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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Forgivendots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: dreamweaver
    ASL Info:    28/f/WI
    Elite Ratio:    7.22 - 1022/443/42
    Words: 145
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 1353
    Average Vote:    3.0000
    Bytes: 985



    Description:
       They say that any sin can be forgiven, other than denying God. Whether it's true or not, only time will tell.

    Did "Tookie" deserve to die? I couldn't honestly tell you, that's a personal thing. Do I believe that it is possible he could be forgiven? I sure do. It is all what is in his own soul.

    Either way, it was because of his execution that I wrote this piece. Again, the death penalty is a touchy subject, but I just thought about what it might be like to sit in someone else's shoes.

    It was after reading jbb360's poem "Tookie" that this came to me.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsForgivendots
    -------------------------------------------


    This is the last time
    though unsteady,
    my footsteps will echo down a corridor.

    Entering through this doorway,
    knowing no one's arms will ever greet me.
    I take a seat upon the throne they feel I deserve.

    Behind the glass,
    unforgiving faces stare.
    Eyes frozen with hate-
    shadows of pain for the ones they lost,
    unwillingly revealed.

    My heart secretly aches.
    Refusing to cry,
    I begin to fade into myself.

    Some hailed me as a hero
    Others a demon-
    for those,
    this is their retribution.

    I find solace knowing I shall not die in vain.
    For as my life is taken,
    my words will force another to think twice.

    With this my final breath,
    I offer a silent prayer.

    Though I denied You then,
    I ask forgiveness.
    Allow me to take Your hand
    and follow You home.




    Submitted on 2005-12-15 14:47:18     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Though I denied You then,
    I ask forgiveness.
    Allow me to take Your hand
    and follow You home.

    That was simply my favourite part and the most profound part of the write, though all of was quite good. I'm adding this to my fav's list.

    Nicole

    | Posted on 2006-06-09 00:00:00 | by Dragon of Roses | [ Reply to This ]
      Actually from my knowledge the only sins that cannot be forgiven are blasphemy, which is the act of cursing God or deeming another human or thing with God-like characteristics or praise for example a man declaring himself as God almighty, that is blasphemy and unforgivable and also the act of suicide, though some debate on the fact that it may be forgivable or it somewhat unsure but from how I see it cannot be forgiven because you are already dead how can you ask forgiveness ? So it is quite possible that this person could have received forgiveness but because I am not God I cannot say for sure.

    Anyways I found this piece to be very good and I really like it despite the issue you wrote on, you did a fantastic job of the wording, descriptions and the imagery. Keep up the good work my friend and have a blessed and wonderful day.
    | Posted on 2006-04-09 00:00:00 | by Departed One | [ Reply to This ]
      Well, touchy subject these days, the death penalty that is. I guess you would have to walk a mile in his shoes.
    The poem does give some attemp to do just that. Not a bad thing just, I figure that it would be hard to see from that aspect. Good attempt though.
    I see more of a prayer her because it is sort like asking for a second chance from god. I am not one for prayer but I could see this if I were in anyway put in this position.
    I myself take no stand on the death penalty.
    I have never been on either end of the spectrum.
    I know the object of commenting is to make suggestions on how to improve this write but I find that is nicely written as well a way to insert some bit of humanism into the readers mind.

    Nicely Done

    Respect and Admiration

    Clyde
    | Posted on 2006-04-06 00:00:00 | by Wisdom Seeker | [ Reply to This ]
      I was just going to check out one more before I strt work and I choose one of your peices that is great.. people seem to write about an eye for an eye, but what happeed to two wrongs don't make a right? And the only one to make this kind of judgment is God... I can go on about this, so great peice, and thought provoking!!
    | Posted on 2006-06-15 00:00:00 | by mimi | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey this is such a morosse piece and equally poignant. I also read Tookie's version, I was so moved. Moroever u wrote on such a controversial subject, Im also one person who believes in forgiveness not matter how severe the case is but one can never comment unless u have been in the shoes of those who have suffered a loss of a family member or dear friend. Either way the perpetrator also has a story to tell, but its also a contestious issue as to whether anybody can justify the execution of an innocent victim...Nevertheless, I know nothing. The poem was very sagaciously crafted and so vivid...So moving..Be happy...Nobantu
    | Posted on 2006-02-21 00:00:00 | by Nobantu | [ Reply to This ]
      Dreamweaver

    a depressingly beautiful write of being in another's shoes before death becomes him. I like how in the end he prays for forgivness to God...allow me to take your hand and follow you home...wow

    personally, i cant help but believe in the death penality. there are some people who just doesnt deserve to live in the world and I say why should they live comfortably in a prison cell on the publics tax dollars...sorry just rambling. anyways, i like how you are able to step into tookies shoes and create a sense of feeling when he walks down the hall to the execution room.

    again a depressingly sad piece, but i cant help to like it. nicely done

    Jo
    | Posted on 2006-01-31 00:00:00 | by Little_Woman | [ Reply to This ]
      Candi, There's not much to add that so many others have already said.

    I'm afraid that I don't know this case.

    I don't see where your poem is either for or against the death penalty. It your creative way of imaging yourself into some one elses mind. The're are many Psychopaths (sociopaths) in prison. These are people who have no concience or moral compass as well as no empathy for others ( some one who shoots some one while begging for their life than laughs about the gurgling who definitely be a Psychopath). I doubt this group would feel any remorse or regret except that they got caught. For many others this is probably an accurate depiction of what they feel along with crippling panic.

    This was so well done and does remind us that the old testament "an eye for an eye" has been replaced by "turn the other cheek" and "Let he who is wikthout sin cast the first stone"

    Nice write!!

    Steve
    | Posted on 2006-01-30 00:00:00 | by SHRINKSDR | [ Reply to This ]
      Your writing style reminds me of a book I read in Arabic which I then read again in English. Your writing reminded me of that. The death penelty is a very conservertial subject but your attitude in your writing was very pleasing. I've tried writing a piece while being in someone else's shoes but didn't go so well at all. Yours, however, was incredible.

    I find solace knowing I shall not die in vain.

    I really liked how you used the word 'solace' in this line.

    Lovely.

    -Lado
    | Posted on 2006-01-27 00:00:00 | by poeticblindness | [ Reply to This ]
      I know I thanked you for reading 'Tears', and then went on about vengence against child rapists, and I know too you are passionate about stopping the death penalty. I did not wish to affend you. Might we justly feel for all those who have been burdened from anothers actions of taking a precious life! Might we cry for them.
    | Posted on 2006-01-20 00:00:00 | by Clayton | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a fantastic and deeply moving poem
    I too am mixed on the death penalty
    However
    I do believe God is a peace Loving God and recognizes that a man has his own mind and can and will make mistakes
    Any man or woman no matter what the crime can be welcomed into Gods Kingdom
    They truefully have to believe that they are sorry for what they have done That is true but I or You am not God and we are not the ones who make the choices
    I really enjoyed this
    A very mind Provoking write
    God Bless
    Your Friend
    Ron
    | Posted on 2006-01-19 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a good piece on what had to be a puzzling subject to write about. It's hard to put yourself in someone else's shoes, when no one with those particular shoes is around to tell us about it.

    I actually read your description first, then I called away to work. When I came back and read the poem I had forgotten the description so I wasn't really thinking about Tookie. Still, even with an anonymous subject the poem is very powerful. It might be less political without the description.

    The death penalty is a difficult subject. You've done a great job of exploring his feelings without delving into the politics.

    Steve
    | Posted on 2006-01-17 00:00:00 | by Lost Sheep | [ Reply to This ]
      I think you were able to write a poem about a sensitive topic and, make it where we can see another side of the death penalty system and yet remain impartial. this was raw and vivid in details. It made me think about all aspects of a death row convict and the victims of his or her crimes. It made see that redemption is not always black and white. Great Job!

    Maggie
    | Posted on 2006-01-17 00:00:00 | by Magnolia Steele | [ Reply to This ]
      This is beautifully written poem, very powerful in many ways. It’s very moving; I love how you gave dignity to his last moments in this world.
    While reading it I remembered that movie “Dead Man Walking”, oh how I cried during the last few minutes of that movie. It really made me think about “our” justice. You are right, death penalty is a very touchy and complex subject, but that movie helped me to make up my mind. I oppose it, definitely, because we don’t have right to do that, we just don’t have the right. Few years ago a lost a family member in a car accident caused by a drunken driver. Maybe someone would wish him death but I don’t. It wouldn’t mean a thing to me. It wouldn’t make it better.
    Back to your poem, I think it’s a brave attempt to make us reconsider our values. It made us think, at least for a moment.
    | Posted on 2006-01-07 00:00:00 | by Poly Jean | [ Reply to This ]
      Nice write and I think you blended the whole religion vs. manmade laws quite well. Nice reminder of how every action has a consequence and some of those consequences are sometimes hard to swallow.
    Very thoughtful write.
    | Posted on 2005-12-28 00:00:00 | by hyproglo | [ Reply to This ]
      that's a hard thing to do, put yourself in someone
    else's shoes to write something.. i think you've
    done well here.. we all have to
    participate in our own redemption, and i think
    perhaps Tookie's last years were spent trying to
    change the course of things he'd done in his past.
    personally, i think the death penalty is wrong..
    it seems ridiculous to kill people to show that
    killing people is wrong.. what a horrible place
    to have to go in order to die, eh? but then again,
    we can't forget the victims and how they died..
    it's a touchy subject..

    well done.

    peace,
    ~Cat
    | Posted on 2005-12-23 00:00:00 | by magnicat | [ Reply to This ]
      very good account here Candi. the final steps of a condemned life. I like how you did this piece a general step by step process with feelings involved.

    “Tookie” was an unfortunate case and many have hated. I do not know how many of those knew about the case itself but nevertheless it does not matter because now the man is dead. I hope we do take a serious look at the death penalty and give ear to all those people who have been exonerated some 119 people across this nation between 1973 and 2005. Florida ranking number one in those exonerated and it has become known as the exoneration state. the evidence is plain the system is faulty from representation of those accused, police interrogation methods, deals given by the D.A. and many other faulty circumstances. I have heard many say that at least it isn’t as bad as before or as bad as it is in other countries. but death is death and NO ONE on this planet should cast the first stone lest they too be accused of something. I say that for those who claim to be of faith and yet support the punishment. was it not Jesus himself who had in his company the worst of humanity? did he not stand against those who claimed to be good and yet inward were like wolves? Paul who previously was Saul the murderer of those of faith yet transformed he became one of the greatest apostles. how much more so would a God forgive and use those in whom he has placed his heart?

    now I know what you might say. what is it to me? a beast, who does not strive with God. though it is true I am not in the company of the allmighty, i do not go to church nor do a claim to be of any faith. i find it awfully troubling for someone like me to have compassion for those less fortunate. people who say they are of the church yet do not show that same type of concern nor compassion. i knew these would be trifling days when the people of God would honor him with their lips but not with their heart. it is the time of times we live in, the love for many is waxing cold and i see it will only get worse as more troubling events happen.

    stanza one. the last time, last walk, walking the mile. I cannot imagine the feeling of one who has to take those last steps knowing they are going to die. see in our lives we don’t know when death will come I believe it is less scary that way. many people say well at least he gets to make arrangements and say all those things he wanted to say to his loved ones. and yet how could they deny that the days nearing the end and those last final steps would not be nightmarish to say the least. those of faith I’m sure go more calmly to their deaths especially if they believe that they will achieve everlasting life in the hereafter. that morbid feeling is hard to shake the "what would it be like to be that person walking to their death"

    stanza two. entering through this doorway. I see the physical door and the door opening to another realm plus marking a change that the doorway shall bring when a soul is set free from the body. those unforgiving faces and eyes of hate. they hunger for blood to be repaid and call it justice. I do wonder how those people wopuld feel for the people who are found innocent after the fact. true many are guilty of the crimes they have committed but it is shocking to see the cold system in action and putting to death of one similar to putting a dog to sleep. And even more shocking is those exorated after they have been put to death. I guess that is the "oh well" factor that very callous people like to say. well I am sorry folks "oh well" just doesn't cut it. it is unacceptable!

    stanza three. the emotional unrest of the condemn person is well noted.

    stanza four. the two views on that person though I do not think hero would be the other view more like a martyr.

    stanza five. this I must disagree with this lines as being “Tookies” thoughts for I have heard his last couple of interviews he gave. And he has always maintained his innocence of the murders. in the latest interview he said in his final word he will think when he dies is “redemption” nothing about someone else having to think twice. it is already proven by numbers that the penalty is not a deterrent. like the old ancient proverb “violence begets violence”

    the two lines standing alone is nice.

    and the final lines are great and heartwarming.

    only one thing here that fifth stanza I disagree with very passionately.

    other than that it is magnificent piece.

    ~mike

    when the people of God can no longer be the light of the world then perhaps the idea has outlived its usefulness.

    you can quote me on that.

    ~mike
    | Posted on 2005-12-18 00:00:00 | by inspirit999 | [ Reply to This ]
      
    Dreamwaver this is a courageous piece of writing.
    You have made a poem which shows your empathy and humanity…and it takes imagination to d this..
    and you have used you imagination well and put it to good creative use.

    Poetically, this is impressive
    I really like the idea of ''unsteady footsteps echoing''
    and the images in

    ''Behind the glass,
    unforgiving faces stare.
    Eyes frozen with hate-''

    I am so pleased that I live where the death penalty was abolished so long ago I forget ( about fifty years ago I think) I don't know much about Tookie as a personality but I believe in clemency, forgiveness and above all, redemption
    | Posted on 2005-12-18 00:00:00 | by ertha | [ Reply to This ]
      im glad i inspired you. i have so many things to say about this and comments left but i prefer to aviod all that and take away from an awesome piece. i really enjoyed it and am glad i can inspire someone!^-^
    -jon
    | Posted on 2005-12-16 00:00:00 | by jbb360 | [ Reply to This ]
      Candi, very nicely done, appropriately serious, and a nice trip into a mind on that final long walk...how would we know what we would think?

    Nice, a good slant on the religious without being preachy, I quite enjoyed this a lot.

    be happy

    Graeme
    | Posted on 2005-12-15 00:00:00 | by wewak11 | [ Reply to This ]
      I must concede forgiverness from God is truely possible, even in this poor souls case. Sin is sin, and as He has promised if you call upon him in his name... so be it.
    A life of crime involves the rules of punishment and all those who play must be subject to those rules. Regardless of any spiritual change we hope all might find, their end will and must be held to those laws.
    IF he truely found the God he claims to have found, do you realize the the change of heart would compel him have justice completed! I do not believe a man of God could live knowing his hands committed such violence. Even Judas shows what repentence does to a cleansed heart.
    Beyond that, you have done well and these words reflect what might be a souls final hour.
    BUT would we really know the thoughts crossing anyones mind in those fleeting moments?
    Amazing thoughts!
    LATER
    | Posted on 2005-12-15 00:00:00 | by Clayton | [ Reply to This ]
      great work! Hated the person it was written about though. It can envoke sympathy easily, especially since alot of death row inmates have expressed regret for their actions. Tookie however, not only made money and got nominated for peace prizes, he gained a fanbase without ever admitting or expressing regret for shooting the 7-11 clerk in the back of the head twice as he begged for his life. He even bragged and laughed around the neighborhood how the victim gurgled his words
    and couldn't form sentences while blood spewed from his mouth. Good poem though, if I can forget it's about a peice of **** oops
    | Posted on 2005-12-15 00:00:00 | by FosterKid | [ Reply to This ]
      Regardless of who may have inspired it, this is an interesting write concerning the last thoughts of a man about to be executed. Most people under these circumstances must make their own piece with whatever deity they worship (if any), while the families of the victims are left to deal with the hollow feeling of justice delayed and deferred. Nice food for thought. Take care. Bill.
    | Posted on 2005-12-15 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a good poem. Very thought provoking and a touchy subject! I like how you place yourself in the shoes of the person who faces the death sentence. I have some mixed feelings when it comes to this but I also believe and eye for an eye is justice. Someone who murders another person doesnt deserve to live, even in prison. And why should we as taxpayers have to pay for them to live? It doesnt make sense. The person who has been murdered has lost all their rights and I think the one who commits this crime should lose all of theirs as well as their life. There are a few exceptions here in my opinion, and one of them is someone who has been wrongfully convicted. Then it is a huge injustice and the death penalty should only be used in cases where they either admit it or the evidence is obvious. And with DNA testing these days, it can be an obvious verdict. Hope I havent offended you with my personal opinions but I couldnt help myself. Anyway, this is a good poem and I am sooooo happy to see you posting again! YEAY! I hope there will be more to follow! Nice write. Take care.

    Lorna
    | Posted on 2005-12-15 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
      Does God forgive? Of course He does. I don't agree with the death penalty excpet in the most extreme cases (McVeigh,Gacy,Bundy). You do an excellent job putting us in his head, and giving us a picture of what it would be like lying on that gurney, and I like the fact the poem ends on a hopeful note.

    Peace,

    Joe
    | Posted on 2006-07-06 00:00:00 | by joeyalphabet | [ Reply to This ]


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