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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: first snowdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: cannibal
    ASL Info:    18/f/MO usa
    Elite Ratio:    3.88 - 47/47/15
    Words: 81
    Class/Type: Random Thoughts/Happy
    Total Views: 999
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 373



    Description:
       Short yes i know. But I like it, it is one of my happy ones and i usually never write happy poems, or thoughts. Tell me what cha think.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsfirst snowdots
    -------------------------------------------


    A vision of the past, I see it there. And I relies that happiness is near. I notice the smell and it clogs my brain with child hood laughter and family. The smell of the winter air. So cold and yet so warm to the mind. Snow flakes fall on my dark brown hair, a smile as white as the snow. When I am out there there is no more thought, no pain seeps in, I am a child again.




    Submitted on 2005-12-16 16:59:28     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This is a very beautiful testament of winter and all her glory
    I Truly loved reading this write
    By the way from a mother to her child was written from my mind
    I tried to imagine myself as a mother with child
    I am a man and I am single
    I did not take offense in fact I took that as a compliment
    God Bless You
    Your Friend
    Ron
    | Posted on 2005-12-16 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      A nice passage and it finishes well. I can't remember my first snowfall just a load of photos of a chubby blonde infant rolling about with a dog. I suppose that's pretty cool though.
    maybe 'as pure as the snow' would sound better than as white, I'm not sure that really makes sense.
    and some description for your hair would work well for eg you would say hazel hair for light brown, that sort of thing.
    In that second sentence is that 'realize'. other than that you just need to tidy up your sentences a little.
    This is a nicely captured memory. well written.

    TTFN
    V
    | Posted on 2005-12-16 00:00:00 | by Vastmark | [ Reply to This ]


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