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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: A Lover's Touchdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: AlabamaFarmGirl
    ASL Info:    50/F/Alabama
    Elite Ratio:    4.33 - 518/333/26
    Words: 142
    Class/Type: Poetry/Passion
    Total Views: 998
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 867



    Description:
       Just in one of those moods


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsA Lover's Touchdots
    -------------------------------------------


    When he would walk into a room
    Her heart will swing in full bloom
    Beating, fluttering, like a butterfly
    Throat will catch, tears in her eyes
    He touches her, she feels the heat
    Of the things that are so very sweet
    Not just some kind of sexual flatter
    Knows he is real, is all that matters
    He stares and gives her that look
    She knows, she's is an open book
    Loving this man with all her heart
    This she knew right from the start
    Grabs her hand places by his side
    Lets him lead her and be her guide
    Together, they go over to his place
    Her heart skips, then begins to race
    Not thinking clearly, this she knows
    As he leads her, with him, she goes
    Questioning, where will this end?
    Well, come on back and read it again...





    Submitted on 2005-12-16 15:43:43     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Linda, this is a wonderful romantic poem! Nothing like the magnetism between a couple in love!
    | Posted on 2007-05-07 00:00:00 | by Ron Cole | [ Reply to This ]
      This was sweet! I can paint an image of this in my mind.

    Love is something that once we get a grasp on it....we never want to let go. To have somebody's presence, be able to consume your whole actions. The power of ove is amazing.

    This write was very sincere. As though I could see her cheeks blushing and understand the emotional side of her views.

    The rhythm was calm and well paced. It gave the poem that much more of a lovely feel.

    I liked this! It gave me a smile and a gentle feeling afterwards!

    Much love,

    Li Li
    | Posted on 2006-05-05 00:00:00 | by Munchie_1226 | [ Reply to This ]
      I read it over and over. How did you write this ? Please teach me.....man !! I feel the Love again
    | Posted on 2006-09-08 00:00:00 | by premofcal | [ Reply to This ]
      Aww, this is so sweet. I really enjoyed reading this and feeling every emotion that she was feeling...it carried me along smoothly. You did a very good job with this.

    Kris
    | Posted on 2006-02-09 00:00:00 | by Raindrops | [ Reply to This ]
      This reminds me of the feelings you have when you fall in love for the first time. When you see that special someone your heart pounds and feels like it jumps up in your throat and sticks there and you can barely speak. Very passionate and romantic write.
    DJ
    | Posted on 2006-01-18 00:00:00 | by Doris Jean | [ Reply to This ]
      I liked the build up of romantic tension here and the playful tease at the end.This is a sweet little candid zoom shot of two lover's , easy and fun to read . The rhyme works to keep the tone light, yet doesn't sound too nursery-ish.
    Good one
    Silver
    | Posted on 2006-01-07 00:00:00 | by Silverdog | [ Reply to This ]
      Heh, heh, heh...smooooooth Linda...very, berry smooooth. What a freakin moment you have capture here. A good reminder of "that" moment. Now whos got who blushing, eh?


    Hee-Hee! Whew!

    O.k., there was a typo...dunno if anybody mentioned it to you...cuz I barely did, but read this line and I am sure you can figure out the typo:

    She knows, she's is an open book

    Yeah, the apostrophe and the 's' have to go or 'is' has to go. Hard to catch that one because the feeling and the write just suck you into it.

    Good stuff maynard!
    | Posted on 2005-12-30 00:00:00 | by hyproglo | [ Reply to This ]
      very nice here, I like the butterfly usage in line three, one view is that it signifies a change in state. another may be the representation of beauty within. now on line 7 you have “not just some kind of sexual flatter” and then on the next line you have “knows he is real, is all that matters” I wonder if you could make the “flatter” in the 7th “flatters” by a little rephrasing or make the matters in line 8 change to “matter”
    of perhaps change one of those words altogether such as: “taken by the serving of this sensuous platter” hmm maybe too wordy or perhaps going with the first suggestion “his presence filled me was all the matter” in line 10 you have “she’s is” so you are saying “she is is” putting "she is" or "she's" is a tiny corrective measure that will help your write. the rest is nice. the submission of the lady, that is great, some like that and some like a woman to be dominant both are very nice to read. I like that wrap around at the end with “questioning, where will this end? well, come back and read it again” making the poem sort of a circular fantasy in a way.

    very nicely done, take care Linda,

    ~mike
    | Posted on 2005-12-25 00:00:00 | by inspirit999 | [ Reply to This ]
      When I first woke up in recovery the other day and Doris Jean put her hand on my forehead I knew first hand the wonder of a lover's touch!
    This is really a nice write and I enjoyed read'n it Linda. Who is that clown in the picture though?
    Happy Holidays,
    Stay safe,
    !doc`
    | Posted on 2005-12-23 00:00:00 | by dr_tigger | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow! I felt like you were showing us your sexy momma side. lol. I can so relate to this poem. I loved the way you detailed how the female feels with each thing the male said, did, or with a look. Very vivid and filled with romance and the feeling of being in love. This was just perfect. I love the way you ended it. A new fav for me.

    Maggie
    | Posted on 2005-12-23 00:00:00 | by Magnolia Steele | [ Reply to This ]
      Once again Your lovers touch shows how really well the picture enhances the words, any normal 'Ronald' might be busting out of that yellow suit with your hand on a knee!
    But then we men tend to over exagerate the extreme circumstances of sitting in a public place and having control. I believe all the grease from the burgers may have plugged up his main artery, and the pressure might not be high enough in all theright viens!
    Hmmm! I need a cold drink! No, a cold shower!
    | Posted on 2005-12-21 00:00:00 | by Clayton | [ Reply to This ]
      made me miss my girlfriend...damn it! i'm in the marines...we've been together for 3 years...and it's hard at times...but writings like this force memories of her to the front of my head to the point where it hurts...haha..it's a good hurt of course. but anyway, i hope the poem went somewhere good...lmao! i'm sure it did. take care

    -Austin-
    | Posted on 2005-12-20 00:00:00 | by austin | [ Reply to This ]
      Speaking of a lovers touch, I must comment on one thing; I have fallen in love with, that picture!
    I have never seen such beauty and white simply enhances the whole picture with its radiance, my heart beats rise thinking of the curves and I can only surmise the rise and fall of every tread; I just love spiral stairways.
    They are so hard to build, they are a masterpiece when they are hand made.
    Just like your lovers touch, its that special feeling that weakens the knees when you ponder it, it has its own special feel as you let every tread comfort the feet with easily reached steps. A lovers touch, It lets him lead her and be her guide from floor to floor.
    An excellant choice to companion this piece.
    | Posted on 2005-12-19 00:00:00 | by Clayton | [ Reply to This ]
      I like the story you relate here and the nice twist on the end.

    You might want to break it up into two or four line stanzas. I think that would make it more readable, particularly on a computer screen.

    There are a couple of minor grammatical things, first,
    "When he would walk into a room
    Her heart will swing in full bloom"
    Here your verb tenses are off. Either both should be "would" or the first line could be
    "When he walks into a room"

    Then you've got a typo"
    "She knows, she's is an open book"
    Of course should be "she's an" or "she is an"

    Nitpicky crud aside, this is a good piece,
    Steve
    | Posted on 2005-12-19 00:00:00 | by Lost Sheep | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow!! you farm girls! I don't know.

    This was a wonderful read. Subtle yet very engaging.
    very sensual and in away mildly erotic. There was something about her almost helplessness as she is drawn closer and closer to him surrendering to her "guide" that I found very powerful!

    I only wish it was my hand you were taking and allowing me in your feminine way to lead you .......

    Very well done!

    Steve

    BTW give me a break with those pictures - your making me crazy!! LOL
    | Posted on 2005-12-17 00:00:00 | by SHRINKSDR | [ Reply to This ]
      Hmm, good one. Entice 'em and leave 'em wanting more. The reader, I mean.
    Nice "in the mood" sort of write. Sensual, and with good taste.
    Nice work!
    ~Sandra
    | Posted on 2005-12-17 00:00:00 | by Intricate1 | [ Reply to This ]
      HEE HEE HEE. What a tease you have been on this one. You got me all wound up for a juicy ending and then left me out in the cold.
    Hee hee hee
    Nice job in keeping the reader yearning to read more and then leave them panting to come back and read again.

    He stares and gives her that look
    She knows, she's is an open book

    This is my favorite lines

    You ever have that throat constricting moment while in the moment you take a swallow and hope your not wrong in doing what you want to do. You question yourself all the while giving in to the passion. Well this is how i would describe your poem.

    Great job Linda

    Respect and Admiration

    Clyde
    | Posted on 2005-12-16 00:00:00 | by Wisdom Seeker | [ Reply to This ]
      AlabamaFarmGirl this is beautiful. Great passion! The ending seem mysterious but after reading it two more times I finally got it. It seems to me that she sees no end to her love affair with him. I know you are a woman but I can relate! I have felt the same way with this certain woman I am dating! Her poem will be posted soon! keep up the great work!
    | Posted on 2005-12-16 00:00:00 | by B-Gentle | [ Reply to This ]
      Linda,

    I think you have excelled yourself here. I just got lost in the whole thing. It was perfect and beautiful from the first word to the last. I sensed it was full of passion, full of raw emotion, and full of love - superb !
    | Posted on 2005-12-16 00:00:00 | by Frank Maguire | [ Reply to This ]
      this is wonderfull:) i love it! there was a lot of passion in this! it kinda made me all happy to read this! good job!
    ~akaila evonne~
    | Posted on 2005-12-16 00:00:00 | by iluvpoetry_1 | [ Reply to This ]
      This was sweet & sexy in an innocent way of Love. It's beautiful and you always have such a positive quality about your pieces and an excitement for life.
    Great!
    Love,Peace,Joy~Feel,Experience,BE~~~
    tif
    | Posted on 2005-12-16 00:00:00 | by Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      Excellent
    Without getting crazy and all too graphic
    You captured true Love Brilliantly
    I really liked this one
    Great Write
    God Bless
    Ron

    And Thank You for your recent comments
    and the Wonderful compliment you gave me
    I sincerely appreciate that
    Just so You Know
    You are one Heck of a Writer yourself
    I always look for new posts from you
    God Bless
    Ron
    | Posted on 2005-12-16 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      hmmmmmm...to analyze to analyze...i prefere to read more fast passed and more mysterious stuff personally but this was good...its good...check out some of my stuff if you want to...i don't have anything but dark and depressing stufff...and the suicide of a friend...etc. but you are welcome and wished to check it out
    xoxoxox
    Reeses
    | Posted on 2005-12-16 00:00:00 | by Numb | [ Reply to This ]
      wonderful job you did there , i really enjoyed it reading it from the beginning to the very end
    and i enjoyed it alot it reflected a lot of passion and sincerity , congrats on that and keep it up :)
    | Posted on 2005-12-16 00:00:00 | by Tarek Refaat | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a nice poem. You have captured this feeling of love and excitement well with your words. There is nothing better than being with someone who makes your heart race with anticipation. You have even left a bit of mystery at the end of this one, allowing the reader to fill in the blanks. Very nice job. Take care.

    Lorna
    | Posted on 2005-12-22 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

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    3. How did it make you feel?
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    12. Does it feel original?



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