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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Feelings From Nowdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Tears of Azrael
    ASL Info:    14/F/Lost
    Elite Ratio:    5.47 - 107/102/25
    Words: 123
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 667
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 847



    Description:
       I know this poem sounds a bit pessimistic, but it's supposed to be romantic....*dedicated.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsFeelings From Nowdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Slowly, we're peeling the paint away
    And rediscovering cracks that run like mazes.
    In these hollow walls, teetering on decay:
    A threat to tear down the empty spaces.

    Through the orifice, we witnessed the stars,
    Their radiance covered you like a disease,
    Infiltrating deep into our hearts, hiding the scars;
    In your eyes, I've found my release.

    Entwined, we drift along the margins of desire,
    Jagged spires shaped by heavenly wrath.
    Salvation floats to us in lilting choir--
    ...We were meant for the moonlit path.

    In the aftermath, the paint flakes fell to the ground,
    My fingers searching yours, lifted dread.
    We've said a million words in muted sound:
    I found the interior to be the wrong shade of red.




    Submitted on 2005-12-16 20:43:25     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
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    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      i havent read anything from you in awhile, so i figured id give this one a try.

    you never cease to amaze being so young and so talented. behind these words lay great emotion, and yes it is pessimistic a bit, but what can you expect with the meaning of this poem?

    "In the aftermath, the paint flakes fell to the ground,
    My fingers searching yours, lifted dread.
    We've said a million words in muted sound:
    I found the interior to be the wrong shade of red. "

    this stanza stood out most for me, and is a great ending, especially the line:

    "In the aftermath, the paint flakes fell to the ground"

    great, really.

    there is not too much i can say about this poem, other than that there is clearly nothing wrong with it at all, and thats hard for me to say that sometimes.

    ive said it once and ill say it again, you have talent under your belt. never stop writing, ever.

    JD
    | Posted on 2006-01-26 00:00:00 | by xeternalshadowx | [ Reply to This ]
      First of all, I want to say that this is a masterpiece, very well done and polished as well. I loved the imagery, atmosphere, feelings - every part of it. Now onto my actual thoughts. My first reaction after reading this piece was...hard to describe. I say this is a masterpiece because of real feelings that it brought out; I could immediately feel my heart jumping faster and I feel...almost fear. The effect is just so strong because I suddenly connected it to a real life experience. It doesn't happen very often when I feel emotional after reading literature. and maybe this is without reason, but I find it difficult to express how amazingly vivid your writing is. It's...shocking, intense, feeling, all those things. This is definitely going to my favorites. Great job!
    | Posted on 2005-12-25 00:00:00 | by fading37embers | [ Reply to This ]
      As the saying goes, 'possessing your desires may not nearly be as gratifying as pursuing them' (or something similar to that). This was a very polished composition about a relationship that appears to be decomposing even as it's being explored, leaving no more than paint flakes (tears?) and wreckage (regrets?) to mark its passage. I'd say any write would be considered pessimistic when you find yourself inhabiting only the 'margin of desire' draped in diseased stars and impaled on the heavens. This was masterfully done for someone so young. All the best to you. Bill.
    | Posted on 2005-12-17 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]


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    84744

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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