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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Untitleddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Autum-Moon
    ASL Info:    15/Female/drowing
    Elite Ratio:    3.22 - 284/165/29
    Words: 237
    Class/Type: Lyrics/Gothic
    Total Views: 635
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1630



    Description:
       This is a song/poem I wrote a very long time ago. Hope you all enjoy and give me any feedback.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsUntitleddots
    -------------------------------------------


    My Hope
    (It's a lie)

    My Love
    (Soon to die)

    My Tears
    (Running dry)

    And all we ever needed was a little trust,
    My heart, soon to rust,
    and I swear i'll kill, make blood spill, over every lie you tell
    My broken heart still beats
    with every hopeful word you speak
    It clings in your hands, drawn to you like your an addiction
    My addiction
    MY hearts an addict

    My Trust
    (Broken)

    My Thoughts
    (Unspoken)

    Your Deciet
    (Awoken)

    We could have made it, true love wins
    We'll change it all, erase our sins
    Fuck the pain, turn to each
    other
    You my friend, My hope, My lover
    Lets fuck til our cunts bleed, Let fuck to forget.
    Forget our failures,
    and our life that we fucked up.

    My Family
    (I have)

    My Friends
    (I lost)

    My Lover
    (I fuck)

    We weren't as innocent as they believed
    We broke some hearts, begged, borrowed and thieved
    Thieved some honestly
    God knows thats what we need
    We told too many lies, causing my legs too bleed
    Bled from my own doing, from our fucked up lies
    Slit my skin, Loved the sin
    Tell me off and rape my soul
    Your incontrol

    My Faithful Partner
    (Partner in crime)

    My Beautiful Lover
    (Lover in mind)

    My One True Love
    (Lost I can't find)





    Submitted on 2005-12-16 14:39:27     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I love the lyrics and the structure in this piece.

    When I see writing like:

    Blah blah blah
    (More interesting blah)

    It makes me think of a band like mushroomhead or black bomb a singing it, simply because I love them two bands for having the odd set of ()'s.

    Anyway, this isn't about them.

    The way the song is written is perfect.
    The contents of the song are perfect.

    This song is crap :-P
    ...
    Only joking! :-)

    It's really cool, and I enjoyed reading it :-D

    Keep up the good work
    | Posted on 2006-01-09 00:00:00 | by KasPeR88 | [ Reply to This ]
      "My Hope
    (It's a lie)

    My Love
    (Soon to die)

    My Tears
    (Running dry)

    And all we ever needed was a little trust,
    My heart, soon to rust,
    and I swear i'll kill, make blood spill, over every lie you tell
    My broken heart still beats
    with every hopeful word you speak
    It clings in your hands, drawn to you like your an addiction
    My addiction
    MY hearts an addict"

    That right there is pure greatness, this poem/song is really good, sandman is right it has great flow.
    | Posted on 2006-01-05 00:00:00 | by sinister_always | [ Reply to This ]
      Hey,

    Thats great. Good flow, good words. What else can I say, I guess more. Keep up the great writting

    *Let it Flow*
    Raven
    | Posted on 2006-01-03 00:00:00 | by Silent_Tears | [ Reply to This ]
      This is my kind of song. I'm definately adding this to my favorite's list. I can picture this behind music, yeah, I really can. I like your style, check out song of my songs sometime, you might like them. Anyway, great job.
    | Posted on 2005-12-16 00:00:00 | by Toxic_Rayne | [ Reply to This ]
      this was very good and well presented and had a nice rythem and flowed through the stansas
    great write and enjoyable read
    sandman
    | Posted on 2005-12-16 00:00:00 | by sandman | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

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    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    84702

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

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