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    dots Submission Name: Deathdots

    Author: ladiesplanet1
    ASL Info:    23.cali baby
    Elite Ratio:    3.58 - 720/463/165
    Words: 105
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 542
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 615

       i wrote this a couple days a go... i hope you all like it. still in juve... have fun... look at my journal for my address to write me here.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    suicide was calling me,
    i long for It but i can see,
    that i should be a flying bee,
    buzzing through life so happily.
    and if i don't then i'll know,
    exactly what life wants to show,
    this lonely child full of woe,
    and tell It things it doesn't know.
    It tells me that i will soon die.
    It tells me that i will not cry.
    somehow i know this is a lie.
    i can see It plays It's game.
    I know It thinks i'm such a shame.
    It says i am the one to blame,
    I see, now, Death is Life's real name.

    Submitted on 2005-12-15 14:01:39     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I do love the last line, even though I have several thoughts about what it is saying... nevertheless, the last line is brilliant.
    | Posted on 2006-03-16 00:00:00 | by suneideises | [ Reply to This ]
      This is good. It was an original approach to a overused topic, but I liked it a lot. The rhyming seemed a bit too forced, though. Keep in mind that poems don't always have to rhyme.

    Keep up the good work, and thanks again for the comment. :]
    | Posted on 2006-02-10 00:00:00 | by disco superfly | [ Reply to This ]
      That last line was the best. It was brilliant. Suicide should never be an option. i like how you worded your thoughts. they made me think, that was good. I read it over and over again, everytime i saw something different. I hope you read my poem: My dawn, you might enjoy it.
    Good job
    | Posted on 2005-12-15 00:00:00 | by PinkFairy | [ Reply to This ]
      its quite interesting that so many poems even in this site have been written on death still i guess each of them shares a total seoarate tone. like it . specially the line- "death is life's real name" is excellent
    | Posted on 2005-12-15 00:00:00 | by shahan | [ Reply to This ]

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