[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Deathdots

    Author: ladiesplanet1
    ASL Info:    23.cali baby
    Elite Ratio:    3.58 - 720/463/165
    Words: 105
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 530
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 615

       i wrote this a couple days a go... i hope you all like it. still in juve... have fun... look at my journal for my address to write me here.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    suicide was calling me,
    i long for It but i can see,
    that i should be a flying bee,
    buzzing through life so happily.
    and if i don't then i'll know,
    exactly what life wants to show,
    this lonely child full of woe,
    and tell It things it doesn't know.
    It tells me that i will soon die.
    It tells me that i will not cry.
    somehow i know this is a lie.
    i can see It plays It's game.
    I know It thinks i'm such a shame.
    It says i am the one to blame,
    I see, now, Death is Life's real name.

    Submitted on 2005-12-15 14:01:39     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I do love the last line, even though I have several thoughts about what it is saying... nevertheless, the last line is brilliant.
    | Posted on 2006-03-16 00:00:00 | by suneideises | [ Reply to This ]
      This is good. It was an original approach to a overused topic, but I liked it a lot. The rhyming seemed a bit too forced, though. Keep in mind that poems don't always have to rhyme.

    Keep up the good work, and thanks again for the comment. :]
    | Posted on 2006-02-10 00:00:00 | by disco superfly | [ Reply to This ]
      That last line was the best. It was brilliant. Suicide should never be an option. i like how you worded your thoughts. they made me think, that was good. I read it over and over again, everytime i saw something different. I hope you read my poem: My dawn, you might enjoy it.
    Good job
    | Posted on 2005-12-15 00:00:00 | by PinkFairy | [ Reply to This ]
      its quite interesting that so many poems even in this site have been written on death still i guess each of them shares a total seoarate tone. like it . specially the line- "death is life's real name" is excellent
    | Posted on 2005-12-15 00:00:00 | by shahan | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (3) written by endlessgame23
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    Dream written by closetpoet
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    untitled written by ShyOne
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    Records I written by Raphael
    The Old Mill written by Wolfwatching
    mimicry written by expiring_touch
    Love written by saartha
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (1) written by endlessgame23
    Suffer The Children written by poetotoe
    Etiquette written by saartha
    The Poems Death written by Mepoduo
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (2) written by endlessgame23
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    Birds of a Feather written by poetotoe
    Still Perfectly Flawed written by armand
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    My Four Seasons written by faideddarkness
    Deep Into A World Of Despair written by DeathTone
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Comme un lion en avril written by Outlaw
    Life is moments written by Ramneet
    Relativity written by poetotoe
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    winners circle written by ShyOne
    Tartarus written by endlessgame23




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]