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    dots Submission Name: Meltingdots

    Author: sammysheep
    ASL Info:    29/Male/United States
    Elite Ratio:    7.84 - 14/15/6
    Words: 50
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1074
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 360

    General thoughts on the style, rhythm, and word choice are always appreciated. What does the poem make you feel or see?

    The poem may make the reader think of a snowflake falling, but are there other more subtle analogies the reader may observe? ( The alternate title for the poem might've been "Feeling Again", but I chose "Melting" for its wonderful ambiguity. )

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    Hardened, listless, rigid & cold,
    Floating silent, she sullen rolled,
    Downward falling, as if by fear--
    No warmth of sun, nor breath of cheer.

    Hitting violent, the ground so warm,
    She shatters shape, then grasps new form--
    Trickles flow, warm tears soothing, deep,
    Breaking winter that did not weep.

    Submitted on 2005-12-16 11:39:31     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
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    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      So you intended this as an analogy of a heart slowly melting into tears (which some have said provide cleansing for the soul)? This is the image I gathered from the snowflake tumbling to the ground (bottoming out) before slowly dissolving and overcoming the tight grip of winter (with the personification of the snowflake as woman creating the parallelism). Actually, this was nicely done. Take care. Bill.
    | Posted on 2005-12-16 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]
      Thoughts....hmmmmm, I love giving thoughts.

    I saw this piece in two lights simultaiously.

    I saw winter in all her frigidity, her cold heart overpowering warmth and life. I saw her bowing, buyt not mourning her transtiton into the wartm of spring.

    I also saw a woman who has hardened her heart. Someone who has created winter's cold inside herself to keep from being hurt. And yet, she has ran aground of something more powerful than her desire to be loveless, and her heart is begining to warm.

    A lovely poem. I think it may have been a little easier to read if you lost the rhyme and made it prose, but that just a passing thought.

    Thanks for sharing!

    | Posted on 2005-12-16 00:00:00 | by Chell | [ Reply to This ]

    this was pretty good, you're talking about spring i'm assuming. Thats a good way to write it too, I liked it. It was short, and i really like the short, to the point ones. so yeah kudos to you broseph. That last line you had was a good one too. Breaking winter that did not weep. Almost like the winter was so harsh that it really didn't care that it died with spring.

    | Posted on 2005-12-16 00:00:00 | by austin | [ Reply to This ]

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