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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: My Worlddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Autum-Moon
    ASL Info:    15/Female/drowing
    Elite Ratio:    3.22 - 284/165/29
    Words: 136
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 605
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 816



    Description:
       This poem has the potential to be better, so please let me know what you think and how I can improve.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMy Worlddots
    -------------------------------------------


    You'll never know
    how much you mean to me.
    For I could not find words,
    That explains these deep feelings I have for you.

    Youíre everything to me,
    My lover, my friend, my savoir.
    Every time I see you look at me
    I know I am the only one you see.

    Every moment I am with you
    itís like no one else is around,
    like the whole world disappears
    and there's no one else

    I'd walk to the end of the earth,
    I'd give you everything I could.
    Youíre my world....
    My life

    I know these feelings I couldn't explain,
    explain to you face to face.
    I'd rather write them down,
    For these words written, last longer then said.




    Submitted on 2005-12-15 11:09:54     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      One word: Excellent...

    That's three words actually, but that doesn't matter.

    UHHHH! How many words now? :-P

    Get ya counting?

    Here I am trying to give a short and honest comment and it ends up becoming an essay...

    Oh well. Keep it up!

    Take it easy :-)

    P.S ~ How many words now?
    | Posted on 2006-01-09 00:00:00 | by KasPeR88 | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked your poem alot and can tell how heartfelt you were in the composition. But, I believe you could be a lot more expressive with it by paying more attention to the syllable count and meter of each stanza.

    You should also consider revising so that you do not end so many verses with "me" and "you". In the 4th verse "explains" should be explain.
    | Posted on 2005-12-16 00:00:00 | by oixi | [ Reply to This ]
      Great way of expressing yourself and the way feel. This is a heartfelt poem! I could feel every inch of passion you put into the poem. Your profile says you are 15! I was not this gifted as a 15 year-old. My hats are off to you
    | Posted on 2005-12-15 00:00:00 | by B-Gentle | [ Reply to This ]
      very nice...I don't think it needs to be changed because it is very heartfelt and emotional and written very well...you should keep just as it is!
    | Posted on 2005-12-15 00:00:00 | by tinkerbellsas | [ Reply to This ]
      This is so sweet. i enjoyed reading. It shows off your emotions well, and I loved the ending. i cannot be of much help because i think it's perfect. I hope you check out my poem: Because. It's old and not my best, but you might like it.

    PinkFairy
    | Posted on 2005-12-15 00:00:00 | by PinkFairy | [ Reply to This ]
      i love this piece and i can definatly relate... if you hadn't wrote this i would have... keep it up... you are anawesome writer who knows your skill well.
    love tina
    | Posted on 2005-12-15 00:00:00 | by ladiesplanet1 | [ Reply to This ]
      Lovely words written with love in mind. That has to be a recipie for a very good poem - and that is exactly what this was - well done.
    | Posted on 2005-12-15 00:00:00 | by Frank Maguire | [ Reply to This ]
      it sounds like this person is your everything but maybe you could make it flow better by choosing similar words to those that dont rhyme as much.dont get me wrong,this was a very sweet poem.i just didn't find the flow that could be there with few alterations.you should think about revising it.otherwise,i liked this poem alot.it sounded very pure.
    keep up the good work!
    | Posted on 2005-12-15 00:00:00 | by _Dancing_Alone_ | [ Reply to This ]


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