up for either.
| Posted on 2005-12-15 00:00:00 | by Sethesin | [ Reply to This ]
  Sorry, the drawing didn't come up even after I hit refresh. Anyway, the poem stands very well on its own at 4 lines. A stark and punch to the gut feel. One little thing - 'nightmare' is one word.


| Posted on 2005-12-15 00:00:00 | by joeyalphabet | [ Reply to This ]
  wooo this dream must be terrible! great connection with the poem and the artwork gives agood yet disturbing visual image of how horrific the dream is (good drawing). with the line 'let it's fingers burn your voice' makes me think of what it's like in a dream when you can't speak and also gives a reality thought of the dream when i'm sure it is impossible for thw victim to speak/scream etc.
I actually don't tink it needs anything adding,leaves the reader to their imagination.
!great but scary stuff !
| Posted on 2005-12-15 00:00:00 | by callycat | [ Reply to This ]

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