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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Tookiedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: jbb360
    ASL Info:    22.m.wa
    Elite Ratio:    3.63 - 25/36/12
    Words: 146
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 683
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 939



    Description:
       based on the accounts of the execution of Stanley 'Tookie' Williams


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsTookiedots
    -------------------------------------------


    as hes led to the chair
    his head is held high
    an air of difiance surronded him
    as he was led to his chair
    the last time his legs would fold
    and gently lower his body
    to sit
    so many years hed lived
    scared with memorys
    of past sins
    and lost chances
    he did not smile
    but stared coldly at those gathered
    to watch his final moments
    no family no friends
    just witness to this crime
    this murder
    of a man no matter how guilty
    how innocent
    this murder of a man
    the needle did not slide smoothly into his skin
    but was wresteled into him
    slowly and aganozingly over 15 minutes
    till it was in and slowly
    the toxic fluid filled his viens
    he died proud
    sad
    and incomplete
    not the man he used to be
    but slowly becoming
    the man he could have been




    Submitted on 2005-12-15 08:51:47     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

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    ||| Comments |||
      dont think you should ave repeated the 'he was led to the chair at the start- sounds like you just got too lazy to think up another line. if you repeated it three times it would maybe sound more intentional. seriously, check the punctuation and spelling- hes should probably be he's and difiance maybe defiance- yeah?
    loved the last lineshe died proud
    sad
    and incomplete
    not the man he used to be
    but slowly becoming
    the man he could have been
    so so much, they just made my heart bleed out cause they're dripping with raw feeling. love the poem overall- a great and thoughtful tribute.
    sarah x
    | Posted on 2005-12-24 00:00:00 | by _ybutterfly | [ Reply to This ]
      I'm not very familiar with Stanley Williams, but your poem explains his story quite well. I especcially like the ending:
    "not the man he used to be
    but slowly becoming
    the man he could have been"

    Beautiful wording, I must say.

    DeepDreamer2008
    | Posted on 2005-12-22 00:00:00 | by DeepDreamer2008 | [ Reply to This ]
      I didn't really have any knowledge of those events however this peace offers and a wider tire to steam-roll-over the idea of the death penalty. If we kill every killer than eventually noone will be left because we become killers by killing killers. At first I though the whole led to the chair line was going to be repeated as it may be in SLAM, but i don't think it distracts. There are a few grammatical issues to correct the tense is wrong on the first hes led to the chair. Should witness be witness'? I'm no ggod at grammer I could be wrong. All in all I think it's a pretty solid write. peace
    | Posted on 2005-12-20 00:00:00 | by shaman | [ Reply to This ]
      this is the second “Tookie” write I have seen. And this time I took a peek at the sentiment from the previous posts. I see what appears to be how some media fed people react. I do wonder if they have the whole story. society has become a propaganda machine, we were led into war based on lies. there is a stunningly large amount of misinformation/distorted facts while those who like nothing more than blood to be repaid feed on that. it is a testament of our times. most live on soundbites and base their hatred off of that. if anything this has taught me, it is that the system is designed for one purpose only: to carry out revenge. And on very few levels it is designed for rehabilitation. these people who sit on high horses and condemn others has me feeling nothing but sadness for what society has become. a nebulous media induced paradigm. we are taught to blame one, the assassinations of both Kennedy’s and Martin Luther King, one sacrifice is chosen. Waco seemed to have never taught these people anything of the corruption of the state. Truth has no place in this system anymore. any fool with two eyes and ears should “see” that. but no they would rather have a “diet” of a few minutes and never have to put the work in themselves to investigate. So the outcome will be more murders in the name of God, justice, and freedom. And you bet your little asses we all pay for that. that is all I will say. sorry for the rant, nice write,

    ~mike
    | Posted on 2005-12-19 00:00:00 | by inspirit999 | [ Reply to This ]
      Dis respect no thats not the case. I give you your opinins and they can be against his demise.
    I'll give you that he did write many books with good intent from prision.
    Yes, he might have touched many lives from his cell.
    But, was he guilty of killing those people?
    Did he take away life that was not his to erase?
    Did he not know the penalty for his actions?
    Was he above the law, are the laws mute?
    If so where does anyone begin to feel the laws are to be obeyed?
    WHO gave him the right to decide who lives?
    You see, its not just opinions here it is the base of our structure as a country, we must live in peace with our nieghbors. When some one negates those rules, there is always a price to pay.
    He paid with his life.
    To me that was justice.
    LATER
    | Posted on 2005-12-16 00:00:00 | by Clayton | [ Reply to This ]
      "and incomplete
    not the man he used to be
    but slowly becoming
    the man he could have been"

    what is sadder, from my perspective, is that the lethal injection stopped him from becoming…

    and that there was no recognition that human kind can redeem themselves…

    that he was no longer the man he was…

    how can his death after 25years of trying to make up for his crime…how can his death either bring back the four victims who died or serve as a deterrent for other 'would be killers'?

    and how can we have the right to take the life of someone who showed his remorse and ultimately did more good than bad deeds?

    I like to think that if I transgress against anyone, then I can have the chance to put right any wrongs.

    How else can we live?
    without redemption we are all doomed!

    What happened to clemency and forgiveness?

    sorry this has turned into a rant!
    | Posted on 2005-12-16 00:00:00 | by ertha | [ Reply to This ]
      Totally true. I hate the death penalty, and he was doing more good with the books he was writing than the police are by killing him. The last lines are very touching, but im afraid also that you glorify him a little too much. But still, i like the poem and it hits home on the issue.
    | Posted on 2005-12-15 00:00:00 | by Visionary | [ Reply to This ]
      Firstly; it was a bed (gurney), not a chair.
    Secondly; he was not murdered, it was a legal execution for CRIMES committed against law abiding innocent individuals. He was the murderer, and he paid the price the law said a man might have to pay if one committed acts of violence.
    Thirdly;He died not proud, but in shame if he truely KNEW the God he claimed he come to know.
    Last of all; you do need grammer fixed.
    LATER
    | Posted on 2005-12-15 00:00:00 | by Clayton | [ Reply to This ]
      Damn I never thought that I would see a poema about tookie. I have mixed emotions about the case itself because when you kill 4 people you no longer need your life because you don't value the lives of others. but that's another story for another day. this one is pretty good and full of a lot of emotion but you used "led to the chair" too close together. It made it sound slightly immature but once you got past hte occurance it got better. you might want to change that but otherwise this one was really good. i just mihgt maje it a fav. you need to work on spelling and Grammar which is always a given but otherwise ok.

    "CTR"
    | Posted on 2005-12-15 00:00:00 | by Chi-Town Rose | [ Reply to This ]
      one thing i look for in a poem is grammer, and this grammer needs to be changed. but other than that i liked the meaning. tookie did not deserve to be killed. he did kill 4 people, but he didn't have to die for it. i liked how the poem showed he's expression and emotion before he was executed. i disagree with 'dreamweaver', there was only 2 'led to the chair', so it was okay. though i suggest you go back and edit the grammer. but i liked how it covered the time that he walked in and the time in which he died. and how it talked about the time in which he was inprisoned and lost so much time he could have spent doing fun things. i liked it, it was good, but do fix the grammer.

    ~Insphered~
    | Posted on 2005-12-15 00:00:00 | by insphered soul | [ Reply to This ]
      One too many "led to the chair(s)" in the first lines.
    This was a good poem.

    he died proud
    sad
    and incomplete

    I liked that part of your piece, it really stood out and grabbed at me, I guess that would be the best way to put it. Though I'm not too sure how I feel about this subject in it's self, you wrote a good piece about it. The ending was very good also I thought. Keep it up!

    Candi
    | Posted on 2005-12-15 00:00:00 | by dreamweaver | [ Reply to This ]


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